They contacted my partner after I didn’t respond for 12 hours

[Littleluv]

I have a 7 week old baby this person also has a 12 week old baby. We hung out for a walk on the Sunday and the next Friday she texts me in the morning about doing something the next week due to my baby being fussy and being busy with family plans I did not respond and my partner received a text from them at 9pm (12 hours later) asking if I’d changed my number, if I was “coping” and if I was struggling with the “adjustment to motherhood” due to my non-reply… I was pretty shocked she took to messaging him at all let alone when only 12 hours had passed and also as a new mother I don’t take it personally if there is any delay from others because I know babies are a handful and time often passes or you don’t get a chance to respond. Also I am actually coping really well I am just not glued to my phone all the time as I like to spend time doing things with my little one. I really don’t think I want to be friends with this person anymore as I find this extremely overbearing, in addition their partner says bad things about literally everyone. Thoughts on this and how you would feel?

I said 7 times in the space of 2 years but yeah it’s not been a close friendship.
Her partner kept messaging my other half (played golf together a couple times again over the space of years) I wasn’t really wanting to go as the previous meeting he had been extremely obnoxious/bitchy/negative just general very bad vibes but we went for an hour.

It was fine but I did feel she was clinging to anything I said that was at all relating to my baby being difficult or just motherhood but for example this was relating to my baby having a baby acne breakout and I was hoping it would get better soon as I was sad to see my baby with spots lol… I also said it can be hard to get out in the mornings as again baby was colicky. That was it! She did also ask some pointed questions about my partner and I’s relationship and his involvement in baby’s care which was pretty odd.

I've had friends like this and trust me you don't want them 👀

Just send her a message saying sorry for the late reply, but you're ok and she's not to worry when you don't respond promptly because you don't live attached to the phone. Remind her she's not to contact your partner about you. If she's overbearing you have to set her straight from the outset.

I take days to reply sometimes!!
I have a friend a bit like this...if I dont reply to her within a few hours she deletes the messages.
I do find her too much, but also after a while realised its because she was the one struggling with her baby and needed someone there, or sometimes just needed to KNOW someone was there.

a few times she asked if she could come for dinner n I said OK, then she would cancel last minute saying she was tired but was happy to know the option was there. (annoying but I guess i kinda get it as she had no family near by)

This was my thought too.

'She did also ask some pointed questions about my partner and I’s relationship and his involvement in baby’s care'. Bin time.. don't think twice about it.

Totally insane and intrusive. My husband hates receiving any kind of message from any of my friends. He barely has time to keep up with his own.

Do you know if she has many friends and acquaintances? If she doesn't or if she is left alone and cannot contact people at work, she may just be at home with her mobile phone, wanting to use it, and you are as good as anyone, because you are a mum too.

She has no right to inquire of others about you just because you didn't phone her back right away.

Even close relatives cannot be told where someone is if that person doesn't want them to know.

Can you get someone to help you compose a message to her that will settle the matter and stop her pursuing you?

Congratulations on new baby x. drop them a casual message to say you've been busy with family life and that you aren't one for checking your phone regularly. Make arrangements with them for a few weeks time and see how they behave. Babies are all consuming and it sounds like you're very much in love.

Could it be a cry for help, she wished someone can check up on her as her baby is quite young. Try being honest and tell her you didn't appreciate the call, if she doesn't know she will do it again. Then ask her if everything is OK....unless you don't care.