AIBU to tire of moral superiority around meals?

[Spinmerightroundbaby]

I think if women/mothers have the time to spend cooking nutritious meals and enjoy doing it, that’s a beautiful thing. I have noticed though, there’s a tendency just lately for judgement towards parents who sometimes opt for frozen foods, takeaways or less healthy options.

AIBU to think that as long as there is a balance and your family isn’t on KFC every day, people should keep snooty attitudes to themselves as the odd frozen meal or microwave dinner isn’t a big deal? Especially if it means you have more quality time with your children rather than fussing about in the kitchen? Especially for working mothers too who are generally time poor and low energy.

It just feels like it’s the whole BF versus formula feeding disagreement but it’s become a bit more prevalent (in my locality at least) and I find it a bit tiresome. To me it feels like mostly now, this isn’t even about women wanting to do right by their children, it is about perception. They want to be perceived as ‘good’ mothers when children care more about quality time with their parents.

I always remember when I first signed up for a parenting forum, reading a thread that was started explicitly about seeing a young child eating fast food and hammering the parents - well, the mum - for it. It always stuck in my mind because on that day my daughter who was about four at the time had just had popcorn chicken from KFC for the first time. It really made me realise how much of this is snap judgements made on pretty much no knowledge. At that time my daughter was eating five small meals a day, every day - so many, many meals, and it was the first time she'd ever had anything from KFC (prior to that she'd had the occasional fish fingers from McDonalds) - one meal out of hundreds, but some snooty arse passing by could make a ton of assumptions and think it was worth posting on a forum to denigrate me.

I know I’m my own worst enemy with this as I get bored of foods very easily and am always on the hunt for new dinner ideas - other than my favourites like poached eggs that I would eat every night if I could. The rest of the family, less so 😂 (I’m autistic/ADHD so the pull between discovering new menus and wanting the same food is a nightmare 😂🫣).

I do menu plan but inevitably it goes wrong. The night I’d planned to do something that takes a lot of work is always the night when something happens and I don’t have time. And then I lack the capacity to figure out a quick and easy alternative that doesn’t rely on fishfingers etc 😂😂

In my defence, our home life can be quite challenging. DP is disabled with a neurological condition and is very limited, DM lives in the annexe and has cerebral palsy and dementia, DC are both autistic and home educated now. DC are 15 yrs old but have high needs - DS is still in nappies and neither will shower/wash without help, need all activities to be supported etc. I also work as a self-employed copywriter with publishing deadlines. There’s so much capacity for things to go wrong on a daily basis 🫣😂

I know I don’t live up to the high standards of MN but I’m quite proud that despite everything, my DC get meals cooked from scratch most of the time, including lunches. They eat tons of fruit and veg and weirdly, don’t snack. I can’t claim a moral victory there, no idea how that happened 😂🤷‍♀️

I’m not going to hang my head in shame about an occasional freezer food dinner despite what some on this thread might think.

Im a home cook who cooks all the time , not so much for the love of cooking but the love of good food and a desire that the kids ate well growing up.

Your comment about takeaway makes me laugh tho as to being able cook the equivalents better lol
Always reminds me of going to a friends who announced instead of all pooling in for a huge Indian takeaway her ‘hubby’ was making his ‘famous authentic curry’ better than any restaurant/takeaway don’t you know
The men in the group were broken hearted - devastation in the WhatsApp group -lol!!

I think there’s just no comparison for a special treat dinner. Sure, who wants all that on a Tuesday night but at the weekend the convenience, the richness, ( the salt!) the variety and flavour and general moorishness just lands differently.

Even in Italy the teens love chain domino style pizzas over what mumma makes on occasion. Different experience.

Completely agree with @frozendaisy - the book “Good Enough” by Dr Tara Porter covers this well. The obsession with being perfect (whether it be school grades, looks, or food) is a big factor in spiking mental health issues in young people. Parenting that strives to be good, but not “perfect”, provides more space for kids to make independent decisions in a world that really isn’t perfect.

Food is a big case in point - parents can’t shield kids from UPFs and Just Eat forever. What they can do is teach / show their kids what healthy choices are, and why they are important, but also that the odd beige meal won’t kill you. Setting groups of food as binary choices - good and bad - will not make for a healthy relationship with food in the long run. I say this as a parent who makes healthy meals from scratch most of the time, but refuses to flagellate myself over the times I don’t.

