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Original poster

To think that approaching people whilst wearing this is unacceptable?

117 replies

Powersout · 27/07/2025 22:37

Went for a walk with DD7 around the local housing estate this afternoon. We stopped to stroke a cat when a teenage girl who was standing outside her house vaping crossed the road to tell us the cats name, names of other cats in the area etc. She was basically being very friendly and informative (it wasn't her cat btw). Unfortunately she was also wearing a t shirt with a picture of a pink cat and the slogan 'F* off' underneath it. My 7 year old is well aware of this word as a swear word but I do try to limit her exposure to it and feel that if you're wearing a t shirt like this you should not be initiating a conversation with a 7 year old. I didn't raise it with the girl - mainly because her conversation was so friendly but it was a weird juxtaposition which made me and my DD uncomfortable (she asked me several times why she was wearing it after we'd walked away). Just feel a t shirt like this shouldn't be allowed to be worn in public.

OP posts:
LookingAtMyBhunas · 27/07/2025 22:40

Well, technically, it's not 'allowed', and if someone was so inclined it could constitute a S5 public order offence.

But I think really it sounds like she was trying to make conversation and has terrible taste in clothes.

JMSA · 27/07/2025 22:42

Bless her. The walking contradiction that is teenagers 😁

DoneitagainhaventI · 27/07/2025 22:45

Unfortunately you cant stop people wearing crude and vulgar stuff.

Actually the vaping would have put me off more than the t shirt because the sickly horrible smell just clings to people
.
Youcant't stop your dd being exposed to bad language, inappropriate clothing, or seeing people vaping. You just need to make it into an opportunity to discuss these things with her so that she is equipped to make her own judgements and decisions when she is older.

powershowerforanhour · 27/07/2025 22:57

Meh. I try to limit my children's exposure to swearing and wish people wouldn't do it, but the conversation with DD afterwards would have been something like:
"She was nice wasn't she? Yes you're right, that was a Very Rude Word on her Tshirt , you know you're not allowed to say that word. No, I don't know why she was wearing it, maybe she just liked the T shirt because she likes pink and cats. She knew a lot about the cats, and it was nice of her to talk to us. Maybe she knew that you are kind to cats and so is she."

JMSA · 27/07/2025 23:01

powershowerforanhour · 27/07/2025 22:57

Meh. I try to limit my children's exposure to swearing and wish people wouldn't do it, but the conversation with DD afterwards would have been something like:
"She was nice wasn't she? Yes you're right, that was a Very Rude Word on her Tshirt , you know you're not allowed to say that word. No, I don't know why she was wearing it, maybe she just liked the T shirt because she likes pink and cats. She knew a lot about the cats, and it was nice of her to talk to us. Maybe she knew that you are kind to cats and so is she."

Same. I wouldn’t want to give my kids the message that wearing that top somehow makes her a bad person.

user1471453601 · 27/07/2025 23:01

And I'm 74 and have a badge I wear on my jacket that says "fuck the patriachy".

So what?

CaramelGhost · 27/07/2025 23:04

Teenager vaping and wearing rebellious clothing isn't ground breaking. At least not where I live 🙈 They're still kids who are figuring things out.

Nicely, I don't know what to tell you. For example I've been taking my child to football matches since they were 4, they hear all sorts of language and we just used it as an opportunity to discuss it openly and lay out that everyone is different and people make their own choices but as a parent I expect x/y/z from them. No big deal

CaramelGhost · 27/07/2025 23:04

powershowerforanhour · 27/07/2025 22:57

Meh. I try to limit my children's exposure to swearing and wish people wouldn't do it, but the conversation with DD afterwards would have been something like:
"She was nice wasn't she? Yes you're right, that was a Very Rude Word on her Tshirt , you know you're not allowed to say that word. No, I don't know why she was wearing it, maybe she just liked the T shirt because she likes pink and cats. She knew a lot about the cats, and it was nice of her to talk to us. Maybe she knew that you are kind to cats and so is she."

This all over!

WhereIsMyJumper · 27/07/2025 23:05

I think you’re pearl clutching here

Agix · 27/07/2025 23:09

There's no reason children should have their exposure to swear words limited. They're just words. They are words that exist. Teach them that they're rude words to say, that's all you need to do. These kids are going to grow into teens eventually and will learb all the word.

The only time it's wrong for there to be swearing around children is if it's directed at them, or used in anger around them making them feel afraid. But that's more about the violence and aggression behind it, and not the word itself.

WhereIsMyJumper · 27/07/2025 23:13

Agix · 27/07/2025 23:09

There's no reason children should have their exposure to swear words limited. They're just words. They are words that exist. Teach them that they're rude words to say, that's all you need to do. These kids are going to grow into teens eventually and will learb all the word.

The only time it's wrong for there to be swearing around children is if it's directed at them, or used in anger around them making them feel afraid. But that's more about the violence and aggression behind it, and not the word itself.

Completely agree. DS(7) knows swear words. He’s allowed to use them at home (if he’s hurt himself for example), but he rarely does. He knows never to say them at school and scowls at me if I let one slip out.

Original poster
Powersout · 27/07/2025 23:31

Agix · 27/07/2025 23:09

There's no reason children should have their exposure to swear words limited. They're just words. They are words that exist. Teach them that they're rude words to say, that's all you need to do. These kids are going to grow into teens eventually and will learb all the word.

