They contacted my partner after I didn’t respond for 12 hours

[Littleluv]

I have a 7 week old baby this person also has a 12 week old baby. We hung out for a walk on the Sunday and the next Friday she texts me in the morning about doing something the next week due to my baby being fussy and being busy with family plans I did not respond and my partner received a text from them at 9pm (12 hours later) asking if I’d changed my number, if I was “coping” and if I was struggling with the “adjustment to motherhood” due to my non-reply… I was pretty shocked she took to messaging him at all let alone when only 12 hours had passed and also as a new mother I don’t take it personally if there is any delay from others because I know babies are a handful and time often passes or you don’t get a chance to respond. Also I am actually coping really well I am just not glued to my phone all the time as I like to spend time doing things with my little one. I really don’t think I want to be friends with this person anymore as I find this extremely overbearing, in addition their partner says bad things about literally everyone. Thoughts on this and how you would feel?

A simple ‘Next please!’ I agree this is overbearing and inappropriate. It would be different if this person was a very close friend you hadn't responded to for a week, but this isn't the case. I do wonder how she has your partner’s number as well? That seems odd!

Wow, they are being way over the top. Messaging your dh AND questioning if you’d changed your number.
Honestly I think I’d reduce contact.

As for their partner talking badly about everyone, you do know that will include you guys too?

A family member did this, it didn’t take long to find out they did the same with us. How sad a persons life must be if all they do is talk badly about everyone they know.

She’s just concerned/cares about you. I’m sure she does not want to suffocate you.
We have become a society where we need to give each other ‘space’ and privacy to feel happier. We have lost the human touch and the friendliness and closeness that societies in the past had.

When my Beloved Babies were small, I was exactly the same
Time just flew by & I adored every single moment - So yes, completely comprehend how everything else takes a back seat
God knows, our Beloved Babies grow up so quickly, & continue to cherish every moment
God Bless You&Yours
She shouldn't have crossed the line messaging your partner & it's oftentimes known, that folk judge others on the level they themselves, are feeling
She's most likely somewhat struggling
Hence why she might jump to this presumption
You're doing a phenomenal job
Don't permit others insecurities, to put dampness on your enthusiasm & positive attitude 💚🤗🌼💚

Yes I agree with this! The messaging husband I could just about cope with if it was 'has x's battery ran out could you pass a message on' type thing but going straight for insinuating that you aren't coping is really odd and overbearing!! Really odd. I'd be quite cross

This is a good suggestion. Let her know her behaviour is very odd and disproportionate

This. Projection is the first theory if something is attributed to you that seems really weird and out of place.

Have messaged her back at all? I would be telling her you're surprised she has messaged your partner to check you're ok. Very strange behaviour.

I’m not a parent. I notice a lot of people suggesting that this may reflect that that person has PND.

OP may be best cutting contact but if any of you have had PND or anxiety what type of thing might have helped or just not appropriate from an acquaintance?

ouf no that’s not on. Not at all. Is your partner meant to ‘have a word with you’ because you dared to not reply to her within half a day? I don’t like the sound of that. I don’t buy the faux concern shit. Concern and thinking you’re not coping with motherhood is not a proportionate response to not receiving a reply straight away. She’s ‘telling on’ you, not worrying about you.

Would drop this friendship like a hot potato. Why on earth did she not send you a second follow up message before messaging your partner. Intrusive and intense. Not for me.

Sounds like she loves a bit of drama

Completely concur with you, in concerns with, why didn't she just send a follow up message, if she were sincerely concerned
Makes much more sense to have chosen to do so
However, it seems more like, this so called friend, was unnecessarily feeling rejected, so chose to stir some trouble instead 💚😥
Not at all nice

Perhaps because her baby is older by a few weeks she thinks she knows it all and is offering advice to you as a new mum.

There again, she might be very lonely and have no one near her to turn to, and having met you, feels she has a helpmeet.

You have to get together again and talk about why she wants to be friends.

Its over the top because you say you are ok. But people really cannot win. I see it as a kind thing to check in on a new mum because god forbid you were actually in depths of despair. Theres no harm done, you were/are ok.
Maybe she isn't coping and has some sort of post natal anxiety?
Just speak to her about it?

she didn’t check in on me she checked in with my other half… I kind of just feel she was the trying to make a point like others said with the odd asking if I had changed my number. If you are worried about another mum you would call them directly…

You would. Or if your not coping well yourself then maybe not thinking straight? Maybe worried about stressing you out double texting?

Im maybe giving her too much benefit of the doubt. I would speak to her about it though and then see what you think based on her response.

She's going to be trouble. Ask your husband to block her on his phone, I'm sure he'll be glad to.
A person like this is smothering. She might suffer from anxiety. Tell her you're not on your phone every five minutes so she shouldn't expect speedy replies from you and husband didn't appreciate being contacted.

This! 😂

😂

Precisely, it was a strange way to act. She maybe acting this way out of anxiety herself but that’s not your problem. She needs to learn to manage that anxiety and not think it’s ok to contact your partner after not hearing from you!

Yeah there is zero risk of that haha…

I feel you op, i has a friend recently who was over the top with texts, and because I wasn’t fast to respond she then send, “I’m worried about you, hope you’re ok” all the time.

It’s sad as it made me step away, but it was just too much. I’d told her plenty of times there was nothing wrong, just busy.