AIBU to tire of moral superiority around meals?

[Spinmerightroundbaby]

I think if women/mothers have the time to spend cooking nutritious meals and enjoy doing it, that’s a beautiful thing. I have noticed though, there’s a tendency just lately for judgement towards parents who sometimes opt for frozen foods, takeaways or less healthy options.

AIBU to think that as long as there is a balance and your family isn’t on KFC every day, people should keep snooty attitudes to themselves as the odd frozen meal or microwave dinner isn’t a big deal? Especially if it means you have more quality time with your children rather than fussing about in the kitchen? Especially for working mothers too who are generally time poor and low energy.

It just feels like it’s the whole BF versus formula feeding disagreement but it’s become a bit more prevalent (in my locality at least) and I find it a bit tiresome. To me it feels like mostly now, this isn’t even about women wanting to do right by their children, it is about perception. They want to be perceived as ‘good’ mothers when children care more about quality time with their parents.

It's all relative I think. Often on here you have people mentioning giving their kids omelette or picky bits for their dinner whereas I never would. However, whilst I mostly cook from scratch I often make meals that the kids can have the next day too particularly if I'm working. Some people wouldn't ever feed their kids or themselves leftovers and so would likely judge that.

I do think there is a lot of information readily available on what constitutes a balanced diet and it is more accessible than ever.

@Spinmerightroundbaby Are you sure they're snooty attitudes? Are they not just people with different opinions to yours?

Because treating housing as a mere product (rather than a basic need) has meant that housing is unaffordable, so more parents are working full time. It's very hard to cook nutritious meals when you aren't home till after 6 every day.

Food advertising also plays a part.

Yes, agreed. Nobody is perfect, but stomach and colon cancers in young people are at unprecedented levels and it is thought that this could partly be due to a childhood diet thst is high in ultra processed foods. I wouldn't comment on what individual people feed their children. I just don't think that a diet heavily based on crappy food is going to do children any good.

It’s quicker to cook a fresh meal than it is to order takeaway and wait for it to be delivered, and a fraction of the price. Get everyone involved in choosing the meal, going shopping, and cook it together. We do this after work with the kids helping with the cooking / laying table etc. as appropriate for their ages. Could also prep / chop fruit / veggies at the weekend in advance when everyone has more time.

@Evergreen21 There's nothing wrong with an omelette!

I love cooking from scratch and I enjoy cooking for my family. I have two autistic DC but thankfully we’re now at a point where they’ll eat a decent range of food, albeit they won’t try anything new/anything that looks/smells different.

However I do think lots of comments on this thread are missing the point. Yes, there are plenty of simple recipes - but you need to a) have the ingredients in the house and b) have the mental headspace to conjure them up.

If you’re knackered/rushed/stressed, sometimes you just don’t have the time or mental clarity to throw together a filling, nutritious meal.

So many “quick meals” cited on this thread involve fresh ingredients and then chopping, prepping, and then standing to cook. That’s not a quick meal 😂

Chucking some fishfingers in the oven or even….shock….a ready-made lasagne means you don’t have to think, nor stand and cook.

Nutrition is very important but taking a short-cut now and again won’t do serious harm.

It’s not just time and energy, but it’s also mental load. If you don’t ever struggle then genuinely, good for you. But many of us do sometimes, and there’s no shame in a healthy diet that’s propped up by convenience food occasionally.

I can't say I've ever noticed any 'moral superiority' around meals. And why worry what others think anyway? It's none of their business.

I cook from scratch 6 nights a week for three reasons

• ready meals are stupidly expensive and I'm on a budget
• there are no takeaways nearby so it's quicker to cook
• I can make better food than I can buy. It only takes a few minutes to make a good omelette or pan-fry some hake.

I can't claim moral superiority. Ds has shop pizza & garlic bread on Friday nights, and I've got oven chips and shop sausage rolls as a back up, in the freezer just like everyone else.

