To think that approaching people whilst wearing this is unacceptable?

[Powersout]

Went for a walk with DD7 around the local housing estate this afternoon. We stopped to stroke a cat when a teenage girl who was standing outside her house vaping crossed the road to tell us the cats name, names of other cats in the area etc. She was basically being very friendly and informative (it wasn't her cat btw). Unfortunately she was also wearing a t shirt with a picture of a pink cat and the slogan 'F* off' underneath it. My 7 year old is well aware of this word as a swear word but I do try to limit her exposure to it and feel that if you're wearing a t shirt like this you should not be initiating a conversation with a 7 year old. I didn't raise it with the girl - mainly because her conversation was so friendly but it was a weird juxtaposition which made me and my DD uncomfortable (she asked me several times why she was wearing it after we'd walked away). Just feel a t shirt like this shouldn't be allowed to be worn in public.

I agree with you OP - I don’t like it when people swear in public spaces, especially spaces where children are in.
It’s unnecessary.

It’s really odd to me that so many on here find it so difficult or unwarranted to draw a line in the sand.

No one is claiming anyone will fall over and die if they see or hear the word ‘fuck’ but it’s the gradual erosion of civil standards that leaves communities slightly worse off.

If ‘Fuck off’ is ok - what about a tshirt that says ‘fuck off cunt - I mean that ironically’ super imposed over a picture of a cuddly cat - to make clear it’s ironic.

You maintain standards to stop the slow descent into ‘the state of nature’. They might seem silly or pointless but they are a fence and to paraphrase Chesterton you don’t remove the fence till you know what it is holding back.

But outside of clearly defined (and variably enforced) laws, you can’t control other people, and it’s an exercise in futility and frustration to try. All you can do is live your own life according to your standards, and attempt to understand why other people live and express themselves the way they do. And I think it’s a useful thing to give your children the analytical and critical thinking tools to do the same.

Genuinely thought the conclusion of this story was going to be how delightful it was to see a teenager go out of her way and make an effort to chat and engage with a 7 year old!

What a lovely thing for her to do. Her parents should be proud <3

(and buy her more T-shirts if she wants them!)

Oh and my family weren’t ‘sweaty’ but when FCUK was the trend from French connection, I loved having that T-shirt as a teenager!

and no, it wasn’t hostile, it wasn’t aggressive, I didn’t sneak to the park to drink alcohol, I didn’t bunk school… but I guess my parents thought if that’s how I could express my adolescent ‘rebellion’ it was a pretty safe way to do so.

I would advise reading the teenage brain by Dr Blakemore in a couple of years OP, otherwise I fear a rough road ahead…

It's good though, to be with your child when they first encounter questionable things. It's a "teachable moment" in a way, because you get a chance to help your child interpret and make sense of that dark little corner of the world. Of course, this is far from the last time she'll run into that sort of thing.

If she brings it up:

"Well sometimes people think naughty things are funny. But I don't think that was funny. Do you? She was fun to talk to though, wasn't she?"

Kids laugh at poop jokes and all kinds of stuff like that, so she'll probably understand that. After all, would you really want your kid to be a lot more naive and clueless than her peers?

Okay, then just move on.

😂

Age 54, adds to basket 🛒

My dd knew all the swear words by 6 and learnt them from me. But crucially she knows when to use them (i.e. not at school, in polite society, with granny) and when it's appropriate (when we are complaining about our colleagues at home - she likes to join in with talking about what a fucking mansplainer one of mine is, and it's also fine to swear with grandad)

T shirt wouldn't bother me at all. In fact I have one with pingu on it which says "noot noot mother fucker" on it. The vape would bother me.

Where do you live that the police have time to ask teenagers to change their clothes?

I'm 57 and wear socks with the word fuck all over them, "fucking dare you" and "don't fuck it up". However they are not on show but I wear them to work to empower me 😀

It wouldn’t bother me. Children can hear and read swear words without using those words themselves.

How did you respond to her?

Just let it go and stop worrying over it. The teenage girl isn't your daughter or someone you have to deal with daily. The t shirt put you in an awkward position with your child but you can't control the actions of strangers so it's something you just have to navigate.

They are just words, though perhaps as English is my second language they lack the emotional impact.

Though I think if 'fuck' is ok to wear publicly then 'cunt' is too. They are both 'just' words.

However I find this a contradiction as some 'just words' are very frowned upon, like those insults related to a person's race. Such as the N or P word.

Either they are all 'just' words. Or we accept as a society that some words are not acceptable to be used publicly, because they cause great upset to others around us.

I dont know the term dweller but it sounds like it might be something thats more concerning than t shirt slogans. Is it something that has strategies to overcome?

In Ireland and Scotland all swear words are used as punctuation not in anger usually

You’ve made the all too common assumption that people who aren’t you care even a tenth as much about your child’s feelings as you do.

Tell your daughter that some teenagers (and adults) like to shock people as a form of attention seeking.

Look on it as a useful lesson in life to teach her.

Whatever we might prefer, the world doesn't revolve around our children. We just need to mitigate and help.the world make sense to them.

I'd have giggled along with my child and pretended we had seen something so cheeky together. Then come up with reasons like PP suggested- maybe she just liked pink and cats, not everyone can read, maybe she even knows or made the top herself!

The important point is that your child is noticing something edgy and will guage your reaction and I want to lay the groundwork that they can talk to me because we don't love in a sanitised world and this is a good opportunity to lay the foundations for your reaction if e.g. as teens they see someone doing something they aren't sure about. They won't talk to us if we tut and say they should know better.

I don't like it either, OP. I also don't like the prevailing attitude that using swear words in all contexts is perfectly fine, and those who don't are having the 'vapours' and must be mocked. I swear all the time, but not in front of children or in places where I might cause offence. It's not because I am a pearl-clutching swooner, it's because I am aware of the potential offence caused to others, and, clearly being desperately old fashioned, I think it's important to consider how other people feel.

I didn't raise it with the girl - mainly because her conversation was so friendly but it was a weird juxtaposition which made me and my DD uncomfortable

Why and how do you think it would have been reasonable to raise it? You don't get to dictate what other people wear - you being uncomfortable is irrelevant.

What a minor thing to care about. It's a word.

Just say to the person

its really confusing as you’re very friendly but your t shirt is telling a different story and will now start many questions from my daughter who can read - so we best part ways

I don't think people should be wearing clothes with swear words on outside the house...but she's a teenager, she probably thought it was hilarious and edgy. My own DD wanted to buy similar because she thought it was funny but I vetoed it!

I remember being with my boyfriend in the 80s and he was wearing a The Damned say Fuck off t shirt. We were having a picnic at a Fete. A policeman came over and told him to remove it, so he had to wear it inside out for the rest of the day.