Wedding situation

[Cheesehound]

Possibly outing but AIBU?

I’m going to a wedding soon and I’m part of the bridal party. The idea was for me to stay in the same hotel as the bride and groom as we’re not local. The hotel room was to be paid for by me - but it is expensive. We’ve booked to stay at another, cheaper hotel instead, with the plan being I would get to them first thing on the day.

I let them know this and it has really upset them. I have been told to cancel my booking and pay for the room at their hotel otherwise they will lose the deposit and also because they intended on using my room as a place for storage and other guests/children to be in. They have offered to pay the difference so they can still use it.

I had no idea of their intentions for the room. It had been ‘book the room, it’ll be nice for you and DH’. No mention of it needing to be used for anything else. I can afford the room at a push but that will need to go on a credit card and I don’t really want to do that.

AIBU? I just feel a bit, I don’t know, used? Give my head a wobble people, please.

I don’t think it’s fair for them to be pissed off at all because it doesn’t seem like they explained to OP that they’d be booking it or that they’d be paying a deposit. They just suggested it would be a nice thing for her, so how was she to know it was costing them anything?

I also would not personally like people being in and out of my room, even if it was only in the morning for a short while, and I especially would not like not being told this was the plan in advance.

That’s not true though, she’s clarified that she did know they were booking a room on her behalf.

Oops, I must have missed that! Still, if she can’t afford it she can’t afford it and they’re CFs for expecting her room to be used by others!

My reply would be:

’I am afraid our childcare has fallen through, and we are unable to find a trusted replacement so neither room will be required after all. Have a great party and let’s celebrate with cocktails next time we see each other’

Over my dead body would I be prepared to shell out so much money on a non wedding for two cfs like this! Pull out op and use the money to treat your dc to a special unexpected holiday!

They sound very rude and entitled.

I wouldn't back down on this

He just hasn’t been thought about really - well, that’s what it feels like. He was actually intending to either relax in the room or do a bit of remote working for an hour or two in the morning as he has a lot on at the moment.

Honestly, this is exactly how I feel. I’ve only booked our summer holiday off work and the thought of using those days of annual leave on my kids instead is so much more appealing.

TBH I don’t know what their arrangement with the hotel is - I know they have a room and there was this other room reserved for me, and I was asked to call the hotel and pay for it over the phone. I didn’t know anything about finances, deposits etc. I don’t really ever stay in hotels except when we go on holiday - I usually Airbnb everywhere I go. I made an assumption that me not staying there wouldn’t be an issue, not knowing that there were plans for my room to be used by uncle tom cobley and all for a few hours. It’s more than just people popping in and out while we get ready, it’s for kids of the bridal party to be whilst the bridal party get ready in the other room. The whole thing has just exhausted me today so I’m off to bed and hoping not to dream about it!

You might believe it’s for people to get ready but trust me it’s not. I attended a wedding where my room ended up being used because children were tired and the mother didn’t want to leave. When it was time for me to go to bed, I found the father fast asleep in my bed with 1 of his kids.

Exactly. Plus do you even know all the people who would be granted access to your room? Could be someone weirdo who steals underwear from washing lines and riffles through your underwear….i am exaggerating quite a bit I know! Ha!

But B&G didn’t mention anything about needing to secure it with a deposit, or that they’d paid it.

so still this is all on them and not OPs fault

A decent friend wouldn’t do this to you op. It’s really poor form. I hope you reconsider attending. They are married already! There is no way I would go to a party like this especially given how much you have already spent.

I am sorry they were so astonishingly rude. I don’t even think I would want a friend like this. Are they always like this? What happened at the hen?

Oh come on, enough with all the faux surprise that it cost the B and G money to secure a room booking at a hotel.

I have no idea why anyone would just "go along" with any circumstance and situation which is not only unfavourable, but unfair and very expensive.

It's not a red herring at all!
Why aren't these people who need the use of a room booking one themselves? Or the B&G arranging a room for this purpose with the venue, themselves?

They are annoyed because they had plans for your room..having kids in there.storung stuff etc. And they never discussed it before you..?
Do you really want other people in there in your absence..touching your stuff.? And if anyone wants to use it will you have to take them to the room or just give them the key ?

The cheek of some people never ceases to amaze me… and others seemingly go along with it which enables their crazy behaviour. Don’t be a mug, pull out and spend the money on something for your own family!

They never discussed it with me at all, I had no idea! There’s been absolutely no thought into what my husband is supposed to be doing while all the kids and whoever else is in the room. The ceremony is in the afternoon so he might have liked a lie in, a long bath, anything!

I am doing, for sure. I’ve had a really upsetting day due to some sad news yesterday and this has just tipped me over the edge. To think I finalised accommodation and travel plans to the wedding to cheer me up! I’ve had some messages but I haven’t responded this evening, it can wait until tomorrow.

When is the wedding?

Cheeky of them to assume that they can use your room.

This would have caused a massive headache for me though. When we got married part of our contract was that we had to fill a certain amount of the rooms (we had exclusive use of the venue). If we didn’t, we would need to cover the cost of the rooms ourselves.

It may be that other people have been turned away from booking on the assumption that you were taking the room (as you told them you were) and now they will need to cover the cost themselves.

YANBU to be pissed off about the room use thing, but please bear in mind that your close friend probably has a million things going on with planning this wedding (alongside every day shit) so going back on things is bound to cause some stress for her!

That is beyond cheeky! How incredibly rude of them! Don't cancel your hotel; if they need the room so badly, then they can take care of it.

I agree that it sounds like their arrangement with the hotel includes so many rooms being booked.

If that's the case, they should have told you.

It's also incredibly cheeky to decide they can use your room for their family members on the day.

Fuck that!

I hope you stick to your guns, OP.

So cheeky. You can literally say "Sorry that doesn't work for us as my partner will be using the room all day. Am I understanding correctly that you wanted me to pay for the room so it could be used by other people?"

You'd not be unreasonable to pull out. The total costs are ridiculous and the cheek of that would make the decision easy for me!

Really cheeky of them. Unexpected costs happen during a wedding, the gracious thing for them to do would be to just pay for the room themselves and then they can use it as they see fit.

They should’ve made clear about both the deposit and their intentions for the room on the day. Politely say your new room is non-refundable, you weren’t aware of the deposit, and you weren’t aware of that arrangement and that wouldn’t work for you anyway.

If she’s at all prickly with you about it, don’t go.