@SpidersAreShitheads but ultra-processed foods absolutely do serious harm. Fish fingers, incidentally, are just about the healthiest convenience food you can buy. That ready- made lasagna, though, not so much.

I've seen all of it. I have always cooked from scratch and, as for spending time with kids, they loving cooking with me from very young.

My older kids weren't fussy at all, easy. The next two are arfid kids and, if it gives parents hope who are going through this, it does get easier when they start cooking for themselves. My two arfid kids do now cook for themselves. They do know fruit and veges are important so find ways to work it in that works for them. Their diets have never been what I'd prefer, still aren't, but it has got a lot better as they've got older and found their own ways.

That doesn't stop me cooking from scratch and growing some of my own for the rest of the family though. Just as my arfid kids (now adults) get to make their own choices, so do I.

I really don't care one bit what other people feed their families. Not my life, not my health. I just know what makes me feel better. For me, it's especially worth it as my diet allows me to manage my IBD without the need for medications. For no other reason even, that makes it worth the effort.

My local Chinese do a delicious mushroom omelette (loads of mushrooms) with chips and peas. I microwave a halved tomato to go with it and that will do me for two meals. A nice treat I don't have to cook, and not too hideous nutritionally .

I agree - fish fingers are my convenience food of choice!

as for
It’s not just time and energy, but it’s also mental load. If you don’t ever struggle then genuinely, good for you. But many of us do sometimes, and there’s no shame in a healthy diet that’s propped up by convenience food occasionally.

When I was ‘in the trenches’ (small kids, working full time) I had a 2-week menu on rotation, with ready printed shopping list. Zero thinking involved - first week Thursday, so it’s chilli con carne with rice and salad; second week Monday, salmon, potatoes and broccoli, et cetera.

The menu and the list would be tweaked every now and again if and when we got bored with a dish, or when I discovered a new dish to try out.

But yes, occasional convenience food is fine. In fact, I’m actually more concerned about the amount of crisps and sweets children (including, sadly, my granddaughter) seem to consume as ‘snacks’, and the lack of fruit and vegetables in their diets.

Never have take-aways here. They're not even convenient for me since I don't drive.

But if I'm not in the mood for fancy cooking, I quite often have quick home-made one-pot microwave meals, using a little fresh diced veg (e.g. onion, capsicum, zucchini - takes all of five minutes) along with frozen veg (e.g. peas, carrot & corn), some tinned beans (kidney, butter or four bean mix, not the baked beans in that overly sweet sauce), little splash of olive oil, some seasonings, mix and microwave for four minutes.

For extra protein, add a couple of eggs or some diced chicken, ground meat or the occasional sliced sausage. Very quick, cheap, tasty and nutritious meal.

I do have to say that a lot of the examples of easy meals (including my own in my earlier post) are not great for allergies. My dc have milk and egg allergies so 90% of the suggestions on here aren't doable or you add in non dairy subs that are upf.

It is doable to eat fresh and healthy but it costs more to make the food nice. So you might need to focus far more on spices and freshness if you can't use feta or tatziki with your Greek style fresh wraps. You can't make Macaroni cheese, lasagna, any quick egg dishes (I can for one dc but not the other). People say just chuck a potato in the oven but then what do you have on it? Dry tuna? Which you're then told is full of mercury. It's much much harder and more expensive.

They want to be perceived as ‘good’ mothers when children care more about quality time with their parents.

What children care about isn't the only metric for what's good for them.
It really doesn't need to be either/or, unless you're super-broke or otherwise really struggling (I have been there.) Fresh food can be very simple especially for kids. Our breadmaker has made fresh non-upf bread super easy and that, raw fruit and veg and a bit of cold protein is fine by me for a kid's meal. (That's mostly not what what we eat. But it can be.)
I give my kids rubbish sometimes. Most of it is from scratch. But I have one picky kid and he eats more potato smileys than the other one for instance. We live in a hot country atm and they get more sweetened drinks than they should because I'd rather that than dehydration if they're being stubborn about drinking water and milk. You do what you can. We're vegan and judgement from people about my kids' food bounces off at this point because I have heard it all. They eat well. The occasional less-optimal foodstuff doesn't ruin that. But I think decent food is just as important as quality time tbh.

