AIBU to tire of moral superiority around meals?

[Spinmerightroundbaby]

I think if women/mothers have the time to spend cooking nutritious meals and enjoy doing it, that’s a beautiful thing. I have noticed though, there’s a tendency just lately for judgement towards parents who sometimes opt for frozen foods, takeaways or less healthy options.

AIBU to think that as long as there is a balance and your family isn’t on KFC every day, people should keep snooty attitudes to themselves as the odd frozen meal or microwave dinner isn’t a big deal? Especially if it means you have more quality time with your children rather than fussing about in the kitchen? Especially for working mothers too who are generally time poor and low energy.

It just feels like it’s the whole BF versus formula feeding disagreement but it’s become a bit more prevalent (in my locality at least) and I find it a bit tiresome. To me it feels like mostly now, this isn’t even about women wanting to do right by their children, it is about perception. They want to be perceived as ‘good’ mothers when children care more about quality time with their parents.

You’re exactly right. It’s nobody’s business. Capitalism has prevented us being able to do as much as we’d like in terms of cooking. If I hope my life is never SAD enough to judge what another woman is feeding her kids and worse voice my thoughts or have a snooty attitude about it.

this has opened my eyes, I need to get better at planning I can cook so I should more often. Thank you for sharing these ideas.

💯

If there isn't much time, something like a tray bake is good. Roasted veges and some protein with it (I like salmon or chicken or something). A slow cooker saves a lot of time and means there is something good at the end of the day. Good, home made food doesn't have to take a lot of time.

I believe that good nutrition is a foundation of good health. No, my diet isn't perfect, I don't think there's any harm in the odd frozen dinner. Sometimes you do what you have to do when you just don't have the energy or time. I do make the effort though.

What tells me it's worthwhile is how much better I feel when I eat well. The fresher the food the better. I have been eating a lot from my vege garden over summer (only grow easy to grow stuff, low effort) and feel even better again.

This is one area I do put effort into. Meal prepping and planning ahead makes a big difference and it's not really time consuming.

Not judging. Just sharing my experience.

Capitalism stops people from cooking?
how so?

I was brought up on home cooked meals and I'm proud to say that my DS never ever ate a jar of baby food or other stuff promoted for babies. It was all home cooked food.
However, now he's a teen, he loves a takeaway. I restrict it to once a week treat.
I'm teaching DS to cook from scratch.
But boy do we enjoy a takeaway!

But boy do we enjoy a takeaway!

I’m aware that many (most?) people like take-aways, but I find this really puzzling. What do you actually get and what is so enjoyable about?

Pizza? The ones I’ve had were drenched in tomato sauce and cheese and really not very nice. I prefer the fresh ones from Lidl, accompanied by a ‘massive’ salad.

Chinese? Yes, we have that occasionally….. because I find cooking several Chinese dishes too much of a faff - and I’m not very good at it.

Indian? Love Indian food and I’m quite good at making it, but otherwise we’d go to one of 3 local restaurants rather than getting take-out. Much more enjoyable.

What else is there that’s actually really tasty? Most of the time I simply prefer my own food. I cook a lot of Middle Eastern food and take inspiration from TV chefs and YouTubers and buy a cookbook every now and again. I make pan-fried or baked chicken or fish, meatballs, steaks, plus lots of roast vegetables and salads.

What about Thai? When I get takeaway it's usually Thai. They have some amazing curries and I get them from a takeaway that is also a restaurant. It's just as fresh as I would make myself.

Perfectly normal IMO! My DS13 is ADHD/ASD and can be quite limited in his diet so we often batch make meatballs with PASSATA, spinach (frozen chopped cubes) and bit of red wine, 4 hours in the slow cooker and that does a few meals for him with pasta. Slow cooker is a godsend! I have inflammatory issues with joints and TS dons sp often just but pre chopped veg that’s frozen, quicker and easier for me to do meals …. If I remember to take out meat lol!
we often have beans on toast, chip shop once a month or so, nuggets/fish etc and oven chips for DS. I don’t care about super mum types!

I'm afraid I do judge if people who do this a lot also have overweight children.

Egg and homemade chips, 20 minutes.

That's all I'm going to say on the matter.

Laughing at how inaccessible for me people's ideas of super quick meals are! Just some chicken with roast potatoes and steamed broccoli.
I have none of that food in the house (except frozen broccoli), have 5 minutes to prep/ cook and they wouldn't eat the same thing anyway so it would go in the bin.

Nursery and childminders count a sandwich with fruit ir veg as healthy. Nitrites and preservatives. So I'm going to keep doing my best and leave y'all to do your best

Oh yes, love Thai, but there isn’t one near us. I occasionally dabble in Thai cuisine - simple green curry or spring rolls. I keep meaning to learn to make proper Thai curries and other dishes…

Hundred percent agree OP , as a disabled working single parent I do the best I can and sometimes that isn’t the best food or cooking. Two autistic kids too, one who has arfid so I would never get it right even if I home cooked from scratch every meal
ableist and superior attitudes are shocking in these so called enlightened times , especially more so when the snobbery comes from women

There’s some terrible old crap talked about food on here, and among certain sections of the population generally.

