13 year old watching newborn

[Newmum99653]

Am I being unreasonable?

I am not comfortable with our 13 year old DSD watching our newborn whilst we do jobs around the house. Personally my priority is the safety of the newborn and anything can happen quickly (choking, falling, suffocating) if not being watched properly. E.g. I came down and DSD was on phone whilst “watching” newborn whilst I was upstairs and DP was in the kitchen.

My DP on the other hand doesn’t see the problem in this at all.

My view is DSD can hold feed cuddle newborn as much as she wants but whilst we are supervising.
Am I being unreasonable?

Precious first born syndrome?

It’s an irony that people are swooping in with crazy catastrophising statements like this , calling the OP excessively anxious!!

I'd say its fine OP, you're still in the same house, not off down the pub (which is what i ended up doing as a 13 year old btw, i babysat two evenings a week for my newborn DSis while my mum went to the pub, but the this was the late 80s)

If the baby is awake he/she needs to be watched by a competent adult. Sounds like your DSD doesn’t fit the bill as she isn’t interested (fair enough, she’s 13).

A sleeping baby can be watched by anyone.

I agree your anxiety is OTT. It’s not necessary to watch a sleeping baby 24/7. You will make yourself ill from sleep deprivation if someone really is awake all night.

If you have another baby, you simply won’t have the luxury of doing this.

There’s nothing wrong with how you feel OP. I used to feel the same when my babies were so little. They are still so new and vulnerable. As you say, if they accidentally pull a blanket over their face, they would struggle to get it back down. Newborns have brilliant gag reflex so unlikely to choke on their vomit. My first advice would be to never entrust a child with another child. You wouldn’t forgive yourself if anything happened and it’s not fair on the child who’s been given that responsibility. You should be popping in and out of the room to check on baby every few minutes if the DSD is with her. What is your DSD’s behaviour like? Would you trust her or do you feel conscious she could be sneaky with the baby whilst no one else is around? That’s always something to be cautious about with other children around, especially if there is a jealousy issue. Sounds to me like perfectly normal musings to be uncertain. A family member once told me that she came down to check on her newborn in the pushchair and the family cat was sitting on the baby’s face (for warmth) - thankfully the situation was realised quickly otherwise I dread to think what could have happened.

Impossible not to unless you use a sling constantly. When my first was a newborn he would sleep in the Moses basket in the corner of the room, I would sit a few feet away watching TV but I still had to leave the room to go get a drink/snack/go to the toilet. If I needed a shower I would put him in his crib in my room and have a shower in my ensuite, if I needed to cook I would keep him in the Moses basket in the lounge and go next door to the kitchen with the door open. I just made sure all the cats were shut out.

I would have no issue asking my almost 8 year old to sit in the room with a baby, I definitely wouldn't be expecting him to watch it all the time but it wouldn't be necessary because the baby would be in a safe place with nothing to harm it.

You watch them and your DP can do jobs around the house for you then. You should be resting still

You get lovely long showers and get ready sessions 😂😂

That's the funniest thing I've ever read from a new mummy.

It’s reasonable for a newborn.

As in you are right OP

You take your kid in the bathroom while you do a shit?

That's really rude.

Yes you are being OTT as others have said. Your baby doesn't need eyeballs on him 24/7. You say you don't have anxiety but you clearly do. You should get some help with that.

Have you ever seen what this sort of burn out can do to mums? I have, Ive seen it as a professional over many years. Its not fun. OP needs support to come back down.

This is seriously OTT.
A baby is not a television screen. You do NOT need to have eyes glued on it the whole time.
As for taking the baby into the bathroom while you crap - well I've heard it all now.
What a weird set up.

It's completely understandable to be protective of your newborn. I think leaving with 13 year old for any length of time depends on their maturity etc. I personally would invest in a really comfy carrier (I have ergo baby which is great) - It was the only way I could get anything done in the first months.

Please do not use your child to do your mothering role.

“ I would say I watch him the majority of the day through pure enjoyment even if he is sleeping”

This is super cute. I remember feeling like that with my first. DC2 only got checked occasionally to make sure she was still alive, poor thing 😅

I’m pretty anxious myself and had a serious go at my husband for letting an 8 year old watch my 10-months old while he went in the kitchen, but a newborn safely in their crib and someone else in the same room on their phone / sleeping / watching TV is ok, most people can’t literally have eyes on them 24/7 and the good thing is that they’re not mobile yet, this will be a completely different ballgame in a few months time

I thought you meant going out and leaving baby with them then I would say in most cases irresponsible
but
14 year old sat on sofa while you/DH/adult is just in the next room while baby is in secure device (bouncer, moses basket, pen etc...) is fine.

I mean who stares at the baby while you all sleep?

Could you still be hormonal from birth, I don't mean that badly at all but in hospital (had to stay in for weeks with 2 or my 3 kids) I was very like that and made myself insane by not sleeping 'just in case'. I think its the very public location of being on a ward that really set my 'newborn paranoia' off, I was much more relaxed once home with baby but with my oldest (PFB) I still had bouts of 'worst case scenario' until they where about 2 year old. Its fairly normal and means you care and are in 'protect mode' but its not always the most 'logical' thought processes.

Good catch thanks, my first point is aimed more along the lines of the parent and the older child respectively. It’s certainly more nuanced between parents and perhaps the point is more that deference is owed to the more concerned and recovering from major surgery parent but still OPINBU.

From one mum to another , please try not worry so much, which I know is hard in the newborn stage, as your hormones are still not back to usual and you're completely exhausted. Your dsd is a teenager and more than capable of watching your newborn , while you're in the same house as briefly doing chores.

Please read this back in 3 years time (when you will wish you had 5 pairs of eyes to keep your mobile child out of mischief - and when this will actually be necessary) and take in the bat shittery. Gawping at a newborn 24/7? Yeah good luck with that. Let's see how long you can keep that up for.

Why is that funny?

What do you do when hes asleep?

I'm not going to judge you op, I remember those early days, your world is a sleep deprived bubble of newborn right now.

You will learn to let go a little, your baby will be perfectly fine with the 13yo watching them whilst you potter around the house.

I would maybe speak to your health visitor if the anxiety doesn't ease a little, just for some additional support and coping mechanisms.

Congrats on the new baby