@Stripeysockspots sounds difficult. I don't stress at all about some stuff that is technically UPF eg plain unsweetened soy milk and yoghurt. I think you have to consider its role in the diet, whether it is hyper-palatable and leads you to overeat, just how much crap it actually has in it etc. (I have never been able to have dairy, don't have a serious allergy but it makes me feel sick and always has.) We have amazing Mac and cheese using DH's cashew cheese that he makes and is def not UPF but also very much not quick lol. If I were to chuck a potato in the oven (which I never do tbh, it doesn't feel that quick/easy to me) I'd probs put a decent quality baked bean on it, like Duchy Organic.

I do love cooking and I am privileged that most of time, I do have the time. And I have always been mindful about using fresh ingredients and avoiding UPFs. But there are some days where I cannot face putting knife to chopping board and I can't get away with a ready meal, not even the posh ones because the DCs think they taste weird.
And on those days it's a chicken in the oven, jacket potatoes, and steamed tenderstem broccoli. I appreciate it's not the quickest cook time, but zero effort required. And I always have pots of smooth home made tomato and vegetable pasta sauce in the freezer for the days where I just cannot be arsed.

Did anyone see a thread a few months back where it was discussed how many times a week the children had fast food/takeaway, crisps and chocolate.

99% of the response were. McDonald’s twice a year. Maybe. Chocolate. Never. They don’t like it. And crisps. Two bags a week.

It made me feel like the unhealthiest person on the planet.

Tbf chicken breast cooks quicker, however I agree thighs have more flavour.

Chicken breasts have less fat and fewer calories, but I agree that thighs are usually the tastier choice.

And it's no surprise that the most popular breast dishes (like Chicken Kyiv and cordon bleu) add a lot of fat to compensate.

Look around you, do you genuinely think most people in the country are eating healthy meals with the occasional take away?
’Being kind’ about people’s food choices clearly hasn’t worked has it.

Thing is the OP starts off bemoaning judgement around food, but then criticises women (just women of course) for ‘fussing’ and missing ‘quality time’ with their children for ‘perception’ so throwing out plenty of judgment. Why can’t we just do our best and have confidence in our own choices (or work towards different ones if we want) without the need to justify them by bringing other people down.

Yes we do sometimes do organic baked beans but I'm not a fan! We just avoid foods. So we have a restricted menu and eat a lot of Mexican food using coconut yogurt (they have soy allergies) instead of sour cream and just dont have cheese. It gets dull though.

But I do work 50-80 hours a week..dh is full time too so I sure has hell am not spending my weekends making cashew cheese rather than out with dc 😅

Everyone knows it’s undoubtedly healthier to eat salmon and brown rice with broccoli than a pizza but a balance of healthy and convenience foods is going to be fine. My first child had the perfect diet until she went to school. I couldn’t breast feed and went a bit ott on compensating. Second child came along and they don’t like the same stuff at all and both are stubborn enough that they won’t eat so if I have an evening of chicken dippers and chips to save my sanity then I don’t worry too much otherwise I’d be like a restaurant.

child 1: loves egg, fish, veg and rice but not shellfish. Very happy with a simple protein plus type meal. Hates pasta, yogurt snd soup and anything tomato based.

Child 2: loves pasta and soup, not big on meat but likes shellfish - now won’t touch egg. Loves yogurt and fruit- not so good with veg.

With one of them, it would be quite easy to plan to be UPF free etc but with both having opposite tastes, logistics for meal times are just more challenging.

Virtue signalling is everywhere. I have a suspicion that those that talk loudest about their healthy cooking routines are secretly buying a lot of take aways. I could be wrong.

Your whole post is about women/mothers and no mention of the men at all. Why is that?