AIBU to tire of moral superiority around meals?

[Spinmerightroundbaby]

I think if women/mothers have the time to spend cooking nutritious meals and enjoy doing it, that’s a beautiful thing. I have noticed though, there’s a tendency just lately for judgement towards parents who sometimes opt for frozen foods, takeaways or less healthy options.

AIBU to think that as long as there is a balance and your family isn’t on KFC every day, people should keep snooty attitudes to themselves as the odd frozen meal or microwave dinner isn’t a big deal? Especially if it means you have more quality time with your children rather than fussing about in the kitchen? Especially for working mothers too who are generally time poor and low energy.

It just feels like it’s the whole BF versus formula feeding disagreement but it’s become a bit more prevalent (in my locality at least) and I find it a bit tiresome. To me it feels like mostly now, this isn’t even about women wanting to do right by their children, it is about perception. They want to be perceived as ‘good’ mothers when children care more about quality time with their parents.

Good fresh food doesn't have to be massively time-consuming though. It doesn't take long to make a vegetable frittata or a mixed bean chilli. Tonight I roasted a load of veg (aubergine, courgettes, peppers, red onions) and we had it with crumbled feta, couscous, salad, pittas, olives and tzatziki. Took about 25 mins to prepare & cook.

I don't think the odd takeaway is a problem but I do think feeding growing children nutritous food is a big part of being a parent, just like making sure they're clean and get enough sleep 🤷‍♀️

A diet consisting mainly of ready meals, UPFs and takeaways should never be normalised and I say that as someone who grew up in this type of household.

Homemade, nutritious food is vital especially for growing kids. It’s really not complicated to rustle up meals from scratch but food education is so lacking in this country.

Why is it always chicken breasts, when thighs are cheaper, tastier, and a lot less dry?

I don’t make comments to others and wouldn’t say we eating the healthiest meals as i do often stick quorn nuggets/fish fingers in air fryer or grab a pizza from aldi on way home but do try to make homemade nutritious food for my children.

I work long days and have little help with my 4yr old but i batch cook and portion it up and stick it in outside freezer and then only need to defrost and warm up. Soups, pasta sauces, shepherds pie, filling for tacos etc Plus always have fruit to eat/blend into smoothies. I find it’s better financially to batch cook and also want them growing up with meals based around fruit/veg/beans/pulses etc Each to their own but your child not going to thrive if living on food which barely provides any nutrition

Ideally I'd love to feed my oldest DC lots of veg, fruit etc, but his additional needs means he won't eat the majority of foods mentioned on this thread. He's a bit better now he's a teen but still won't eat just anything put down to him

I agree, but breasts are less fatty and better for cholesterol. But yes, chicken thighs, pierced, daubed with garlic, salt, black pepper, a sprinkle of paprika and the juice of a lemon and left in the fridge overnight before 45 minutes in a hot oven to come out crispyand delish. Served with cous couse with lemon, mint, coriander, feta and a mixed salad.

There's a massive middle ground between preparing every meal from scratch with organic food and eating takeaways all the time.

I am not averse to the odd takeaway and my kid eats junk food sometimes (more than I'd like). But let's be honest, feeding children a balanced diet which includes fresh ingredients and some vegetables is pretty important.

Also honestly I work full time, often 9 plus hours a day and I usually manage to make at least one meal from scratch. It's not that hard to make sure there is one home-cooked meal a day which involves some vegetables.

I get a veg box and make homemade stuff. I also sometimes chuck a ready meal in. Perfection is the enemy of good.

Only ultra processed. There's nothing wrong with semi processed food like yogurt, cheese , pasta etc.

I don't judge what other people do, each to their own, everyone has different pressures and budgets.

But for me food is a really big deal. I grew up on a lot of processed food and I really struggled as a young adult with my diet, my weight, health and body image. My childhood diet wasn't the only factor but it really didn't help. I try to make sure most food we eat is homemade (obviously they have crisps, haribo, ice cream, McDs now and then) but food is what I prioritise.

I don't think this is moral superiority it's just people doing their best, like 99.9% of parents are. 'Best' is just different from one person to the next depending what your life looks like.

I think if women/mothers have the time to spend cooking nutritious meals and enjoy doing it, that’s a beautiful thing.

Just the women and mothers?

What about the men and fathers?

I absolutely do not think that anyone should be judged for how they feed their families. People do what they can with what they have. Having said that, we do try to cook from scratch as much as possible. I almost never use frozen food, and literally my whole family cooks to a certain degree. We do this because we love eating good, delicious food, and in my opinion frozen, ready made meals are not.

Btw, cooking should not be only a woman's job. A man and all the kids, should be involved as well.

Exactly. It's sad if it's seen to be morally superior feeding your kids what you should be! The bar is getting too low

You'd have to be pretty well off to eat KFC regularly, it's extortionate!

