13 year old watching newborn

[Newmum99653]

Am I being unreasonable?

I am not comfortable with our 13 year old DSD watching our newborn whilst we do jobs around the house. Personally my priority is the safety of the newborn and anything can happen quickly (choking, falling, suffocating) if not being watched properly. E.g. I came down and DSD was on phone whilst “watching” newborn whilst I was upstairs and DP was in the kitchen.

My DP on the other hand doesn’t see the problem in this at all.

My view is DSD can hold feed cuddle newborn as much as she wants but whilst we are supervising.
Am I being unreasonable?

You asked if YABU. Many have said yes you are but you keep fighting back. You very obviously don't trust your DSD with your PFB unsupervised so feel free to spend your life watching it (no sex mentioned hence use of it).

As @monkeysox said - get a grip.

Who’s looking after the baby while you’re on your phone? Sorry but your behaviour is not normal.

@Newmum99653 you're getting a hard time on here. Navigating personal boundaries with a newborn is going to be challenging (especially when you want to protect them from the world!) and you've come on here to guage if youre being OTT.

If your baby is sleeping peacefully I personally wouldn't be worrying about someone having to be with them constantly - a sleepbag might be more comforting for you than a blanket as they wouldn't be able to pull anything over their face. So in this case your DSD isn't doing anything terrible by being on their phone.

If you're worried about your DSD when the baby is awake then that's something else entirely, and i think it's only fair on you that you're able to build up trust. My parents let me do what I wanted with my baby sister from the age of 8, and they didnt bat an eyelid, although I was a very mature 8 year old! So shes not too young, but seeing how she interacts with your baby will help you work out whether she can be left alone for periods of time.

I took my first born to the toilet too and didn't like having my eyes of him so I do understand. No 2 and 3 were left alone downstairs whilst I was cleaning upstairs or whilst I was in the kitchen cooking tea. They were absolutely fine. As long as a non-mobile baby is left in a safe space they will be fine alone. As long as the 13yo is sensible and won't be doing things like leaving baby on a couch or passing them small items to play with it will be fine.

Also to all keyboard warriors telling this freshly postpartum mum to "get a grip", please please show some compassion to somebody who's reaching out for advice, and is going through massive life changes.

You take the Moses basket INTO the toilet with you whilst you wee?? @Newmum99653will love , please chill out. You really can do a wee whilst baby is safely in the basket in another room. All this obsessive behaviour is going to really wear you out. It’s all ok but you do need to calm down.

There's more of a risk to the baby to carry him up and down the stairs in a moses basket unnecessarily, multiple times a day.

It would be safer to leave him asleep in his moses basket downstairs for the few minutes you're in the loo, he will be fine and it will be good practice for you to realise he's fine.

OPs child is 14 days old?

It would be safer to leave him asleep in his moses basket downstairs for the few minutes you're in the loo, he will be fine and it will be good practice for you to realise he's fine.

Maybe Op is using a downstairs loo?

Some people use the term ‘watch’ the baby to mean look after them. I see that you mean it literally, that somebody should be staring at the baby the whole time. As others have said, that is not normal.

Well a 14 day old shouldn't have any lose blankets so that's shouldn't be an issue.

Are you saying you expect somebody to always be looking at baby? That's pretty unreasonable. 2 adults in the house and 13 year old in room with baby even if they are on their phones seems fine to me.

Still significantly more risk in carrying a baby IN a Moses basket, which you categorically aren’t supposed to do, rather than leaving them for all of a few minutes in a safe space while you use the bathroom.

@HelpMeUnpickThis I asked for advice, I didn’t ask for people to be flat out rude and tell me I’m OTT or to get a grip.

which of those comments is helpful or constructive?

@Newmum99653 Bu you are being OTT as many people have told you …..

My pfb (also the world’s only and most amazingly fascinating baby at that particular time ) weighed in at over ten pounds. No way I’d been able to cart him around in a Moses basket, even without a c section.

I’m think you’re taking a bit of a kicking here OP. That said the gist of the answers are right. I would have thought any adult, let alone a 13yo, would be fiddling on their phone rather than gaze at a newborn sleeping.

id like to confirm it’s not about the phone I think the point has been completely lost. I’m not expecting a teenager not to be on their phone m, my concern around the whole point is if should anything happen if much it any attention is being paid on the baby.

so should something, anything happen… wouldn’t it be noticed

but message heard loud and clear it’s ott

What did you expect?

There's not much advice to give beyond "chill".

Don't strap a newborn in anywhere firstly, flat on back in cot, Moses basket, pram carrycot, blanket on floor even but not in a bouncer etc strapped in.

Everyone knows it’s not about the phone, it’s still not normal or practical to sit and watch a baby all day.
There will be many times you need to answer the door, the phone, cook dinner, wash up, put out laundry. You will not be able to physically watch a baby at all times. That’s not what parenting is.

Did you just ask if the commentors on Mumsnet have children?

Your baby, your decision. Who cares if you're being overprotective. The baby is 14 days old. Do what you feel comfortable with. If it should start to be a problem FOR YOU, then you can talk to someone about it.

I still can't get over carting the baby and Moses basket into the bog when OP does a shit!

You do realise the baby isn't just hers.. right?

it's already causing problems though. She poor 13 year old girl is already having points 'raised' to her dad about her not watching the baby.

also anxiety can easily spiral if not nipped in the bud. What will she do when this baby is mobile? Never get a glass of water or take the bins out?

Just because someone's a mum it doesn't mean they are always right.

@RedSeven point raised to DP was I think all children in the family should be supervised with the baby. DSD, nieces, nephews included. A blanket approach.

The baby is not just mine no, but there are things DP has raised he is and is not comfortable with also. Regardless of if I believe he is being over the top, I respect his wishes. We are in this together, not working against eachother.

There's a difference between a 13yo and a 3yo being alone with the baby though. Hopefully after this thread you can see that?

You don't have to agree with everything he says either. You talk and come to a middle ground. Or you ask others, like you did here, and find out who is the reasonable one.