Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding situation

135 replies

Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 19:08

Possibly outing but AIBU?

I’m going to a wedding soon and I’m part of the bridal party. The idea was for me to stay in the same hotel as the bride and groom as we’re not local. The hotel room was to be paid for by me - but it is expensive. We’ve booked to stay at another, cheaper hotel instead, with the plan being I would get to them first thing on the day.

I let them know this and it has really upset them. I have been told to cancel my booking and pay for the room at their hotel otherwise they will lose the deposit and also because they intended on using my room as a place for storage and other guests/children to be in. They have offered to pay the difference so they can still use it.

I had no idea of their intentions for the room. It had been ‘book the room, it’ll be nice for you and DH’. No mention of it needing to be used for anything else. I can afford the room at a push but that will need to go on a credit card and I don’t really want to do that.

AIBU? I just feel a bit, I don’t know, used? Give my head a wobble people, please.

OP posts:
Isitreallysohard · 29/07/2025 23:28

JustSawJohnny · 29/07/2025 23:04

I agree that it sounds like their arrangement with the hotel includes so many rooms being booked.

If that's the case, they should have told you.

It's also incredibly cheeky to decide they can use your room for their family members on the day.

Fuck that!

I hope you stick to your guns, OP.

I think there's been poor communication all round. But thinking they can use the room was also dumb of them, which I don't think they've thought through. It woukd be different if it was a family members room and family all using it, bit it's a bit different in your case. I think you probably need to point this out and re DH and say that it's best they use the room as they intended and you keep the one you have. I'd actually pick up the phone rather than text which is always a bad idea

Nestingbirds · 30/07/2025 00:11

i hope you pull out. What a shoddy way to treat your guests.

Coconutter24 · 30/07/2025 06:57

MimiSunshine · 29/07/2025 22:03

But B&G didn’t mention anything about needing to secure it with a deposit, or that they’d paid it.

so still this is all on them and not OPs fault

Show quote history

Op agreed to a booking, we all know how bookings work, they need a deposit. Of course they should of mentioned the deposit but op could quite easily of asked about the cost or a deposit because most people know when booking something we pay a deposit

KatyaKanani · 30/07/2025 07:06

Nestingbirds · 30/07/2025 00:11

i hope you pull out. What a shoddy way to treat your guests.

This. What a load of expensive grief for a party.

ParmaVioletTea · 30/07/2025 07:29

So they want you to pay for a room so they can use it? No way.

Coffeeishot · 30/07/2025 08:03

Discoprincess6 · 29/07/2025 21:39

Exactly. Plus do you even know all the people who would be granted access to your room? Could be someone weirdo who steals underwear from washing lines and riffles through your underwear….i am exaggerating quite a bit I know! Ha!

Show quote history

I mean it is just an invasion of privacy isn't it ?

ParmaVioletTea · 30/07/2025 08:19

I just can’t get over them assuming they could use the room you had paid for without even telling you.

Revenge would be to book the room and keep your door locked until you leave for the wedding party, and lock it for the duration of that party!

But it sounds like you are much more sensibly not going to attend. You’re completely right to prioritise time with your own family.

It also sounds as though they’ve bought one of those hotel wedding packages where they pay for X number of rooms plus reception as a package. The hotels then suggest that the Bride and groom can sell the rooms on to guests to recoup wedding costs. It’s pretty cheap behaviour whichever way you look at it. Champagne tastes; beer budget.

50lbstolose · 30/07/2025 08:21

Sounds very stressful for you

OCDandUS · 30/07/2025 08:51

I would call bs on losing room deposit - call hotel and ask

Discoprincess6 · 30/07/2025 09:09

so they lose a deposit on one room. How much was the room if you can share or I’m not being nosy? If so sorry.

I don’t get when people get married why they think their guests have to bend over backwards to please them.

this is honestly one of the most entitled things I’ve heard. I’d go the wedding but I wouldn’t be happy about it.

LittleBitofBread · 30/07/2025 10:21

TerrierCollector · 29/07/2025 21:23

Oops, I must have missed that! Still, if she can’t afford it she can’t afford it and they’re CFs for expecting her room to be used by others!

Edited
Show quote history

'booking a room on her behalf', sure, but did they make clear that there was a deposit? To be honest, though, I think the people whose wedding it is should cover these kinds of deposits, rather than expecting guests to do so.

Original poster
Cheesehound · 30/07/2025 10:37

Discoprincess6 · 30/07/2025 09:09

so they lose a deposit on one room. How much was the room if you can share or I’m not being nosy? If so sorry.

