To be depressed about my financial situation compared to my neighbors

[greenwithenvy2]

My neighbor is about 59 years old and her husband is 63. She works for the local council as a HR coordinator and her husband, who is now retired, was a finance clerk for the local council.

They have a property portfolio worth around £2.4m (£1m mortgages) so approx £1.4m in property assets. They started their business in the early 90s, when they purchased their first property. They moved home, renting out their original house and repeated this again. With the increase in house prices they were able to remortgage their BTL and buy more property.

We are in our late 30s and are in a very privileged position - we earn a decent wage between us (£140k) and are able investment into our ISA each month but we will never able to have £1.4m in property investment.

I felt so bitter listening to her. They were able to provide gifts for their children to buy their houses and they have now set up companies so their children will inherit their wealth.

I get we are fortunate, but we'll never be able to do this for our children. They achieved this on fairly middling wages as well. I know there are a few other neighbors on our street who've managed this feat and now their kids are sitting pretty.

I felt disgusted at her and at myself for feeling this way.

Quite! Bitterness is a very unattractive emotion, especially about two people close to retirement.

Think yourself lucky with a household income of £140k. No doubt you work hard for it but you sound quite greedy and ungrateful. Due to disabilities my household income is £37k. You could do a lot worse!

Try to forget about your neighbours and just focus on your own lives. No good can come from comparing yourselves, you'll drive yourself mad.

So you looked up their financials at CH? Wow. (Yes I know it’s in the public domain, but that is really not good form.)

And yet, my teacher parents, now in their 80s, left London in the 1960s because they realised they would never be able to afford to buy there on a teaching salary. I'm wondering how on earth teachers my age afforded TWO London properties and holiday homes. I taught for 30 years and don't have a property portfolio.

They didn't do it on a teacher's salary I can tell you that.

Jesus Christ. Get a grip.al

Are you struggling to pay your rent to a shoddy landlord, visiting the food and to put food on the table for your children, scraping together money for a single day out in the holidays, hoping your children don't grow too much that you have to buy new uniform?

No.

That’s the same for me, my DF kindly painted mine and DH’s bedroom but there was no financial help when I bought my first house.

Pretty sure if you increased your hours /did some kind of training you could get paid more than this. You just may not have the drive or have chosen to prioritise having children etc ! Just because the bar is set here for you, doesn’t mean others can’t aspire to what fulfills them and feel upset that they aren’t afforded opportunities available to generations before us.

If they are BTL landlords and are mortgaged to a million, they will have a totally different attitude to risk than you. You can’t have it all ways. And on £140k you could do the same in a cheaper part of the country. But it’s relentless hard work and risky. So cut your cloth…

She didn't 'luck out' though did she - she made a decision to invest in property. There's nothing to stop you doing the same and making good gains over a twenty-year period.

what a mean spirited response which also totally misses the point.

Well they took the risks and the responsibility of housing other people. Something which you’ve just admitted you won’t do. Their wealth isn’t just from sitting doing their jobs. They’ve grafted very hard.
You could do similar

You recognise you being ridiculous so stop your whining grow up and take a look around you. You know what disgusts me? People who can’t read the room from their throne of privilege. 39? You sound about 12.

Stop looking at companies house then??? Honestly you’re getting a lot of hate in here but did you actually read your post before putting it out there? Please get a life/ wobble head.

Feeling jealous of someone is such a negative feeling. Try and look at what you do have. I have two friends that have gone through stage 4 cancer at 40. Both parents. One died within a (painful) month of diagnosis, the other worries every day about the impact of her death on her kids and husband.

Seriously, if you are healthy, you are truly lucky. If all you need to worry about is your neighbour has more money than you…. You are lucky in life.

There will always be people richer than you.
There will always be people more attractive than you.
There will always be people healthier than you.
There will always be people more fortunate than you.
Part of being an adult is accepting this and being happy in your own life or doing something about it.
Otherwise bitterness and jealousy will eat you alive.

I moved to London in the mid 70s, earned 3.5K as a teacher and bought my first house for £7.25K - no bath, outside loo etc paid it off in 12 years.
It was possible.

There's a myriad of complex reasons why someone may not have access to the same employment opportunities as others, and to reduce it to 'not having the drive' or 'prioritising children' is unbelievably condescending and ignorant.

140k a year is such a lot of money, you’ve lost sight of it.
I get what you mean, there is definitely a generation who have gained a lot in property etc, but it’s true that comparison is the thief of joy. I find it hard too not to compare to my better off neighbours, but it does make you feel crap. I’d only dream of earning £140k though, so it’s all relative.

Life is unfair though.
I am of the generation you think had it all so easy and do recognise we had some lucky breaks but we live in the North of England. Our eldest son lives in the South-East and his property has appreciated more in the last 5 years than ours has in the last 25years.
Should I resent everybody who lives in parts of the country that are doing better than here is?

I'm 53 and live in a council flat. Me and DH have a combined income of £29k. We'll never own a home and we don't have pensions or savings. We've never been on holiday, neither of us drive because we can't afford to learn much less buy and run a car and we don't have much in the way of luxuries. But we have enough to get by and life is good. We're happy. Probably because we don't compare ourselves to others who are financially better off.

Enjoy what you have, OP.

Take a look at yourself.
You are depressed at your financial situation?

How about being a lone parent, only just feeling secure (ie able to provide, NOT a tonne of savings or any sort of backup) following a very horrible divorce, facing redundancy. I haven't told anyone close to me as I am so ashamed.

You are seriously disgusted at people because they are 20 years older than you? Do you loathe your parents? Hugh Grant? You must really hate the King...

There are plenty of places where property is cheap enough for you to start your own BTL if you choose to do so on your income. We did have this option but in the end decided not to profit from other people's need for a home.

To be honest this is such a bizarre perspective, what if she gets cancer tomorrow or loses a child, we all have 'luck' or fate which means people have vastly different lives, it's quite bizarre to focus on this one aspect of an acquaintances life and feel you've been hard done to, we just have to focus our own situation and what we have to be grateful for, eg instead of thinking I was born 20 years too late and I'm not as rich as my neighbour, how about thinking, I wasn't born in a war torn country or with a life limiting disease???

It’s a very odd mentality from the OP, resenting someone else for making money from something you yourself could do but don’t want to because it’s ’too much stress/ effort’

sort of putting out finger on the problem here. They saved, or took equity out of their residential property and used it to buy a rental, then did the same over and over again. It’s the blueprint for portfolio landlords. Something the OP could easily do and make money from (it is profitable or else people wouldn’t do it) but something she’s turned her nose up to. Strange