Aibu to end relationship because they have said they will never go on holiday with my DC again?

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Bit of background, been together three years, but don't live together as I have a teenage DD and younger DD and it felt like it would be difficult to expect them to live with someone new. I have shared custody and they already live in a blended house with their dad.

Anyway, DP has expressed discontent with elder DD, being a little selfish or unthinking, not particularly helpful around the house. Are they perfect? No, but they are overall good kids, not in any trouble, communicative, loving.

We are on holiday with DP. He's been noticably parenting my youngest, telling them off, telling them what to do somewhat. Not really his place, but I've let it slide so far.

He went off to get some snacks and didn't ask for suggestions, came back with a bag full. Eldest looked in, and not realizing he was in hearing distance moaned they weren't nice or what she liked. He kicked off, swore, saying how fucking rude she was.

I talked to him after, he declared he's never coming on holiday with us again, that she's rude entitled etc etc....

I'm feeling like this is it then. We had talked about moving in together in a few years, but this has massively put me off. He's also ND, and his lack of empathy and emotional intelligence in some other ways is just getting to me

DD admitted to me she was rude, but hadn't realized he was there. Wasn't a big deal, I'd have told to her buy her own snacks!

I agree get rid. Hes vile if he's like this now, it wont get better

What’s wrong with dating when the kids aren’t around and keeping a degree of separation? No need to inflict joint holidays on anyone, or thinking about living together.

He sounds awful. Your poor kids that they’ve had to put up with this crap all this time.

Being ND has nothing to do with empathy or emotional intelligence.

I have those two in spades.

He is just a yucky nasty man who can't control your kids. Throw this one back and never look back.

If it’s put you off him and want to end the relationship then end it but equally you need to parent your children better. You say he was parenting the younger one…. Why weren’t you doing it? Also your oldest was ungrateful when he brought them a bag full of snacks but because she thought he wouldn’t hear her that’s ok? You both thought it’s ok because he’s out of earshot (or so she thought). The correct response to someone bringing you something is thank you.

The more Op lets her kids get away with acting spoilt and ungrateful the more they will act it.

Your poor kids. A "blended family" at the other end, and now this.

Well maybe the younger one didn't need "parented" and this man overstepped.

He isn't a right fit for your family. Yes your dd was ungrateful but anyone knows if you are buying snacks for kids you ask first. Mine are younger, one will eat anything, one will moan but eat something and the other just won't eat snacks if they are not to his liking. The key thing would have been for him to ask or you to get your own snacks or tell him what the kids like. The fact that he kicked off and swore about it is such an overreaction and I would not be exposing my children to someone who has inappropriate outbursts.

Yabu not to talk to him straight away about " parenting " your dc. Can't be much of a holiday for them walking on eggshells because the boundaries aren't clear.

I doubt that’s true, if the child didn’t need parenting why would OP let it slide as she put? If your child is repeatedly being parented by someone and you don’t think they need it surely you would speak up?

You should keep your children out of any relationship. Whilst they live with you, have a boyfriend you see now and then, don't bring him home and don't go on holidays together. It is unfair on your kids. Tbh, most kids these days are also not mature enough to deal politely with adults. I feel more sorry for this guy than you or the kids, and i'm sure he';s thinking it';s the end too. I'd end it and start afresh, and if you meet someone else have very clear boundaries.

Teenagers can be rude, but adults need to rise above it, ignore it, not let it bother them so much. In general, it sounds like this man doesn't have the patience for children. In fairness, I wouldn't have the same patience for other people's children, especially teenagers, as I do for my own. However, that doesn't mean you should stay with him.

The reality is that you are a package deal. You have two children. If he can't accept that this is how life/vacations is with kids, which he clearly cannot, then it's time to cut your losses immediately.

Well he could have asked what snacks others would like. That’s what I would have done.
Equally he could have apologised, offered to give her money to get other snacks or even told her to buy her own if she has the money.
What is unacceptable is telling her she is ‘fucking rude’. He is the rude one.
Be glad he’s not moved in full time. It will be easier to bin him.

Angry men ruining perfectly nice occasions as usual!

He’s pissed off that he’s come into this situation and women aren’t sweet, polite and subservient. Boo hoo for him.

"DD admitted to me she was rude, but hadn't realized he was there. Wasn't a big deal, I'd have told to her buy her own snacks!"

How would you have reacted if HE had told DD to buy her own snacks?

I don't know what your previous experience of relationships has been, or what your experience of being parented was, but please use this moment to show your daughters that it is absolutely intolerable and unacceptable for a partner to verbally abuse them. Honestly I'd be finding another hotel and contacting the airline to be seated away from him on the way home.

I think she was just seeing how it was going,and her eldest being sworn at was possibly the last straw, I don't think a boyfriend that the kids are on holiday with needs to be "parenting".

My stepdad used to kick off at me like that when I was a teenage girl. It escalated. I can’t tell you to end this relationship or to not end it, only you can decide that but being a teenager is hard enough without having to live with an adult who dislikes you. Please be mindful of that when deciding how to proceed

He’s a twat, and your daughter was rude and ungrateful. My DD and SS, both mid teens, wouldn’t have anything to say except thank you. Because that is polite and decent, it is completely irrelevant if he was in earshot or not.
But he is definitely an absolute bellend.

He's shown who he really is around your girls, possibly this falling of the scales / removal of rose tinted specs might have happened sooner had he spent more time with them? Too late to wonder, you now know, and I would call it a day sooner rather than later. Can you get alternative transport home if you tell him today that it's over?

I don't think you can continue a relationship long-term with someone who doesn't like your kids.

I also don't think you can expect a partner to simply sit back and grit his teeth at behaviour he finds rude/unpleasant. He shouldn't be parenting them or shouting at them, but you also can't expect him to just sit there and magically not be annoyed by your daughter's attitude, or to automatically enjoy holidaying with her. I wouldn't want to go on holiday with a boyfriend's kids in a million years.

Essentially, you aren't compatible. I don't think he's the monster people are suggesting here, but he isn't a good fit with your family or your parenting style, and you'd be right to end it.

He isn't an adult when it comes to your children. Do you need another child?

He absolutely shouldn’t have sworn at her no I do agree with that. Maybe if Op wasn’t telling the kids what to do etc he felt he had to. Judging by her Op she probably lets a lot slide with them

It really isn't the boyfriends or our business how she parents her kids tbf, this man has shown the op who he is and she doesn't have to like it.