It seems impossible to stamp out the utter garbage of zealous ‘healthy’, ‘nutritious’ and ‘wholesome’ eating. The simple truth is that a person would have to be a very extreme consumer of just a few types of food to do any long-term harm. Frozen peas, sliced white bread, ready meals, KFC etc etc will not do any harm.

What’s so obvious is that the ‘from scratch’, preachy food obsessives dislike the enjoyment of food as much as the horribly unadventurous who live on fry-ups and cornflakes.

Just eat a varied diet and enjoy food. Don’t shun things because someone’s written a scaremongering article or book about food.

Well, there are two separate issues here, I think.

One is what is the best way to eat. Of course we all probably know that fresh is best, low fat whole foods with lots of fresh vegetables and fruits. From there, people do what they can afford or have time for or desire or enjoy. All of which vary from home to home.

But the other issue is snobbery, one-upmanship, bragging about it all. I'm sure we all know that when we see it, especially when it's directed at us.

OP, I don't think that ever ends for some people. There are endless topics they can feel superior to others about. They elevate themselves by putting someone else down.

I really dislike people who want to compete instead of befriend. So, for me, when they do that kind of crap it lets me know they need to be downgraded as a friend or not befriended in the first place. It's not nice.

Of course, it's different when it's a close friend or family member who gets after you now and then for your own good.

YANBU - as you say there should be a balance, and the odd deviation from healthy food doesn’t hurt.

However, this seems to be an online-only debate. I remember once (many years ago) posting about occasionally resorting to freezer food, as a single parent working full-time, and having hundreds of strangers shoot me down and basically say “who does that?! No-one keeps FOOD in their FREEZER!!!”

In real life, I have never known anyone give a crap about what anyone else eats, much less be all judgy about it.

Lol this. My 7 year old will look at his dinner and say nope without even trying it. If I do homemade food it's 50/50 he will eat it, soups stew etc. Made him jacket potato and tuna last week, usually loves it but nope. Had to get the tuna out and put it on a wrap 😂

I don’t have DC but I do a mix. Mostly home cooked stuff, some lazy food like hash browns with a fried egg and beans and (health issues) on a bad day I resort to a protein shake or just skip tea altogether

do wish I could eat chicken again as it was such a quick meal and so many nice recipes with it
I’m not fussed over what my seasonings or tinned tomatoes might have in, my budget is Aldi and that’s it

The OP thinks that patents who prioritise good nutrition are doing it to 'look good' to others. I really doubt this.

I generally cooked from scratch for my DS when he was young, and no one knew that my pasta sauce was made with sauted veggies and a tin of tomatoes rather than a jar of Dolmio. Nobody other than DS and I knew what was in it.

I do know that it's quite possible to cook decent food for your kids and also play with them.

What’s so obvious is that the ‘from scratch’, preachy food obsessives dislike the enjoyment of food as much as the horribly unadventurous who live on fry-ups and cornflakes.

You couldn’t be more wrong. I cook from scratch precisely because I love food. In fact, you couldn’t pay me enough to eat processed cr@p unless there is nothing else available.

Yeah I think there's a happy medium really

We rarely eat out (due to cost and access to decent takeaways) but do have freezer food/Nutella

I think as long as there's plenty of fruit and veg in there you're usually ok

Everything’s relative. My youngest has severe OCD and I would jump for joy if he ate ready meals. All he eats are pretzels, chocolate, buttered baguette and the odd bowl of homemade spaghetti bolognese. He occasionally asks for a takeaway, like chicken strips or a burger. But that’s pretty rare. The rest of us eat a mixture of homemade food and convenience food. DP doesn’t eat meat. DS1 has autism and has problems with the texture of certain things, like potatoes and rice and anything sloppy/saucy like stews or casseroles. Honestly, I just try to get through the day as best I can. If I cook something all of us can eat without major individually tailored adjustments, I need a fecking lie down afterwards to recover from the shock. The only person in the house who eats pretty much anything is me.

So many people are overweight/obese leading to health problems and the UK is a country where too many people eat processed foods, so we need to deal with those two things. Very occasionally eaten, ready meals or a takeaway aren’t going to affect health long-term but it’s things like giving kids sweets straight out of school (like at the gates), pot noodles instead of a decent lunch, chocolate instead of a piece of fruit. I’d never say anything to anyone, it’s not my business, but I find that people seem to want others to validate their poor choices and get annoyed when they don’t. Just like, if I have let my children game for too long because I want a quiet life and my friend has taken hers out for a long walk, I might feel irritated with her but that’s because of my guilt and it’s my problem. But I also think there are people who genuinely don’t know how to cook from scratch and what’s nutritional etc and then I don’t judge even in my head ❤️ Community cooking classes, kids learning recipes at school and other measures would help imo.

Don’t care what other people do but can’t understand people spending a bomb on crap to jeapordise their health. No fussy eaters here thank goodness (or my old fashioned mindset not to have any messing and us to enjoy pleasant mealtimes from the word go and fortunately no allergies). I cook from scratch (ie chop stuff and bung it together nothing complicated!) so maybe Italian/ Indian three or four times a week stuff that will do twice so roast chicken, salmon, something mince based, pasta rice and spuds eggs, loads of veg, salad and fruit for dessert maybe homemade cake at the weekends. Take away every couple of months as it costs a bomb. I am a M&S meat yellow sticker fiend and save the money towards holidays.