To not want to look after my daughter any more

[Goaheadflameme]

My daughter is 8. She is recently diagnosed with autism. No problems at school but a nightmare at home.

Predictably, being out of the school routine has made her challenging behaviour more challenging. She regularly tells me she hates me, wishes I was dead, that things would be better without me. Everytime
I say something she mocks me. She won’t do anything she is told and consequences are meaningless as she just doesn’t care. Today she has also thrown food round the living room and when I tried to stop this she has violently attacked me multiple times. Previously she has broken my finger and scratched me to the extent that I was hospitalised due to a serious infection in my arm.

I just honestly can’t do it any more. This has been going on for more than two years now. It’s completely ruining me, my relationship with my husband and our family life (we have other children). The violence triggers me so badly due to childhood abuse and I don’t feel safe in my own home.

Do social services take children away in these circumstances?

https://capafirstresponse.org/ hi OP, I've been recommended this charity by the safeguarding lead at work. Worth a try? My autistic daughter was super difficult at this age and used to hit and kick us and spit in our food.

No there isn't a special home where the Ops child can be placed
People need to let go of this ridiculous idea .

@Summergirl92

what is a 'special home' ?

Making a decision to have a child means taking responsibility for that child until they are an adult. There is always a risk that any child will have a disability or additional need. There is no facility to simply hand your child over to the state to raise and nor should there be. Firstly, it's prohibitively expensive to raise a child and that's public money. Secondly the resources are rare and hard to find, and need to be kept for children whose parents abuse or neglect them. Thirdly, it's really bad for children to be raised outside of their birth family unless being at home is so abusive or neglectful that it's worse to be left at home.
The state must provide additional support to people with disabilities and additional needs. In some cases of children with the most severe disabilities that might include residential care because they simply need more than their parents can give. But in the case of an autistic child who can't regulate her emotions and behaviour that is simply not an option. And why do you think it should be? Why do you view the parent as more important than the child in this scenario?

Because if the parent is not okay it is very hard to make sure the kid is okay. Not strange at all. Added to this, severe autism can be very hard to cope with, both physically and emotionally, especially if there are violent meltdowns. It's hard on the whole family.
It all sounds great when people moralize about parents' responsibilities, but some problems can break a parent too.

Nobody chooses their children. No parent should be forced to keep a child who breaks their bones, makes them feel uncomfortable and unsafe in their own home and can murder or mutilate them or their other children at any time. Don't be like oh well that's your child so suck it up. NO! Children like that need very structured, very professional help, in the hopes that they can improve and become functional, if not they have no business interacting with society!! They are simply incompatible with family life, the community and society as a whole. The system is broken, these parents need and deserve relief! Stop punishing parents for situations that aren't their fault! How on earth can anyone know beforehand that their child is going to be like that?

None of us do
But most of us get on with it anyway because despite their disabilities they are our children and we love them
What isnt helpful is to ignorantly suggest services such as " special homes" that don't exist.

@x2boys

Of course we know that there are such things as specialist residential placements.

Its just very frustrsting that many people think that social services can just magic one up.
Places are few and far between and are hugely expensive.
I'd take a bet that a lot of people who say just send them to a special school/home would also be quite vociferous if they knew what these places cost and think there own nice well behaved children were losing out as a result of the resources spent on the naughty kids

Indeed
And I agree it's frustrating posters think you can just phone up and request a residential school and they are just ready and waiting
Currently this child doesn't even have an EHCP so a residential isn't even on the horizon.

But not everyone does.I personally didnt have instant love for kids until id hot to know them by caring for them.

Until you got paid extra money for having kids with disabilities it's wasn't unusual to leave them at a hospital straight after birth or often the hospital system suggested a " place" they could go.This " keep them at home" no matter how detrimental to everyone else is relatively common. I remember my mum telling me that it wasn't that unusual to not hurry to get medical care for severely disabled kids if they became ill.

Well thankfully the world is a better place now ,I really hope your not suggesting disabled children are better off dead ?becsuse that's inhumane and vile

I'm not suggesting anything. Im stating what used to happen

Why would you even say that then?
Ww don't have a asylums any more and that's a good thing.

What's wrong with stating how things used to be? Or are you too fragile to see things not being all hunky dory and of a different mindset to the current times? Who knows how things will be into another 50 years

Asylums?? Not sure how they come into it but I think might have swung too far shutting them all down, to the extrent that people who need hospital treatment for mental illness aren't getting it and are left to roam streets causing danger to themselves and others