To be depressed about my financial situation compared to my neighbors

[greenwithenvy2]

My neighbor is about 59 years old and her husband is 63. She works for the local council as a HR coordinator and her husband, who is now retired, was a finance clerk for the local council.

They have a property portfolio worth around £2.4m (£1m mortgages) so approx £1.4m in property assets. They started their business in the early 90s, when they purchased their first property. They moved home, renting out their original house and repeated this again. With the increase in house prices they were able to remortgage their BTL and buy more property.

We are in our late 30s and are in a very privileged position - we earn a decent wage between us (£140k) and are able investment into our ISA each month but we will never able to have £1.4m in property investment.

I felt so bitter listening to her. They were able to provide gifts for their children to buy their houses and they have now set up companies so their children will inherit their wealth.

I get we are fortunate, but we'll never be able to do this for our children. They achieved this on fairly middling wages as well. I know there are a few other neighbors on our street who've managed this feat and now their kids are sitting pretty.

I felt disgusted at her and at myself for feeling this way.

You said they ‘lucked out’ being born 20 years before you. You don’t control when you are born. Your prejudices are showing. It’s grim. Grow the fuck up. Yet another immature, tone deaf whinger who can’t take responsibility. Oh woe is me, it’s never my fault, everyone else is to blame because I don’t have millions in the bank. It’s pathetic.

If you want 1.4m like them, stop moaning and take a few risks now .... and invest your money like they did. You've got a big income. Start investing monthly in stocks, property, a business, crypto, whatever you know and understand. You've got 30 years to grow your assets and catch up with your neighbours. Get to it.

No, it was a conversation around children and providing them with financial help which triggered me. I don't know why, probably because I won't be able to help them, other than let them live with us for as long as they want.

You earn almost double the median salary and are moaning about people who have more.

Says it all really

....now if your neighbour was somehow sitting in judgement of you not having achieved the same as them, then that might be a little different. I'd feel pissed at that. Like I do when people say "I worked hard and looked after my money" insinuating that I haven't, when their parents funded loads of opportunities and helped them out with a house deposit!

I do get what you mean, although it’s a bit odd to know that much in your neighbours finances

it is purely generational it was far easier (comparatively speaking) to accumulate and growth wealth for the older generations.

i sometimes feel the same about my parents (not that I resent their success of course because I benefited from it and continue to do so) but more like I feel like a loser. My parents for instance were able to get a 5 bed house for 2x their combined salary, which in the last 30 years has gone up in value by over half a million quid. Pension income of just shy of £6k a month. 2 properties, tens of thousands in the bank, holidays to Florida every year as kids. The sheer fact is it was easier then.

But you sound like you’re doing incredibly well, it’s easy to lose sight of that when you’re looking up to people who have more. You’re doing the bed you can, and you are enough, enough for your kids and enough in the grand sense. You should feel proud of all you’ve accomplished.

if you want investment properties go for it, gotta start somewhere, a lot of landlords take the equity out of their residential property and use that as the first deposit for a BTL, up north will buy you more. HMOs will earn more per month but as riskier. Then in a few years take the equity out of BTL property 1 and get another and larger rinse repeat. Just make sure you have a limited company. It’s tough for a landlord right now but due to the dire lack of housing there’s always gonna be demand

But if its just a matter of her lucking out by being born 20 years before you, surely your parents are a similar age and they have had similar luck and so will have a company set up for you?

Or it is that your neighbours worked at middling wage jobs and made sacrifices along the way and are now in this position.

Long story short, you're being ridiculous.

Point taken.

They're already at an advantage, as you can provide them with a home while they get on their feet. You really have to look at things differently. Don't worry about what next door are doing. You sound like you have so much to be thankful for.

I wouldn't want to be a landlord because I wouldn't want the responsibility of providing a house for someone. It would be too stressful if their boiler broke for example and they didn't have any hot water.

You seem a bit unhinged searching your neighbours online

And again⬆️⬆️⬆️

Honestly OP, really?

@greenwithenvy2 this is madness, no one has control over when they were born.
And looking things up on Companies House and then getting bitter about it makes you sound slightly unhinged.
As the first poster said: comparison is the thief of joy.

Exactly what I was going to say.

Good grief grow up OP. I worked with a mum recently who hadn’t eaten in three days so her kids could have dinner. Bit of perspective needed perhaps?

I had this same conversation with my sil recently! It is going to be so hard for DH and I to help our children get onto the property ladder. Similar to you, we have a 6 figure salary. If you'd have asked me years ago what my life would be like on upwards of 100k I'd have said a huge detached house in a desirable are, 2 expensive cars, an all inclusive holiday abroad each year, plus a couple of other UK breaks.... We live in a modest 3 bed semi in a desirable village in the home counties and do have an expensive company car, but certainly not the lifestyle a similar salary would've equated to back in the 90s/00s. Inflation has something to do with that. Although I do also think that I am somewhat blinkered by the fact that we do live in a beautiful, desirable village. A lot of people have much bigger or 'better character' houses than us where we live, but tbh a lot of them are older so made better property gains when the market was cheaper. Even 6-10 years older makes a huge difference.

In summary, I know some have just bitten at your privileges, but I came here to say that I feel you op. You are privileged, as am I, but it's easy to not feel so privileged when everyone around you has more. And if it's on your doorstep it's easy to be reminded of what you don't have.

As for advice - I just try not to look at what others have, or be jealous. It's not easy, but it's helpful to not dwell on others.

My dad's 'top line' was never above £15000 and he brought up 4 children on that wage and we never missed out on anything whilst growing up. My dad retired when my youngest brother was 20 and my sister 22 and still staying at home and my sister was at Uni, this was in 2007.

I accept I am in a very decent position compared to many.

I am neighbour’s age and no one I know has a “property portfolio” !! I’ve got one house and I doubt if OP would be very jealous of that. Obviously the further back in time you go to a certain extent people had “better” property for their status, eg a clerk being able to afford a house in Clapham at the turn of the last century. But there you go.

You"re an idiot. Its not their fault. Jealousy is an ugly emotion. Concentrate on your own life and stop comparing. My parents couldn't afford to buy me a house. I don't hold it against them! Health and happiness is more important than money.

Well then your comparison is a bit moot my love, as that’s clearly how your neighbours have built wealth.

also that’s what letting agents and landlords insurance is for ;)

Then recognise that your neighbours DID take that responsibility on and worked for it! Honestly, I'm finding very hard to believe you earn what you do, I always imagined people with high salaries must be very capable at thinking things through and seeing the bigger picture!

You've cyber stalked her as well. Ffs.

My father born in the 40s is financially very secure purely via being born when he was born. My younger neighbour is a millionaire through her own skill, tenacity, attitude to risk and hard work. Meanwhile, me and DH just keep going as best we can, and are grateful for what we do have. Comparison achieves absolutely nothing!

Money isn’t everything but your health is, grow up and give yourself a reality check.
We have income of about a quarter of yours, I can’t work as I’m being treated for cancer and I have 2 kids. I have been hobbling around all day with swollen joints due to side effects.
You have a completely non problem!
i would love to be well enough to get a part time job to take the financial pressure off my husband, but who knows if this will actually ever happen.