To be depressed about my financial situation compared to my neighbors

[greenwithenvy2]

My neighbor is about 59 years old and her husband is 63. She works for the local council as a HR coordinator and her husband, who is now retired, was a finance clerk for the local council.

They have a property portfolio worth around £2.4m (£1m mortgages) so approx £1.4m in property assets. They started their business in the early 90s, when they purchased their first property. They moved home, renting out their original house and repeated this again. With the increase in house prices they were able to remortgage their BTL and buy more property.

We are in our late 30s and are in a very privileged position - we earn a decent wage between us (£140k) and are able investment into our ISA each month but we will never able to have £1.4m in property investment.

I felt so bitter listening to her. They were able to provide gifts for their children to buy their houses and they have now set up companies so their children will inherit their wealth.

I get we are fortunate, but we'll never be able to do this for our children. They achieved this on fairly middling wages as well. I know there are a few other neighbors on our street who've managed this feat and now their kids are sitting pretty.

I felt disgusted at her and at myself for feeling this way.

Is giving your children future ‘security’ a thing now? I don’t know many people who’ve inherited a £1.4m property portfolio, in fact most people I know are fortunate if they inherit a simple two up, two down. And that’s if all the money isn’t spent on care fees.

I won’t inherit anything but I have a great career and a very comfortable life. My parents gave me a happy childhood and a good work ethic. I certainly don’t need them to provide for my future security. I find that a really odd concept.

Two months ago a young member of my family died very suddenly and in horrific circumstances, when something like that happens money, property, getting and spending seem pointless and trivial. All I want is to stop the pain we are going through, to see my family member again and for none of it to have happened. In the end, especially an ending like this all that matters is love and supporting each other. It is very corny to say "count your blessings" and "live in the moment" but there is morsel of truth in corny cliches. Yes, money is important, we need it to live and to enjoy many aspects of life but don't let the envy of those who have more than you cloud your views of what really matters. My relative is gone, I will never see them again, never speak to them again and we are floundering around trying to negotiate this new and unwanted reality.

Baffling isn’t it

Life isn't fair - I get that it's frustrating but it's just the way things are. The only thing you can control is your own actions e.g. can you put money into savings/investments every month for your own DC so you could say least give them help with a deposit when the time comes?
Some people are born into wealth and inherit from parents/ grandparents, some are just lucky in life financially. Unfortunately, I'm neither 😅 but I'm blessed in other ways and I'm doing ok financially.

Are you dense or just ageist? Must remind all my friends here in Barnsley how well their parents had it in the 80s when their dads were striking and they didn’t have a pot to piss in for months. The only thing they did have were their homes, which they scrimped and fucking scraped to keep hold of if luck had it that family could help. When Christmas 1984 my in laws couldn’t afford to buy their two children any presents and had to have Christmas dinner at the WMC with alllll the other striking miners and their families. Oh they must have been dripping in welfare payments though, oh no that’s right, there wasn’t any. Then look at all the other broken up and ruined industries, primarily across the north. Where they shut down pits and closed down the steel works leaving hundreds of thousands of men destitute, often killing themselves because they couldn’t feed their families, they built fucking call centres and those men, whose only experience of work was hard labour from 14 years old, were expected to retrain, mostly, at their own cost but those men and those women who supported them forged on, they surmounted the massive mortgage fees of the 90’s by sacrificing a comfortable life, they paid tax on earnings so future generations could receive benefits should they need them. So, boo fucking hoo if they are now reaping the benefits of their hard work and sacrifice. The North was fucking decimated when those Northern Boomers were raising their families and I hope they prosper forever more.

So you were nosey enough to look them up on companies house, and now you're angry at them for making money being landlords, even though you wouldn't want to be a landlord because it's stressful.... what are you actually annoyed at? That they took a risk with their money doing something too stressful for you to consider and it paid off??

How do you know what you will and will not achieve in 20 years. It's irrelevant what this family have achieved, you do not know what they did along the way to achieve a comfortable life. There will have been many other families born at the same time who chose a different path.

One thing I can tell you is nothing comes without a sacrifice somewhere else. People think my husband and I have an easy life as it certainly appears that way looking at us today my husband is a consultant surgeon and I own a third of a mid sized architectural practice, with 5 girls all privately educated. However we were the ones who spent their 20s studying rather than earning money, I was the one who took the risk at 28 to borrow significant amounts to Co found our practice. We are the ones who lived below our means in our early 30s, purchased a house that required large amounts of work and had to live without heating for 2 years, we were the ones who delayed having children and we are now reaping the rewards.

The way to reap the rewards in your 50s is to take the risks in your 20s and 30s. If doesn't just happen whatever it looks like from the outside.

Yes, this. DH and I worked our way up on very average salaries, with no parental help, but with the huge blessing of stable homes and encouragement to achieve well at school, and a belief that hard work would pay off in time. And we now own a house worth over 800k with a LTV of under 30%. I was given the tools to build my own security, rather than expecting someone else to do it for me. We are saving some money for our girls, which they will get on a matched basis - we will match their savings up to a certain point, it certainly won't be an easy handout as we don't believe that it helpful.

