Wedding situation

[Cheesehound]

Possibly outing but AIBU?

I’m going to a wedding soon and I’m part of the bridal party. The idea was for me to stay in the same hotel as the bride and groom as we’re not local. The hotel room was to be paid for by me - but it is expensive. We’ve booked to stay at another, cheaper hotel instead, with the plan being I would get to them first thing on the day.

I let them know this and it has really upset them. I have been told to cancel my booking and pay for the room at their hotel otherwise they will lose the deposit and also because they intended on using my room as a place for storage and other guests/children to be in. They have offered to pay the difference so they can still use it.

I had no idea of their intentions for the room. It had been ‘book the room, it’ll be nice for you and DH’. No mention of it needing to be used for anything else. I can afford the room at a push but that will need to go on a credit card and I don’t really want to do that.

AIBU? I just feel a bit, I don’t know, used? Give my head a wobble people, please.

This!

imagine all the little kids putting fingers in all your make up! Finger prints in your bronzer a your lipgloss all squelched all over the desk. Runny noses all over your pillow.

nope

No you should not cancel your room. I got married earlier this year and the accommodation at the venue was a set price for the whole accommodation. You could not rent just a room. I had a friend who was in the wedding party and we knew she would not be in a position to cover the cost of the room. Therefore we asked the other guests to pay an extra £20 each to help cover the cost for my friend. I actually also paid for her room the night before also out of my own money as it was important to me for her to be with me the night before.

When you say you’re going to a wedding “soon”, how soon? If it’s within the next couple of weeks then yes, you can’t just back out now as you had reserved the room. If it’s months away then possibly ok but still poor form.

It is super cheeky they were planning on using the room for a couple of hours without asking you beforehand but that’s a separate issue.

Just want to add that if you do end up staying at the wedding hotel and they do use your room in the morning, you could ask the bride to speak to the hotel to get your room refreshed during the ceremony.

So it’s not even a proper wedding? Cheeky bastards.
Stand your ground OP. They can’t make you pay, and this “friendship” is already doomed

If they want a room to store things/let people use, then THEY need to book that.
You're not obliged to make up money they have already bookmarked.
Just tell them you couldn't afford the hotel they suggested, the one you've booked can't be cancelled and you aren't going to pay for a room you're not using.
What a pair of cheeky fuckers.

I actually think if they were intending to use it for other purposes then they should've paid for it and asked you if you wanted to stay in it as a favour. In saying that you probably should've given them a heads up earlier to say that it was too expensive and you'd be staying elsewhere.

They’re arseholes. If they had an additional agenda for you booking a room in that hotel, then they should have told you that from the outset and offered to split the cost. You feel used because that’s exactly what is happening.

Be prepared for the whole wedding to be a teeth-grinding nightmare. They sound like self-obsessed “it’s Our Day” types who will treat their guests like an inconvenience.

Can you imagine going through bags and drawers!

So to clarify did they book a room for you at the hotel? Did they say they would be booking it or was you meant to be booking it?
I’d ring the hotel and check as they could be bull shitting You to get their own way.
Just say to them “sorry I can’t afford a second room, but given you need the room for storage why don’t you book it and use it?”
cheeky sods!!!

God, they’re awful. They should have been transparent. And also, when will people realise their wedding is not the most important thing in the world, particularly to other people who are forking out money.

My Dd had an extra room for her wedding the hotel gave her a reduction as part of her package B&G and their wedding party paid for it and used it for changing and storing belongings so its a good idea but the op has been blindsided, good for her for not staying and paying for it !

If you agreed to pay for it, you should cover the deposit. It is a cheeky ask from them but if you had a problem you should have said before.
check the cancellation policy at the hotel. You need to cover the appropriate cancellation as you’ve changed your mind

I disagree. The initial suggestion was just ‘why don’t you (OP) and DH book
a room in the wedding hotel?’ OP said oh yes that would be nice.

no mention if any other obligations or cost impact to the B&G.

so if B&G have booked a venue that also contractually obliges them to fill the rooms, or they’re liable for further costs. They should’ve made it clear from the outset and asked bridal party, close family followed by other guests if they wanted to take a room.
big crucially also be prepared to have those costs if the rooms weren’t taken.

as they didn’t then OP was completely in their rights to choose a cheaper option without mentioning it to B&G.

as for B&G thinking it was essentially a free quiet room for certain guests. That’s completely outrageous idea.
if something of OPs went missing or was ruined would B&G replace it? Unlikely.