I don’t get when people get married why they think their guests have to bend over backwards to please them.

this is honestly one of the most entitled things I’ve heard. I’d go the wedding but I wouldn’t be happy about it.

It’s £450 for two nights.

OP posts:
JustSawJohnny · 30/07/2025 10:56

Cheesehound · 30/07/2025 10:37

It’s £450 for two nights.

Show quote history

They want you to shell out £450 for 2 nights and assume they can use the room for their own purposes in the day time?!!

Fuck, THAT.

AprilShowers25 · 30/07/2025 10:59

‘I’m sorry but you never mentioned a deposit, we have had to go with a cheaper option. We wouldn’t have been comfortable with other people using the room anyway, perhaps those people could split the cost with you.’

Skibber · 30/07/2025 11:09

OP, they are cheeky fxxker users.
The cheek of them.
They are already married.

Only on MN does this bullshit fly.

Send the message your childcare has fallen through and wish them the best.

People who would use like that are not friends.

Low class behaviour IMO.

LittleBitofBread · 30/07/2025 11:11

AprilShowers25 · 30/07/2025 10:59

‘I’m sorry but you never mentioned a deposit, we have had to go with a cheaper option. We wouldn’t have been comfortable with other people using the room anyway, perhaps those people could split the cost with you.’

Oh I like this, especially 'perhaps those people could split the cost with you.' Grin

CaptainFuture · 30/07/2025 11:16

ParmaVioletTea · 30/07/2025 08:19

I just can’t get over them assuming they could use the room you had paid for without even telling you.

Revenge would be to book the room and keep your door locked until you leave for the wedding party, and lock it for the duration of that party!

But it sounds like you are much more sensibly not going to attend. You’re completely right to prioritise time with your own family.

It also sounds as though they’ve bought one of those hotel wedding packages where they pay for X number of rooms plus reception as a package. The hotels then suggest that the Bride and groom can sell the rooms on to guests to recoup wedding costs. It’s pretty cheap behaviour whichever way you look at it. Champagne tastes; beer budget.

Its ridiculous,basically getting your guests to sub your party!

Overthebow · 30/07/2025 12:16

AprilShowers25 · 30/07/2025 10:59

‘I’m sorry but you never mentioned a deposit, we have had to go with a cheaper option. We wouldn’t have been comfortable with other people using the room anyway, perhaps those people could split the cost with you.’

This is a great reply, send this.

Gemmawemma9 · 30/07/2025 12:26

This is one of the few times I’m genuinely baffled why you’re even posting. It’s so obviously insanely cheeky what they’re asking of you. They want you to pay a premium price for a room at a hotel of their choosing so they can use YOUR room which you have paid for and have every fucking Tom dick and Harry traipsing in and out? All day??
how did you not just laugh and tell them to fuck off?

Discoprincess6 · 30/07/2025 12:41

Wowser £450 for 2 nights so they can use the room as a nursery. No dont do it.

id maybe think of something else then childcare, because it wouldn’t surprise me if they respond back saying you come alone so your husband can do childcare on his own.

unless he had a work emergency or conveniently slipped a disc in his back which made him immobile.

Cherrysoup · 30/07/2025 12:48

Your mate is incredibly cheeky! She should have booked the room for her own purposes, not tried to lay costs on you. Please don’t allow her to railroad you into this, it’s absolutely awful of her.

Tillow4ever · 30/07/2025 13:09

Stand your ground OP. In fact, I’d pull out altogether as it sounds like your “friend” is going to use this as a reason to fall out with you anyway.

if you do still want to attend, tell her the room you have booked is non-refundable and you booked the alternative accommodation suggested early on.

Alternatively tell her that you can switch but she can’t use the room as you think it would be a safeguarding issue for the kids with all the sex toys you will have out.

They are absolutely CF expecting to be able to use your room - it’s not even as if they said they’ll pay for your room if you don’t mind others using it during the day. At least if they’d done that, you would have made an informed choice and not paid out a ridiculous amount.

Original poster
Cheesehound · 30/07/2025 17:13

OCDandUS · 30/07/2025 08:51

I would call bs on losing room deposit - call hotel and ask

Just checked the hotel website and it says free cancellations up to 12pm the day before arrival.

OP posts:
KatyaKanani · 30/07/2025 17:13

Have you spoken to them about it again?

Skibber · 30/07/2025 17:49

Cheesehound · 30/07/2025 17:13

Just checked the hotel website and it says free cancellations up to 12pm the day before arrival.

Show quote history

Then screenshot it and tell her cancel it.
Decide if you really want to go to the wedding of such a cherky fxxker.

Swipe left for the next trending thread