I agree with you OP. And I'm actually in your neighbours position. Yes, life isn't fair, but that's no reason to just shrug our shoulders about the way we have stacked the odds against our young people. Almost all of this is down to housing. You might argue that the housing situation in the UK isn't the fault of older people. I would argue it is and I'm one of them. We hog large family homes on our own, including council housing and we vigorously and determinedly oppose planning applications to build homes for younger people.

So when the Boomers pass on and have inheritance to leave we’re all going to say “No thank you, don’t want your ill gotten gains” I trust

You’re getting a lot of stick here - I knew you would the moment I saw the title.

YANBU - the generation prior to us did have an advantage and from an average salary had the opportunity to multiply wealth tenfold by the time they reached retirement age - something that is unlikely to happen on a 140k combined wage. Posters on these types of threads think that it’s basically a millionaire lifestyle when they don’t factor in that tax on this is essentially a rip off and your take home pay is like being in the bracket below, childcare which allows you to have this is extortionate and eats in to probably a quarter of your earnings etc etc. You’d never be able to afford multiple mortgages / properties / savings in the way that the prior generation could. They had their own struggles in other areas where we don’t now, but where assets are concerned they had a leg up.

And yet some of the wealthiest people are your age, have a think about all of those who are thriving without an education, without family wealth! Your age had the benefit of the internet booming, influencers taking off, the ease of setting up a business, equality or pretty near to it, access to working any hours you choose and if you box clever from any location.

You need to live to your generations benefits not look back for someone to blame.

Hate these kind of posts. Bore off and rattle your money tree. Plenty people don’t know when they’ll eat again.

I'm in a similar position to you neighbour.

Was I handed anything ? No.

Was I lucky being born when I did ? Well, you judge. I grew up in a northern mining community, watched the pits close and the absolute decimation thereafter. I moved south , ALONE when was 20. I got a corporate job, not well paid, but one where there was the chance of progression.More than half my wages went on accommodation. I couldn't afford to go back home more than twice a year. This was well before mobile phones and face time. I met the man who became my husband - he was from the same background and had moved for the same reason. We worked. Very, very hard. We moved up the greasy corporate pole. Had kids late - mid 30's.

So, now, after 30 plus years we are in an extremely fortunate financial position, through our own very hard work and the sacrifices we made. Do we flaunt it ? No. Have we forgotten where we came from. Absolutely not. I know and respect people from all walks of life and treat them all exactly the same.

You don't know your neighbours story, It might be similar to mine.
You should never have started to dig around into their finances. Envy and jealousy are not comfortable bedfellows - as you are finding. You have a good household income.If you want to try and set you children up in the future, you can, but that will involve sacrifices now. Nothing comes easy. if you want something, you have to make it happen, because no one else will.

Can I just point out that the average age to inherit in the UK is 61. I find this - you'll get the money when they're gone - really sums up all that's wrong in the UK. It doesn't matter how hard you work, what matters is how much money your parents have.

Agreed. It is sickening to think many families are watching the electricity meter hoping the emergency credit doesn't go before pay day.
Stretching meals like a Mumsnet chicken.
I hope OP feels a bit silly now.

I'm old and comfortably off, I thought I'd made that clear in my post.

You are in such a fortunate position. You honestly sound like a spoilt whiny child. Grow up

id love to be on your income.

You accept it yet proceed to post on a public forum how unhappy you are with your financial position during a cost of living crisis. How very tone deaf of you, be grateful and keep your nose out of people’s business.

This is a bit of a straw man, there may be no inheritance if they need to sell the property to finance care.

i think the point is, factually and empirically boomers are the wealthiest generation and millennials as a whole won’t be able to attain the lifestyle lived by many boomers. It’s a very easy comparison as millennials become parents as our parents were largely boomers. We can compare the lifestyle our parents lived and us as children and see that we can’t do the same.

its disingenuous for boomers to pretend this isn’t true which is infuriating, likewise is the older generation voting for the right, which is kicking the ladder out from under them. But it doesn’t mean we resent boomers their relative affluence rather that we wish we could attain it ourselves

I live up the road from Denise Coates. Her estate is the size of a village. I just roll my eyes as her helicopter flies over and shakes the tiles off my dilapidated semi. But my mortgage will be paid off in 2.5 years and I'm sure many would love to be in that situation.

@Kendodd loving your posts. You’re hitting the nail on the head so succinctly

This.

You can think this but don't know why you felt the need to post. Most people would love to be in your position and would be envious of you as you seem to be of them.

Be happy with what you've got.

We've downsized into a tiny property so we can help our disabled son as he's far too vulnerable to live in social housing in our area. Maybe you could do the same when you retire?

Get a grip OP, honestly you sound so pathetic! Think about those starving people in Gaza. People, young children and babies, are starving to death. Count your blessings that you’re not in their position!