To think that approaching people whilst wearing this is unacceptable?

[Powersout]

Went for a walk with DD7 around the local housing estate this afternoon. We stopped to stroke a cat when a teenage girl who was standing outside her house vaping crossed the road to tell us the cats name, names of other cats in the area etc. She was basically being very friendly and informative (it wasn't her cat btw). Unfortunately she was also wearing a t shirt with a picture of a pink cat and the slogan 'F* off' underneath it. My 7 year old is well aware of this word as a swear word but I do try to limit her exposure to it and feel that if you're wearing a t shirt like this you should not be initiating a conversation with a 7 year old. I didn't raise it with the girl - mainly because her conversation was so friendly but it was a weird juxtaposition which made me and my DD uncomfortable (she asked me several times why she was wearing it after we'd walked away). Just feel a t shirt like this shouldn't be allowed to be worn in public.

But it's OK to say you don't know. Tell your dd you don't llike it and you wouldn't wear it but there is no answer to why the girl was wearing it.

I’d rather a teen with a sweary t-shirt and lovely personality than the other way round. We limited our kids to swear words but they heard them from others at primary school. As long as your child knows these are not words to use at home then it’s going to happen no matter what measures you put in place.

😆😆😆

I wouldn’t get the vapours, but if my DS17 spoke like that in front of his grandparents or strangers he would find his phone contract terminated pretty quickly.

What the hell is going on with parenting?Let teens think it’s normal to swear in front of strangers - and then wonder why they don’t get employed? We clamped down hard on it with DS17 a couple of years ago because he simply couldn’t train himself not to do it when he shouldn’t. My aunt told me she had to do the same with my cousin years ago because it was slipping into far too many sentences and it was only a matter of time before he swore when it was very inappropriate.

It’s a word I hear used all the time - often to add humour or emphasis. I rarely hear it used is anger

I’m generally pretty unbothered by swearing but I do try and keep the worst words away from my almost 4 year old as much as possible. The other day I was out with him and saw a grown adult wearing a t-shirt with a big cartoon dinosaur that said ‘Don’t be a c*tasaurus.’ (No s on the t-shirt.) I felt that was a bit much.

Luckily he didn’t notice but could easily have asked about it because he loves dinosaurs. He’s young enough I’d have just lied about what the T-shirt said but he’s not far off being about to at least recognise the lie as he gets better at his phonics sounds.

It’s not that I don’t find it funny, but just that it might be better suited to having on a mug in your own home!

Do you get many men sniggering at you?

She probably forgot she was wearing it. But also you seem to be expecting adult levels in sense in a teenager.

Plus it’s up to you to shut your DD up if she keeps going on, instead of labelling her (“dweller”, FFS).

How about a teen with a lovely personality and no sweary t shirt? Which is what most of the teens I know are.

It so isn't. In so many places it is simply another everyday word now, like it or not. There are much more important things in life than policing other people.

She's probably picking up on your discomfort and confusion (why she keeps asking about it). Adults usually (and for good reason) find it difficult to explain to children why swear words are 'bad'.

I actually think this young person provided a wonderful modeling opportunity for your child e.g. don't judge a book by its cover (judging covers is another conversation!), and people who use swear words can also be really lovely people. :-)

I found this article about swear words really interesting - my kids and I had a great time discussing it :-)
https://www.keele.ac.uk/about/news/2022/october/keele-comment/swearing-mind-body.php

YANBU @Powersout and you know you know you’re not being U.

All the cool mums are out today pretending they wouldn’t give a damn.

I don’t know why people post on AIBU anymore because you know most people will play mental gymnastics to disagree agree with you. Either that or society’s standards are slipping and if these are people’s real opinions and then you wouldn’t associate with them in real life as their values don’t represent yours.

Just because the majority keyboard warriors post YABU. You’re not.

I would be way more uncomfortable about the vaping than the tshirt, I hate being approached or surrounded by people smoking because it could encourage my children it’s a cool thing to do as well as be detrimental to our health. What if my child was severely asthmatic? Clearly the young woman wasn’t thinking about that and meant to be kind but I’m pretty amazed that’s not your main take away from this OP. The girl was nice to your daughter, she wasn’t aggressive or use any naughty words, it’s also a good learning opportunity and a chance to speak to your child about the dangers of vaping and the difficulty in being a teenager in a world where you are just trying to fit in. The word, meh, it’s not the hill to die on. You could just say people have different rules for using such language (another good learning opportunity for her as she will 100% encounter it, and worse, again).

A lot of teens express themselves at that age in what they wear. Punks did so definitely not a new thing. As one other posted suggested a conversation with the child about what someone wears/looks like isn’t always their personality is the best approach. No one can dictate what someone else wears no matter how appropriate or offended they are by it.

People are really angry at the moment. There’s an awful lot to be angry about. But the teenager possibly forgot she was wearing it. How lovely was she though, talking to your daughter about all the cats? She sounds really kind. In fact, I’d be inclined to see if she does babysitting!

It’s the kind of dumbing down of society I was discussing recently. The reason it worked so well in the punk era was it was a group of rebellious outliers pushing back against rigid authoritarianism. Now everyone doesn’t give a fuck, thinks nothing of wearing profanities on their shirts and treats their environment similarly. It’s tedious.

You could use the opportunity to teach her about lalochezia.

Maybe, maybe it wasn't an instruction but a statement that indicates that she had a total dislike of 'offal' but the letters 'a' and 'l' came off when she was ironing the T-shirt?

Could be...

People can have different opinions. I’m not trying to be cool or pretending I don’t care about it.
It genuinely wouldn’t bother me.
If the OPs child found it that uncomfortable and kept going on about it that’s down to her being told swearing is bad and that’s made her anxious.
My youngest 2 (8 and 5) wouldn’t even bring it up if they saw it.

Of course it's not acceptable but that's the point isn't it? Teenagers spend all their time (and have done for decades) trying to be provocative.....wearing skimpy clothes, listening to inappropriate lyrics, trying out all the swear words. It makes them feel grown up until they are actually grown up and then they realise they don't need to bother any more. Teen has succeeded in shocking you. I doubt her Mum even knows about that t shirt.

Just tell your dd that she's a teenager and sometimes teenagers like to act grown up but they get it all wrong.

Given the bad press that teenagers get, you should be focusing on the positives from this - engaging with you and your child, confident, interested in other people, polite etc etc. Probably what most parents would want from their teens.

I would be impressed that DD aged 7 read it and worked out what it meant. I'd just have a little light-hearted discussion with DD about what language is acceptable afterwards but think nothing else of it.

I remember when they were little becoming suddenly aware that I wasn't playing the radio friendly version of songs from my music app- oops.

Flew home from Majorca last week. Young woman (late teens/early 20s) was wearing a tshirt with ‘I ❤️dick’ on it, in huge letters lol.

She was flying with her sister and parents, not a friends trip to Magaluf.

I’m sure she thought she was being edgy, but she looked ridiculous on a flight full of families and pensioners. I’m sure she’ll cringe in a few years time when she looks back, but teens will be teens 🤣

Get a grip.