This all sounds like BS to me.

Sounds like the bride is a close relative like your sister or something .. Ask if she can use the Maid of Honour's room for storage. ( Most parents would store kids stuff in their own car or own room)

Is the Bride claiming that she's already shelled out a deposit on your behalf for the room... ages ago.. without telling you how much she's spent or asking you to repay her ASAP..

She wants you to cave and cough up for her room and her convenience.

Have a good look at the hotel website... look at their booking terms and conditions.
Hotels know that people change their minds up to the day.

Then ring the hotel. Ask them if that particular room has actually been booked and how much deposit has been paid and if so how much and who paid it.

Usually we find that you have to book hotel rooms at wedding venues as soon as you get the invite because often not everyone can fit in and they are booked up... so I bet that the hotel could easily fill that room. Ask them if that is the case.

No, she’s my friend, not my sister.

I would be so pissed of at this that I would book the room but no fucker would be using it!

Are you the only guest staying? Why does it have to be your room that is used as a crèche?

B&G were very unreasonable to not mention their expectations beforehand but that wasn’t why OP pulled out, it was due to cost. If she agreed to book a room and the B&G paid a deposit for it then op pulled out because of cost she’s unreasonable because now someone else still has to pay for that room. Yet I do agree they should of let op know before booking they would be liable

usual booking terms might not be applicable here, the room may of been put on the bride and grooms contract at a discounted rate for a wedding guest. A lot of hotels do that but it means if a guest doesn’t pay then the bride and groom are under contract to pay (or fill the room and have that guest pay)

Just go along with it. Yes, it’s cheeky but for the sake of no drama just go with it. I’m all about being easy going these days (trying to stop a lifetime of not) because it makes life easier. At the end of the day, what does it matter? They are paying the difference. Smile, no problem, and you’ll be back in your own house after the wedding. I think being part of the bridal party you are seen as a skivvy not an honoured guest, so just go with it.

Wow are you always such a pushover? What a miserable way to live.

Hmmm, not sure the B and G are that evil tbh. I can well believe they have a different interpretation of events.

Having a wedding at a hotel. Want to make a block booking of rooms so the bridal party can all be together. Ask op if she wants one of these rooms and tell her the price. She says yes so they make block booking and pay deposit. OP playing it very naive here that she didn’t know there would be any cost or deposit involved to make this booking.

OP changes her mind about the booking leaving B and G out of pocket, they ask her to pay the deposit they have lost out on.

The people using the room is a bit of a red herring, OP makes it sound like it’s an all day thing but when pushed states that it’s just a few people close to the family having some where to sit and out things in the morning. When I got married and other weddings I’ve been to where there is accomodation on site, we were in and out of each others rooms in the morning. Maybe they’ve been a bit cheeky but I can see why they are pissed off with OP.

Hi “bride”

I’m so sorry this bedroom planning is causing you stress. It really was not my intention and ironically I got on and booked something else without telling you as I was trying to be proactive and not add to your load.

I know I initially said DH and I would stay in the same hotel but as we’ve had sudden unexpected expenses I could not justify the cost any more. So I looked for feasible, cheaper options. I didn’t want you worrying about my finances, and I guess a little was feeling embarrassed about my finances meaning I didn’t want to tell you, so just got on a booked a room.

Had I known you’d needed to put a deposit down or the fact you had planned to use my room as a childcare base I obviously would have discussed it first. To be honest it’s good this part has been flagged now as DH & I would not have been keen on other peoples kids being in our room. Hopefully one of the other wedding party can open up their room to this use.

In the meantime I will contact the hotel we are booked into and find out about their cancellation policy.

Hopefully this is all sorted soon, you have enough to the thinking about, you really don’t need to have our sleeping seat the top of your to do list.

love
Cheesehound

(whatever you do, good luck. Does feel bloody cheeky they’ve booked in an extra use for your room which they are making you pay for).

Right, what was DH supposed to do while all that was going on?!