To think this behaviour can be seen a bit rude?

[Ffghdss]

We are from an Indian family and DS has a name that often goes mispronounced. It never really bothered him. In sixth form the school opens up to externals and becomes mixed so there's new people to meet.

In class his table were chatting and DS said something around the lines "well this is actually how my name is pronounced". One (white) girl on the table found this absolutely hilarious and made attempts to pronounce DS's name correctly. She pronounces it like 3/4 correctly and makes a genuine attempt. I don't think that's an issue and think it's nice.

But DS told me that the first time she attempted to say his name she burst into a fit of giggles. DS tells me now every time she says his name she'll laugh a bit and giggle to herself. DS personally doesn't mind as he's got a crush on her.

It was just that he was telling me about her and how she's one of the few people that make an attempt to actually say it's name how it's actually pronounced. But it's just for some reason she finds it "funny" and laughs after saying his name.

When DH and I moved to the UK we didn't let people say our names in a different way just so it was easier for others to pronounce. I don't like the idea of this person thinking DS's name is a "funny foreign name".

I am absolutely rubbish at pronouncing different names. I’m just crap at it!!! She’s probably laughing at herself that she just can’t say it. The fact that she’s trying, and not saying it in a pisstaking way I think shows that she’s not meaning any offence behind it.

Teenage girls giggle a lot she probably fancies him to

Sounds like she feels a bit embarrassed as she's trying to say it right, not that she's laughing at him.

You know there’s many factors here.

Is she being racist? Is she just being silly? Is there malice involved? Is his name near to a silly word in this country? If so then is it ok to think it’s funny?

Is it ever ok to laugh at a persons name?
Some names are genuinely hard to pronounce and whether it is hard will depend upon where you are from and your own accent

My work is global and I can tell you with certainty I cannot pronounce many of the surnames of people I deal with. I have not seen their ethnicity in most cases as it’s emails - there’s no malice, etc it’s just simply like reading a long unfamiliar word. And even if the person pronounces it to me - repeating it correctly is not that simple for me.

I have also came across some names that I have found funny, because they had the word ass or worse in them. I don’t know the nationality though or ethnicity of the person.

It’s also the case for learning foreign words though - no doubt I sound ridiculous when trying to order some water in Spanish but then that doesn’t seem to be an issue and if they laugh at me

yes it’s different because it’s a language and not a person but still…..

Oh how I wish the laughing emoji was still here.

After countless people getting my very simple name wrong my entire life because one of my names is foreign, I don’t give a damn if people get defensive over the issue and claim I’m being patronising and sanctimonious. It’s not hard to get a name right, especially once you’ve been corrected. In fact, your post says a lot more about you.

@Spotthering

can you share what your name is? I agree that if it had been happening your whole life and with the same people on a daily basis then that is going to cause you upset

I think she is laughing because she embarrassed/nervous about the possibility mispronouncing rather than laughing at your son’s name. She is just uncomfortable, but trying.

I would expect a 16 year old not to laugh at another person’s name. So I do think she is being rude, yes.

It’s not the same people every single day but it’s various people my entire life, including people doing it repeatedly.

I’m not going to share my name! But I’ll give an example. If my name is Emma Abbas, it would be things like using Abbas as my first name or making up a completely different but similar sounding foreign name, such as Ahmad and Hamad, and using that as my first name (all of which I should add are men’s names).

It has happened in countless environments - school, university, hospitals, workplaces. My first name is a common western name, which thousands of women have, yet I’m not white so it seems people struggle with it once they see it with a foreign surname, and then make up a name that is different to my first name.

So whilst posters like @BusyExpert think they sound cool by saying my post is patronising and sanctimonious by pointing out a micro aggression, all it does is show me how small minded people can be.

I think she’s laughing at herself for pronouncing his name wrong. Maybe she wants to get it right but just can’t. Even people who are Indian British born will probably pronounce it incorrectly.

When he’s older and starts a new job, he’ll likely have the same problem.
you have to just except this.

There are words in the English language that I can get tongue tied on. I laugh as I say them as I’m annoyed at my inability to pronounce them first time. Could it be this?

We can’t tell op. Kids giggle when they are embarrassed. My similar age son giggled through his stage fright.

DS has told me the way she says it and it's honestly almost correct. There's one sound she's getting slightly wrong but she says it mostly correctly. DS's Indian British friends say his name perfectly. I don't think it's insulting to make an attempt and fall slightly short. I just wonder why someone needs to giggle at a perfectly normal name.

DS personally isn't bothered as he has quite a big crush on her.

But I remember when DS was doing an online group assesment (I can't remember what for. Some career insight thing) one girl found it too difficult to call DS by his name and instead just said "oh Candidate 12". That he told me he didn't like.

It is a bit depressing that so many people are excusing this girl for not getting the name right. Particularly on a site that regularly suggests limiting access to a child to a MIL who mispronounces/misspells the baby’s name.

Her pronunciation is nearly spot on! It's just she giggles after and laughs! And the very first time she heard how DS's name was actually said she was giggling and laughing hard.

And that is OK behaviour? Right….

He is far better placed to judge on the reaction and feeling behind it as he is actually with her. Without being face to face you don’t see body language or nuance of interaction. I would trust his reaction on this.

I don't think you're unreasonable to find this rude. It would be completely unacceptable at work for instance. She's only a teenager though, and still learning.

Can you speak to the school and see if they can cover "othering" in assembly maybe? In a general sense, so as not to be obviously aimed at this situation. (NB my child is younger so I'm not sure how these sorts of things work in 6th forms.)

I presumed she was laughing at herself and her efforts to say his name.

YANBU

A one-off I can understand, but every time she says his name, rude regardless of intent.

I would be wondering what’s so funny and why.

Why did you presume this? Particularly as she keeps doing it….

this happens to me all the time and I have two very easy and recognisable British names (first and last). I am called a variation of either first and last names every day by people. Yesterday one person emailed me three times and called me three different variations of my name (didn’t get any right even though the signature of my email was right there) and already today I’ve had someone refer to me twice as my surname (they have subsequently apologised and third attempt got it right).

trust me when I say my names are not in any way unusual. I just think people just don’t pay attention when emailing.

He fancies her, she could end up as your dil. Unclench OP, I think she maybe likes him too if she's flirting with him over his name

This is what I think. It doesn't personally bother DS as he fancies her. But to me I don't want someone thinking Indian names are funny or silly. I'm the one who named DS and his name as a special meaning in our language and religion.

And no she's not going to be my future DIL! She turned DS down (and from what DS told me she was nice enough about it).

Would a sixth form student really be so ignorant and basic as to find foreign sounding names laugh out loud funny?! Every time they say it? Surely they must encounter hundreds of different names thoroghout their school career, online and through hobbies etc?

I think it's more likely that she's being self deprecating and laughing at herself. He doesn't seem to mind and it's his business really at this stage.