I want to preface this by saying I am an incredibly lazy person and hate cooking so am absolutely not judging anybody who doesn’t want to spend time in the kitchen and also understand that for working women, having to cook a family dinner at the end of the day is hard. But I do think that feeding your kids non processed food is the bare minimum. There are quick, lazy options - cheese on a jacket potato, cheese on toast, scrambled eggs etc etc. Frozen food/ready meals/fast food etc are full of harmful chemicals and eating these things regularly have long term effects, some of which we don’t even understand yet. You have an informed choice of what you put in your body, your kids don’t and I do think it’s shameful when parents can’t even be bothered to feed their children a normal meal especially when the time it takes to put a potato in the microwave is the same as putting fish fingers in the oven (for example)

I don't resort to freezer food. If I need a 'quick' meal, then it's pasta and throw some veg in. Or there are plenty of other options that PP are mentioning. Takes under 15 minutes - less than your average beige freezer delight.
Batch cooking and the slow cooker is my friend too.

we have an obesity crisis which is increasing affecting children so potentially we need to be more concerned about what kids are eating, not less.

Lots of frozen things are healthy eg frozen fruit and veg may have more vitamins. Double cooking and freezing half is fine. Ditto tomato or cheese sauce or bolognese sauce. Frozen fish is fine. Ready meals less so.

I struggle so much with discussions around DC and food. DD11 has ARFID and has been difficult to feed since she was tiny. I already felt so much guilt but then I'd come on here (or other places!) and see people crying, "omg you fed your child a CHIP, what a terrible mother you are!" which made me feel even worse!

DS7 has a much better diet but can still be picky if he's unsure or if something isn't "right". I try so hard but sometimes you've got to give them something they'll eat because otherwise you've got miserable, hungry kids. I'm not saying mine have McDonalds every week, and we do our best to get the healthiest meals we can into them, but our general household diet would have half of MN clutching their pearls.

My ex-MIL is Spanish- lovely lady. Worked full time but never ever compromised on mealtimes as believed with all her heart, what your loved ones actually ingest in terms of nutrients and goodness is incredibly important - especially children who are growing.
Her idea of fast food eg dinner on the table in ten minutes would have been a pan fried protein -fish /chicken/pork/ usually with some olive oil and sea salt- maybe lemon and paprika. Alternatively a two egg omelette with tuna.
This would be served with a tomato and onion salad, garlic mayonnaises and good bread. Afterwards there would be a slice of cheese, two pieces of fruit and a glass of milk.
Day in day out while she was working and all on the table in the time it takes to fry a fillet and chop a tomato.

The idea that nutrition would be sacrificed at the altar of ‘chilling out’ or not being arsed was totally alien to her - leading to clashes when my lazy ex-SIL had a fussy son who became partial to pizza - on a weeknight no less! IIRC he wouldn’t drink milk either which kept the poor woman awake at night.

God I miss her (and her omelettes)

Exactly this.

doesnt take time put a chicken breast in egg yolk then breadcrumbs if you want to bung some cut potatoes in the oven with oil and salt (maybe some paprika) is all home made and delicious. Serve with salad, or peas or whatever takes your fancy

or bumg some pesto, cashews, olive oil and Parmesan in a blender and you’ve got home made pesto (add garlic if you like it)

or poached salmon (salt and lemon juice in a touch of water, bring to boil and switch off and leave for 10 mins) and a salad (leaves, tomatoes, onions//spring onions, olive sweetcorn, peppers) - take less than 10
mins - serve with crusty bread

we do make more elaborate things, but I do not buy this attitude of cooking take ages

honestly, we don’t eat many (any) take aways as it is over salted, expensive and greasy
and we just don’t enjoy it.

I am judgemental of people (my extended family behind their backs - i know i am a bit of a cow!). But every meal is pretty much ultraprocessed. It starts at breakfast with crappy cereal. Sandwiches and crisps for lunch. Convenience food for dinner - not even that quick to make, eg oven chips, sausages and beans.

It does not take that long to make simple food alternatives. And it doesn't have to be homemade from scratch all the time. What about half?

I know they have the time because they are on their devices for hours in the evening.

It is also my mum (in her 70s). I visited her and cooked her a stew for dinner, soup for lunch, but she said thanks but no thanks. Frozen supermarket lasgne and cream crackers instead. It makes me sad because she has heart issues, and eating proper would help. Buy she is too set in her ways. I have to respect that. So, I don't nag. Just moan behind her back to vent!

I cook a mixture.

There are nights when I shove beige in the oven. It's slower than cooking pasta and even than shoving some veg and other ingredients into a blender to make a sauce, but sometimes it's brain capacity and standing time that wins.

Alas the more effort, and the more nutrients I put into a meal, the more likely it is that I'll offend DS who'll come in, look and dismiss my efforts as "hodge podge" and pick grumpily at the least suspicious lumps. Unfortunately it's common with autism to favour the consistency and predictability of processed food over naturally variable foods. BLW and years of producing home-made, multi-allergen free has not prevented him getting picky with age and sometimes he just needs loading with empty calories to not become underweight rather than negotiating over nutrients at every meal. The worst thing I can do is apply too much pressure, stress him and he'll strop off without eating until the next meal.

The range of "good enough" is pretty broad, and not all processed foods are equal in nutritional value (or lack of). A jar of Dolmio isn't vastly inferior to a home made tomato sauce and isn't the same league as a pot noodle.

Frustratingly a lot of the less processed, healthy, quick fixes such as omlettes or beans on toast are not foods that he'll tolerate eating.

I wish he would devour my home-made veg packed curries etc, but that just isn't our reality.

I’m sorry but a fish finger wrap? All kinds of wrong surely the only way to eat fish fingers is with chips and beans or in a sandwich!

i love a kfc and mcdonald’s 🫢