The only time it's wrong for there to be swearing around children is if it's directed at them, or used in anger around them making them feel afraid. But that's more about the violence and aggression behind it, and not the word itself.

But the f word generally is used in anger isn't it? The message on the t shirt was really hostile.

OP posts:
IZK · 27/07/2025 23:54

Why did she ask you several times why the girl was wearing it?

A simple "Goodness knows" should've been enough.

Or "Some people appear to like that sort of thing".

As for the girl, she probably forgot she was even wearing it when she approached you both.

Original poster
Powersout · 27/07/2025 23:58

IZK · 27/07/2025 23:54

Why did she ask you several times why the girl was wearing it?

A simple "Goodness knows" should've been enough.

Or "Some people appear to like that sort of thing".

As for the girl, she probably forgot she was even wearing it when she approached you both.

If it's something she's curious about or anxious about then she always asks me the same thing over and over again. She's a 'dweller' (or mental torturer...)

OP posts:
IZK · 28/07/2025 00:00

Powersout · 27/07/2025 23:58

If it's something she's curious about or anxious about then she always asks me the same thing over and over again. She's a 'dweller' (or mental torturer...)

Show quote history

I'd probably just stick with 'I don't know' then.

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 28/07/2025 00:11

Powersout · 27/07/2025 23:31

But the f word generally is used in anger isn't it? The message on the t shirt was really hostile.

Show quote history

Anger. Lust. Just as an expression

Franjipanl8r · 28/07/2025 00:22

My friend as a teen wore a jumper that said “Jesus is coming, look busy” with a picture of Jesus on the cross. Teens wear daft provocative slogans, nothing more to it than that.

MuckFusk · 28/07/2025 00:33

Powersout · 27/07/2025 23:31

But the f word generally is used in anger isn't it? The message on the t shirt was really hostile.

Show quote history

It sounds to me like it's meant to be ironic humor. It's a pic of a cute cat juxtaposed with what people regard as a rude phrase. I can see a teenager funding that funny. It's not like she was doing it to be mean to you or your son.
It actually isn't usually a hostile word anymore, it's only the off part that makes it so. For example, people routinely say things like;
"It's hot as fuck out today."
"Oh fuck. I forgot my keys."
"Hey, haven't seen you in ages. How the fuck are ya?"
"I can't fucking believe it!"
Those sort of things are said in a good natured way, not hostile at all.

JMSA · 28/07/2025 00:36

MuckFusk · 28/07/2025 00:33

It sounds to me like it's meant to be ironic humor. It's a pic of a cute cat juxtaposed with what people regard as a rude phrase. I can see a teenager funding that funny. It's not like she was doing it to be mean to you or your son.
It actually isn't usually a hostile word anymore, it's only the off part that makes it so. For example, people routinely say things like;
"It's hot as fuck out today."
"Oh fuck. I forgot my keys."
"Hey, haven't seen you in ages. How the fuck are ya?"
"I can't fucking believe it!"
Those sort of things are said in a good natured way, not hostile at all.

Show quote history

Jesus, the OP will get the vapors reading all that 😅

PoxyAndIKnowIt · 28/07/2025 00:59

It's just a word. And it wasn't directed at you or your child.
The whole concept of 'swear words' is utterly ridiculous.

MuckFusk · 28/07/2025 01:08

JMSA · 28/07/2025 00:36

Jesus, the OP will get the vapors reading all that 😅

Show quote history

😄
👃🧂

JuicySmoochy · 28/07/2025 01:28

I swear but I think it’s a nasty habit to do in front of kids or people you don’t know. I find it pathetic really. Adults that eff and jeff in public are a bit scummy.
I’ll happily watch tv with some swearing in but shows where they seem to be trying to fit in as many fucks in as possible are really annoying.
i watch a lot of live comedy and am happy to watch quite risky stuff but I find some comedians that seem to be swearing just to appear edgy are a bit sad. Dara OBrien and Micheal MacKintyre are two that spring to mind. It doesn’t suit them.

DiscoBob · 28/07/2025 02:00

I'm hoping it was more like home clothes/ pyjamas. As it's true it wouldn't go down well at work, college etc. if someone complained the police community support would probably ask her to change and not wear it out.

People do wear clothes with swearwords on sometimes. It's not the end of the world really. Though I get it's not suitable if you're around kids.

It would be worse if she was wearing something saying she supports terrorism or a picture of something violent.

Mewling · 28/07/2025 02:17

If that’s what you consider to be really hostile then I’d gently suggest that your margins need a slight readjustment.

MissedItByThisMuch · 28/07/2025 02:21

I think it’s important to teach kids critical thinking skills, including an awareness of nuance and context, and 7 is old enough to start in a simple way. This t shirt is a good example. It seems highly unlikely - although I suppose theoretically possible - that “fuck off” is intended to be interpreted at face value (ie aggressively). Far more likely that the juxtaposition of ostensibly aggressive words with a cutesy pink cat image is meant either humorously, or “politically” ie to subvert expectations and challenge assumptions.

Clearly there are times it’s inappropriate to say fuck or wear clothing with it on which kids need to be made aware of, but just telling your kids it’s a “bad” word (and implying people who use it are bad) is doing them a disservice imo.