Refusing responsibility for contraception anymore

[Growingyou]

Maybe this is immature of me but DH has happily accepted me taking responsibility for contraception for over a decade (the pill). We are finished having children and I have been strictly told I cannot use hormonal contraception (I have the broken skull from brain tumour removal to thank for using the pill). DH is refusing condoms or vasectomy and has asked me to figure out another option. Of course, there are non-hormonal options available, but after multiple pregnancies and a craniotomy, AIBU to pass the baton to him and say this is your problem now? ( yes, I know it’s a joint problem, I’m just tired)

I love sex and would abstain from OP’s husband and have sex with another man who is a grown up!

Why would he need a reversal? Surgery for nothing. Genuinely confused what this man thinks a vasectomy is

Completely agree with the option of having sex with a man who takes responsibility for contraception is actually a better choice . Current not-d h is an asshole.

You are absolutely right to say it’s his turn. I did the same after kids. I’m not putting any hormones or bits of plastic in my body. My other half is in agreement and we use condoms. We still would even if he had a vasectomy tbh. Anyway, it’s not your problem. The only compromise I’d use is a femidom. Stand your ground

Order the biggest, most realistic vibrator you can find and leave it on your side of the bed.

You've figured out your option.😎

If you are happy with abstinence then that’s fine. If you aren’t and want to continue to have relations with your “D”H then you need to think about sterilisation as clearly you can’t rely on him to be a grown up. Another alternative of course is to find a man who will take responsibility and bin the “D”H.

Condoms
The snip
No sex

He can take his pick.

I would struggle to feel any sexual desire for him in these circumstances.

That's what I was thinking. Ok he might not " get sex" but then again neither will she

Tbh I would always want to take responsibility for contraception, whether it be sterilization or a coil as then IM protected.no matter which ever man I had sex with. If my current DH had the snip id still not be protected if we split and I met someone else ( example)

It is a joint problem that you have solved, at personal risk, for 10 years. The next 10 years are his turn.

Shrug and wait (and buy a good vibrator).

The depo injection increases your risk of a certain type of brain tumour by over a 3rd if you take it for 1 year and the risk doesn't go down after you stop taking it

Tbh on the quiet I would stick a pack of condoms in the shopping because it would of course be you that suffers if you both get carried away. But I wouldn’t find it that difficult to just have non penetrative sex for quite a long time and that’s what I’d do until he pulled his finger out. As it were.

I presumed it was a reference to alternative methods of reaching orgasm together.

Exactly. This marriage would be over for me.

I would be pleased with myself if I’d avoided an assault charge because I would want to repeatedly kick him in the testicles until he had some idea of what you have gone through.

Men like this are pathetic. It’s vasectomy or condoms or no sex. Simple as that.

It's really depressing when they show how selfish they can be and how little they value the hell you've put your body through to birth their three children. Selfish twats.

I understand him not liking the idea of a v but compared with you having to go through pregnancy and childbirth, or the pain of a termination or the pain of a coil insertion, it's a no brainer. His pain free days and willy feeling wet are more important thay relieving the burden of pain from you. He's not a good husband. He's selfish.

Easy to get carried away though

What pain of getting a coil inserted. I used one for years. No pain at all

Depends how skilful the other party is at said alternative options!

Bully for you. Many many women report coil insertion as extremely painful.

If you say so. I've only been having sex for nearly 40 years.

i think he was thinking that because I have the coil (my friend told him - no idea why and he knew DH had the snip because a while ago DH was mocking him for saying he wouldn’t get one!) - that he thought DH can get a reversal to be ‘all man’ again. That was all I could think of (I speak to him as little as possible!)

He is vile to be fair - I would be being rude to a Neanderthal to describe him as one! She only married him because he had loads of money 🤦🏼‍♀️

I do, yeah. Quality not quantity, as they say!

Having a vasectomy doesn’t make someone a decent human being

Well he is doing that to you so do likewise.

I would say if it’s my responsibility I choose abstinence.

A decent husband would take his turn with birth control for the next 10 years.