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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding situation

135 replies

Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 19:08

Possibly outing but AIBU?

I’m going to a wedding soon and I’m part of the bridal party. The idea was for me to stay in the same hotel as the bride and groom as we’re not local. The hotel room was to be paid for by me - but it is expensive. We’ve booked to stay at another, cheaper hotel instead, with the plan being I would get to them first thing on the day.

I let them know this and it has really upset them. I have been told to cancel my booking and pay for the room at their hotel otherwise they will lose the deposit and also because they intended on using my room as a place for storage and other guests/children to be in. They have offered to pay the difference so they can still use it.

I had no idea of their intentions for the room. It had been ‘book the room, it’ll be nice for you and DH’. No mention of it needing to be used for anything else. I can afford the room at a push but that will need to go on a credit card and I don’t really want to do that.

AIBU? I just feel a bit, I don’t know, used? Give my head a wobble people, please.

OP posts:
PeachCritic · 29/07/2025 19:40

Did you initially say you would take a room at the wedding hotel I.e. have they given you part of their allocation and will now be stuck covering the cost? That’s the only reason they could have a right to be annoyed by, using your bedroom without your permission is rude at best.

Original poster
Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 19:45

PeachCritic · 29/07/2025 19:40

Did you initially say you would take a room at the wedding hotel I.e. have they given you part of their allocation and will now be stuck covering the cost? That’s the only reason they could have a right to be annoyed by, using your bedroom without your permission is rude at best.

I did say I would book it, but was also given other another option a while back which wasn’t very popular with any guests so that was forgotten about. I’ve had some unexpected costs recently that have just put paid to the idea of being able to spend £££ on the room. I wasn’t told about a deposit on the room, and I wasn’t told about the use of the room, only that it would be a nice thing for me and DH, so I was surprised by the upset when I told them I had to make an alternative booking in order to afford to come. I’ve had to pay for transport too, take annual leave off work and arrange childcare for my kids in order to afford it (as I now don’t have to buy them formal wear). For context, the hotel room is about the same amount of money I would usually spend on food over a weeks holiday with my family.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 19:47

They have told me I have to pay the deposit, but if I do that then I just can’t come at all as that will be the cost of my other hotel booking.

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 29/07/2025 19:47

Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 19:45

I did say I would book it, but was also given other another option a while back which wasn’t very popular with any guests so that was forgotten about. I’ve had some unexpected costs recently that have just put paid to the idea of being able to spend £££ on the room. I wasn’t told about a deposit on the room, and I wasn’t told about the use of the room, only that it would be a nice thing for me and DH, so I was surprised by the upset when I told them I had to make an alternative booking in order to afford to come. I’ve had to pay for transport too, take annual leave off work and arrange childcare for my kids in order to afford it (as I now don’t have to buy them formal wear). For context, the hotel room is about the same amount of money I would usually spend on food over a weeks holiday with my family.

Show quote history

Just to be clear did you or did you not commit to booking a room at their hotel?
I can’t tell in that reply if you agreed to book a room at their hotel or if it was just mentioned as a nice idea and then nothing came of it

Original poster
Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 19:55

Coconutter24 · 29/07/2025 19:47

Just to be clear did you or did you not commit to booking a room at their hotel?
I can’t tell in that reply if you agreed to book a room at their hotel or if it was just mentioned as a nice idea and then nothing came of it

Show quote history

Yes, I had said I would, but I had no idea that changing my plans would cause this upset.

It wasn’t communicated to me that in doing so they wouldn’t have anywhere for other peoples kids to be, or the rest of the bridal party to be whilst their room is used for other things, like photos before the ceremony. A deposit wasn’t discussed with me either. It was just a hotel room for me to book without anything else attached to it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 19:57

All told, if I booked the room, and with all the other costs like hen do and transport hen my outlay on their wedding will be around £1000.

I should also mention that they are actually married already as they had a legal ceremony some months back.

OP posts:
KatyaKanani · 29/07/2025 20:01

So, what's actually happening on the day? Just a party?.

KatyaKanani · 29/07/2025 20:02

It sounds a bit over the top. Stick to your guns with the room.

330ml · 29/07/2025 20:02

Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 19:57

All told, if I booked the room, and with all the other costs like hen do and transport hen my outlay on their wedding will be around £1000.

I should also mention that they are actually married already as they had a legal ceremony some months back.

That’s an expensive party. For you!

Original poster
Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 20:02

As I understand it, everything you would expect of a typical wedding day, but without the legalities as that is already done.

OP posts:
KatyaKanani · 29/07/2025 20:04

Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 20:02

As I understand it, everything you would expect of a typical wedding day, but without the legalities as that is already done.

Ok. I am wondering why they're having this "wedding" as well, then?