It is interesting that OP did not reply to any of the posts.

OP where are you?
Bit pointless staring an AIBU ( esp one that’s been done to death ) if you are not going to participate in it no?

YANBU at all and don't get me started on the people who post fancy recipes in response to the "Ideas for a Lazy Tea" threads either! 🙄
You're talking to people who can't even be arsed to grate a bit of cheese over their pasta and I'm one of them!

I buy it pre-grated, assumed we all did now 😂

Pre grated cheese has a weird texture… it’s hard and doesn’t melt properly!

What if you wanted it for a sandwich or crackers as well though, Sleepless?
Surely most of us can't afford to buy both normal and grated these days. Cheese is DEAR! 😬😆

I only eat melted cheese, so crackers would just have butter on, and the 2 bags of cheese for.. however much, in Tesco, meets my cheese needs!

I have never encountered a hardened cheese, and I don’t eat in slices.

That’s probably enough cheese clarification 😂

Haha what kind of things do they say lol?

smashed avo’ on sour dough with a poached egg, micro herbs and some angel tears dressing?
Shashuka with home made flat breads’ and some type of whipped bean dip ?

Frittata with side of Swiss chard , morning glory and something with a molasses drizzle

that sort of quick tea?

never just beans on toast is it. Or brown toast n marmite/peanut butter; boiled egg and soldiers - all delicious simple pleasures and very nutritious for an adults/ kids quick tea.

It sounds like you're doing an amazing job.

I don’t think anyone is denying that but some people are very precious about it and make comments like ‘oh I’d never cook food from a freezer.’ ‘Oh I don’t even really need a freezer as I don’t use frozen food.’ What I’m saying is there are people who are real purists and judge those who for various reasons decide not to cook from scratch from time to time. So yeah there is a real moral superiority as it’s not simply, ‘in doing a healthy choice because it’s better for my children’ but ‘I am better than other people because I don’t do all these unhealthy proletariat things…’ There's a moral superiority and also an elitist element to it which I find rather gross.

Note re some of the comments on ready microwave meals: do not like them and I don’t buy them but weirdly, my kids find them a real treat when they are with someone else who does them! I guess it’s the novelty value. 😂

Although I’m sympathetic, I lose patience a bit with the folks who spend hours cooking meals repeatedly for toddlers that they won’t eat… it just seems like martyrdom.

Busy with a life outside of Mumsnet, dang it. 😁Nice to see I’m not alone in all this. Do I think it’s good to have high standards and try the best you can to serve your children healthy food? For sure. I just think some people need to relax about it.

You’re doing well. :)

Kindly, I think you're projecting. Wish I could be bothered cooking for hours but I don't because I'm lazy. Obviously frozen food, like frozen vegetables are fine, but processed crap like fish fingers is crap so good on them of they don't feed their kids that (I do, but I admire people who make that effort).

Haha yes… never quick and they’re really just humble brags from the responders. I love people who are just passionate about cooking and their food (I have one friend who adores cooking and experimenting and it all comes from a place of love and fun, not moral superiority). There are some though who are like ‘woo look at me and my bourgeoisie recipes, I’m a step above…’ I just roll my eyes at the BS.

Nope. Just have a life outside of Mumsnet and don’t check every day. Very strange to some of you, I know… 😂

I don't understand the need for" massive" salads with everything lol.

Asda Pizza counter are better than the takeaways though.

Too bloody expensive. And just why ?

It’s quite often actually cheaper than a block of cheese, and I don’t buy both types. I’ve just checked and in the supermarket we use, it’s around £1 cheaper.

We only eat grated cheese, so the “why” is because I can’t be bothered grating it, and don’t see why I would need to if I’m never using it in any form other than grated anyway.

Ease, basically!

By weight? Like 400g of grated cheese costs the same as a 400g block? Interesting as it never used to be.

I’ve got no idea, I don’t buy it by weight. Can’t say I’ve ever noticed.

I’d imagine not; but the convenience of not turning it into the form I need is worth extra cost. I don’t churn my own butter either!

I agree. Apart from the cost, grated cheese tends to be lower quality, and there are fewer varieties that are available in grated firm. Just compare grated ‘Parmesan’ vs the real thing. Plus it gets mouldy after a while.

It takes literally seconds to grate a chunk of cheese.