To be depressed about my financial situation compared to my neighbors

[greenwithenvy2]

My neighbor is about 59 years old and her husband is 63. She works for the local council as a HR coordinator and her husband, who is now retired, was a finance clerk for the local council.

They have a property portfolio worth around £2.4m (£1m mortgages) so approx £1.4m in property assets. They started their business in the early 90s, when they purchased their first property. They moved home, renting out their original house and repeated this again. With the increase in house prices they were able to remortgage their BTL and buy more property.

We are in our late 30s and are in a very privileged position - we earn a decent wage between us (£140k) and are able investment into our ISA each month but we will never able to have £1.4m in property investment.

I felt so bitter listening to her. They were able to provide gifts for their children to buy their houses and they have now set up companies so their children will inherit their wealth.

I get we are fortunate, but we'll never be able to do this for our children. They achieved this on fairly middling wages as well. I know there are a few other neighbors on our street who've managed this feat and now their kids are sitting pretty.

I felt disgusted at her and at myself for feeling this way.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

If you don't want to take on the risk they have, then you shouldn't be bitter about not getting the same result as them.

You were a bit nosey to look them up online.

What a nasty piece of work you are.

I’m a single mum working full time living on under £30k (includes any CB/UC) and renting. My children will get nothing from me and I won’t get an inheritance myself. Why don’t you compare yourself to me or others like me rather than looking skywards.

A lot of life is luck and decisions made at an early point. My children are hard workers and know they have to make their way without handouts from me and hopefully they’ll make sensible decisions because of it.

Assuming I can trust the figures on google, you've got a weekly income that's pretty much the same as I have for a whole month. I'll probably never be able to own my own home.

If it helps you feel better then think about me whenever you feel jealous of your neighbour.

Neighbor?

I'll be lucky to have £14 in property investment never mind £1.4m....I think you'll be fine OP. There are always others worse off than yourself.

Why won't you be able to help your children? My DH and I are a similar age to you, earn quite a bit less than you - joint income around 95k, and we will definitely be able to help our children - we are saving 2k per year for each of our girls in a high interest account since birth, so each will have a house deposit of around 50k depending on interest. Which I a appreciate puts them in a very privileged position. With an income significantly higher than us you could chose to do similar depending on how many children you have?

Listen, I get it. I wish I was rich AF and could do what I want, when I want with money being no obstacle. But I also know I’m not poor, I’m happy and it’s really not something to think about enough to make a post about. So you’re basically well off but not well off enough? Say that out loud and you may re think your post!

@bjkhilg890no this was the early 2000s up until around 2010. I was on a normal public sector salary. I used to save £10k for a deposit and then take out an interest only mortgage as a self cert.

I was single when I started so didn’t have huge outgoings. Made hay while the sun shone. And then along came George Osborne who put the kibosh on it all.

OP, you are focused on one aspect of your neighbour's life. Step back and take a broader view.

I'm a similar age to your neighbour. When I started work there was no pay equality. Unmarried mothers in my small village were shunned. Ditto divorced women.

When i got married we were advised to take out an equity mortgage. Well... that went badly wrong for many people.

When we had children I had max 18 weeks maternity leave. Was back at work when dc was 3 months. All childcare was paid for out of taxed income.

I'm not complaining, I understand how hard it is now for many people to get on the housing ladder. But it wasn't all honey and roses for me.

Your neighbours could walk out onto a road next week and get wiped out by a bus. The money they've accumulated would be irrelevant then.

Or then came the crash and lots of lenders collapsed or needed bailouts due to unregulated mortgages that they were selling to heavy adverse customers on IO self cert basis, it was a house of cards destined to collapse

I understand where you are coming from. Envy is not pleasant and it can feel a bit shameful to experience it when you know you are in a comparatively decent financial position. It’s good to get it out and voice it here when it might be hard to do so in real life. I think the tricky thing is that even if you had what this lady has, there likely would be similar feelings of envy but for something else. It’d be worth reflecting on what might be at the root of it all. Is it worrying you that you’re not doing enough as a parent? Are you worrying a lot about the future that awaits your kids? There’s a lot we can’t control and for me it’s helpful to focus on the here and now. My DH and I have a lot less than you but I’m hoping we will equip our DD with the tools that she will be able to make a decent life for herself. Who knows what’s round the corner. Maybe one day I’ll become a millionaire but at the moment am trying to make the best of each day. You need to shake off that envy as it will get in the way of enjoying life when you are in privileged position. Good luck.

the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. My next door neighbor is wealthier than me but I wouldn’t be swapping positions for the sake of wealth. Enjoy what you have and stop being so envious of others.if you spend your time looking at others and what they have you won’t be able to enjoy what you have. You already live with more than what some have.

Rather than being unreasonably disgusted by people who have built a business and improved their financial position, why aren't you doing similarly? Move house, convert your current mortgage to BTL, and take it from there.

Get a grip op. When you drop dead, your children will remember good memories and love, not how many houses you bought them.

First post nailed it. In the 80's/90's the financial advice was to put your money into property in order to retire with a half decent pension. It was also the time when mortgage interest rates were around the 10% + mark. Every generation has their peaks and troughs. (In the 70's, Labour managed to push the higher tax rate up to 90% for top earners). Look at what your generation may excel with. I am learning how to trade stocks and shares in my mid 50's. It's a great way to earn a good return, if you take a bit of time to understand how it all works. My DC are trading and have helped me learn. At their age, we were all ploughing money into property, and most of our parents didn't have a pot to piss in as we grew up. Bitterness will eat you up if you let it.

It's the luck of when you're born.

I mean, you could have been born 200 years ago working 80 hours in a mill for enough money to buy a sack of potatoes a week so be glad you were born when you were!

This is why I never talk about money with anyone (including some family members) as there are jealous people out there. Tell them nowt.

So, you're jealous of your neighbour's property portfolio but don't want to own investment properties yourself. You earn way above average wages. You're buying your own home. What on earth is the problem? You just want more? So what are you doing to help yourself get more? And when you have more, what next? Even more?

Stop comparing yourself to others. Unless you're Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk, someone always has more than you. Being jealous is hurting only one person, and it's not your neighbour.

OP could look if it from another perspective.

Being 20 years younger and with an income of £140k, invest half of it.

By the time she’s the same age as her neighbour she’ll have £3M.

Jeez. My wage is not even £10,000. I sometimes struggle at the end of the month to afford food for myself and I love month to month. Think yourself lucky.

So you aren’t prepared to take the risk and hard work, but are jealous of the outcome??