ThejoyofNC · 29/07/2025 20:05

Cut your losses and stay home. What a bloody farce.

CaptainFuture · 29/07/2025 20:05

yeesh · 29/07/2025 19:15

They are being really cheeky expecting you to book a room for them to use for storage & other guests. Rude as fuck in fact.

This they're using you! Cheeky sods!

CaptainFuture · 29/07/2025 20:07

Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 19:55

Yes, I had said I would, but I had no idea that changing my plans would cause this upset.

It wasn’t communicated to me that in doing so they wouldn’t have anywhere for other peoples kids to be, or the rest of the bridal party to be whilst their room is used for other things, like photos before the ceremony. A deposit wasn’t discussed with me either. It was just a hotel room for me to book without anything else attached to it.

Show quote history

Where's the rest of the bridal party staying, whys this on you @Cheesehound ?

Coconutter24 · 29/07/2025 20:09

Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 19:55

Yes, I had said I would, but I had no idea that changing my plans would cause this upset.

It wasn’t communicated to me that in doing so they wouldn’t have anywhere for other peoples kids to be, or the rest of the bridal party to be whilst their room is used for other things, like photos before the ceremony. A deposit wasn’t discussed with me either. It was just a hotel room for me to book without anything else attached to it.

Show quote history

In that case then I think you are both being unreasonable. If you’ve agreed to pay for a hotel room then backed out you’ve left them with the cost of it now. They are being unreasonable because if you’ve agreed to book a hotel room you’re booking it for you and DH, they just assumed it could be used for everyone which is very cheeky without asking.

CopperWhite · 29/07/2025 20:09

Fuck that. Tell them you can’t afford to pay the deposit and point out how much you are already spending to be a part of their wedding.

I wouldn’t tell them all the other things they deserve to hear at this stage - people go a bit crazy when wedding planning.

AlertCat · 29/07/2025 20:11

I don’t understand people who think they have a right to dictate how others spend their money. It’s wild to me that anyone would expect someone to drop a grand on their party, go into debt to book a hotel room, and then make a fuss when told the other person cannot actually afford to meet their expectations!

mindutopia · 29/07/2025 20:12

Nope, but that room is now free for them to book for storage and use by other guests.

KatyaKanani · 29/07/2025 20:13

AlertCat · 29/07/2025 20:11

I don’t understand people who think they have a right to dictate how others spend their money. It’s wild to me that anyone would expect someone to drop a grand on their party, go into debt to book a hotel room, and then make a fuss when told the other person cannot actually afford to meet their expectations!

This ⬆️. It's absolutely ridiculous that people expect guests to use up savings or go into debt for their wedding. If they can't afford the venue, they should choose somewhere cheaper.

maxandru · 29/07/2025 20:13

If they choose the hotel you stay at, they also pay for the room. They don’t get to decide where you’re staying AND make you pay for it!

ShesTheAlbatross · 29/07/2025 20:14

Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 19:55

Yes, I had said I would, but I had no idea that changing my plans would cause this upset.

It wasn’t communicated to me that in doing so they wouldn’t have anywhere for other peoples kids to be, or the rest of the bridal party to be whilst their room is used for other things, like photos before the ceremony. A deposit wasn’t discussed with me either. It was just a hotel room for me to book without anything else attached to it.

Show quote history

They should book and pay for a room if they need one for all that.

maxandru · 29/07/2025 20:15

Cheesehound · 29/07/2025 19:55

Yes, I had said I would, but I had no idea that changing my plans would cause this upset.

It wasn’t communicated to me that in doing so they wouldn’t have anywhere for other peoples kids to be, or the rest of the bridal party to be whilst their room is used for other things, like photos before the ceremony. A deposit wasn’t discussed with me either. It was just a hotel room for me to book without anything else attached to it.

Show quote history

Wait, WHAT?! So essentially they want you to pay for their “staging area”?! CF!

CaptainFuture · 29/07/2025 20:15

mindutopia · 29/07/2025 20:12

Nope, but that room is now free for them to book for storage and use by other guests.

This, the dp who wanted to use it for their kids.. they can chip in.... who's watching these kids?
The members of the bridal party who want to use it to get ready.... chip in... why aren't they using their own rooms?
Are they taking le piss?

Coffeeishot · 29/07/2025 20:17

yeesh · 29/07/2025 19:15

They are being really cheeky expecting you to book a room for them to use for storage & other guests. Rude as fuck in fact.

This, and why would you want randoms in your room anyway she's taking the piss.

Coffeeishot · 29/07/2025 20:20

What would the bridal parties other rooms be used for ? She needs to get a hold of herself she is probably in bride mode and panicking but if she wants a store/changing/kids room she can get the collection plate round.

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