Refusing responsibility for contraception anymore

[Growingyou]

Maybe this is immature of me but DH has happily accepted me taking responsibility for contraception for over a decade (the pill). We are finished having children and I have been strictly told I cannot use hormonal contraception (I have the broken skull from brain tumour removal to thank for using the pill). DH is refusing condoms or vasectomy and has asked me to figure out another option. Of course, there are non-hormonal options available, but after multiple pregnancies and a craniotomy, AIBU to pass the baton to him and say this is your problem now? ( yes, I know it’s a joint problem, I’m just tired)

It's pretty normal for men to expect penetration. But it doesn't do a huge amount for most women. If he didn't push for it I think it'd be pretty easy and satisfying not to do that specific act. But something tells me this prince will still expect it.

Hmm, you seem to struggle with the idea that other people's experiences might be different to yours. But by all means show us some actual evidence.

Types of sex that doesn’t involve penetration could be a suggestion

Nature. Else nobody would have babies if women didn't want penetration lol

Simples. No more sex.

He's a selfish mother fcuker and honestly, even if I'd previously loved him, this would have turned that switch off for me.

You nearly died and he STILL isn't willing to step up? He's not a man. He's a fcuk pig.

Perfection.

DH is refusing condoms or vasectomy and has asked me to figure out another option.

Remind him those are 2 of the 3 options. The 3rd is abstaining entirely.

It's his turn. It's that simple.

Think of a song by Tammy Wynette, one that definitely isn't Stand By Your Man. There's the option.

I've heard divorce is quite good at preventing pregnancies.

So being so malignantly selfish that even his wife getting a brain tumor didn't change his mind is not a serious character flaw in your estimation?

You don't have to enjoy piv to get pregnant. Lots of women have piv just to get pregnant or because it's so expected by men and in culture.

👏👏

Except I did not say that at all. It’s the willingness to play their part that makes them decent. You seem curiously hung up specifically on the vasectomy part which suggests it is personal.

@Coconutter24 why are you wilfully misunderstanding posts?

The husband should take care of contraception. As previously stated, contraception includes a number of options, such as condoms. Obviously.

The issue is that he is point blank refusing to engage with contraception (such as condoms, as noted above…) himself and placing the burden on OP, who has already done more than her fair share of dealing with contraception (did you not read that she had a BRAIN TUMOUR from the pill???). This means he is not behaving in a decent way.

You going on about vasectomies just looks like you are being a troll.

Definitely no sex until he has sorted out the contraception. You have done your bit. Vasectomy is the way forward, minor procedure.

This!
There are 3 choices (3rd being no sex) here he doesn't get to dictate because he doesn't fancy it. The coil comes with its own issues.

Frankly his attitude would have me having a serious conversation about why he considers his wants above your own health and well-being.

I have to agree with the posters who are questioning whether this is a particularly nice man. Benefit of the doubt is that he just isn't thinking about the consequences, effort and impact for you of any alternatives, but if he can't see, when you explain it clearly, then it's a sign that he really isn't a good person.

In our case, after years of contraception, then very invasive procedures as part of fertility treatment, then two difficult pregnancies, I was told I could not take the pill and I point blank refused to put anything else inside me. I also made it clear to DH that from now on, contracpetion was his problem.

He couldn't face a vasectomy so condoms it is. And FYI - he buys and stores those condoms. I have absolutely nothing to do with it. It is petty, yes, but my view is that I thought about the pill and made sure I always had it (and of course, took it), I tracked cycles, I took the fertility medicine, I went through pregnancy and childbirth so quite frankly, he can buy the F+++ing condoms. I refuse to give it even a moment's thought. It's just not on my radar whatsoever.

There is only one answer to this and that's no sex. Tell him that and see what his reaction is then! He's a selfish arse!

It does not suggest it’s personal at all and it’s not. I just wouldn’t say someone who doesn’t want a vasectomy isn’t a decent person. He’s being selfish of course by leaving it for Op to figure out

I’m not wilfully misunderstanding anything. The husband should be more open to sorting contraception yes of course he should because yes I did read the part about a brain tumour. He is acting selfish by dismissing ops suggestions and telling her to sort it out

But no one said he isn't a decent person because he won't have a vasectomy. We're saying he' snot a decent person because he is refusing to consider any sort of contraception except one that has direct and meaningful physical and emotional impacts on his wife, and the bit that makes this even more mind blowing (and therefore leads us to think he's a less than decent person) is that this is after not only all the usual stress and hassle of having had to deal with contraception, pregnancy, childbirth etc but ALSO the trauma of a brain operation. A "nice" man would completely understand that his wife needs a break from dealing with all this shit.

No sex for him then.

Then he’s not getting any - simple. Condom/vasectomy or abstaining, them’s the options 🤷‍♀️

OP hasnt been back and I suspect this is a fake thread. I sometimes wonder if threads like this are started by men for a laugh to see how worked up we all get

Telling you that you need to find a solution, is essentially saying, you'll have to be sterilised. Your body has carried, given birth to your children and you've had a brain tumour all on top. I'm not surprised you're tired. I had bacterial meningitis and septicemia, plus a pregnancy and gave birth (the meningitis etc wasn't at the same time as pregnancy) - my husband happily went and had a vasectomy (OK, he wasn't whooping for joy, but you understand my point!). Your body has been through quite enough, without adding sterilisation to the mix. Your husband needs to grow up, and accept responsibility of providing a solution - condoms (with the full knowledge that they aren't 100% safe), no sex or a vasectomy. There are no other choices, and for him to put the emphasis on you to 'find a solution' is plain bloody selfish. He's being very unreasonable and behaving like a twat. I'd tell him straight, there are no 'solution', as you're not putting your body through sterilisation, and if he won't use condoms or have a vasectomy, then there'll be no sex going forward.