13 year old watching newborn

[Newmum99653]

Am I being unreasonable?

I am not comfortable with our 13 year old DSD watching our newborn whilst we do jobs around the house. Personally my priority is the safety of the newborn and anything can happen quickly (choking, falling, suffocating) if not being watched properly. E.g. I came down and DSD was on phone whilst “watching” newborn whilst I was upstairs and DP was in the kitchen.

My DP on the other hand doesn’t see the problem in this at all.

My view is DSD can hold feed cuddle newborn as much as she wants but whilst we are supervising.
Am I being unreasonable?

Congratulations on your new baby!!

The only thing you’ve been unreasonable in doing is asking mumsnet an opinion when you’re 14 days post partum 🤣 I think many have forgotten the hormonal protective instinct that drives you in those early days. Everything is so new, you’re likely sleep deprived, exhausted, recovering from major abdominal surgery and you’re primed to make sure your baby is ok and that’s fine. It sounds like this is your first baby and I think we have instincts for a reason - they’re there to keep us and our baby safe.

Im sure everyone on mumsnet did things in those early days with their first that they wouldn’t be doing now or with their older or subsequent children. You’re 14 days post partum, give yourself some slack and do whatever you need to do to keep yourself sane. If that means constantly being around the baby 24/7 then do it - with the knowledge that it’s not sustainable long term - you’re not hurting anyone. Hopefully DD and DSD can understand this. With time as baby gets older you will “chill out” a bit and hopefully feel more comfortable being away from them. But it’s fine for you to not feel like that now. But equally you can’t expect your partner to feel exactly the way you do and if he wants to take a shit in peace without the baby you should allow him 20 mins away. One of the hardest parts I found of being a new parent was accepting that we did things differently and that my way wasn’t always the “right” way just a different way. You will find your groove. You’re doing a great job mama.

When I was born, my siblings ages 10 - 18 watched me. I was baby number 6, so my parents were pretty much over babies by that point, probably would’ve left me with a 5 year old. I understand this is your PFB, I remember how I was when DD was born, but take a chill pill. Soon you’ll be glad for any help you can get.

Well given the other extreme posts you've made the sarcasm wasn't evident.

Glad to hear you do sleep at least, lack of sleep can only exacerbate the anxiety about leaving a 13 Yr old with a baby.

Omg lady, chill your attitude. You asked the question, dont like the answer and just being flat out unpleasant.

Take away the blanket if he’s unsupervised. As for sick, how do you cope over night? Surely you don’t stay awake to watch him

I was going to say this. It’s not normal and could be an early indication of PND.

@ObliviousCoalmine the OP’s replies
are quite snippy though. She is the one who asked for advice…:

Also forgot to add - I also think it’s nice for 13 year old to have some one on one time with baby - maybe start whilst baby is asleep and they can be in charge for that period - I know they’re all different but usually newborns are asleep for hours at a time - it’s difficult to see when it’s your baby but they can be pretty boring for everyone else especially when asleep so please don’t begrudge DSD for popping tv on or being on phone. Maybe work on a compromise with your partner where both of you are happy

Is baby your first OP? I remember my mind racing like that with my first especially.

You sound overly anxious as a new parent. Never taking your eyes off him ,only sleeping if someone else is awake to watch her...

That's not normal behaviour.

With respect OP, you sound very over the top and anxious. Presumably your first baby? They can be left alone in a safe environment for a short while and you don’t need to stay awake if they are sleeping! You’ll learn to relax. Please don’t alienate your DSD because you are dealing with this. Your DH has experience with newborns so maybe listen to him?

You say you’re not anxious but kindly you do sound anxious. I think a sensible 13 year old is perfectly capable of keeping an eye on baby whilst your occupied in another area of the house providing you’ve left the baby in a safe place. However it’s not necessary for someone to be watching them at all times. Buy a decent baby monitor.

You are over anxious

Speak to you HV

Babies who can't yet roll over let alone crawl are absolutely fine to be left without eyes on them constantly. Think about it rationally: most new parents need to cook a meal, parent older children, drive a car, take the bus, go to the shops etc. All of that means that baby won't have eyes on them every minute of the day.

So long as baby is in earshot (e.g. via a baby monitor or in the same room as someone) then they're fine. You can watch TV, nap, cook, clean, shower etc. - whatever you want. As you'll have already discovered, babies are pretty good at telling us when they're not happy with something (even if they're terrible at telling us exactly what it is that they're unhappy about!).

The teenager is absolutely fine to be on her phone or watching TV or going her homework if she's in the same room as baby. So long as she's not ignoring baby or is so wildly distracted that she wouldn't notice if baby was in distress.

I understand everything is very new and very challenging at the moment and it's normal to be anxious about your baby. But please believe me when I say that your baby is fine to be watched by a young teen on her phone so long as a responsible adult is somewhere around the house or garden should a problem arise. Enjoy your new arrival and don't forget to look after yourself too.

@Newmum99653

what about when your husband does back to work after paternity leave? Will you not shower, cook/eat, clean’ dry your hair etc if it’s just you and your baby in the house?
oh and your baby probably doesn’t wanna be in the toilet with you - pretty stinky for them!

It’s a long time ago but I’m pretty sure I remember doing that too, at least in the very early weeks. I think that’s actually a fairly normal level of supervision with a first baby. Obviously as time passes, and with subsequent kids, the anxiety diminishes. But at your stage OP, I think your behaviour is normal and understandable.

So this is your first child and your that paranoid parent. 13 year olds used to have thier own babies many years ago. More than capable of watching a sleeping baby. You are being ridiculous

No.

Not every new mother.

And not every new mother behaves like this.

This is concerning.

If you’re at home I wouldn’t have a problem with it, so long as DC is willing and sensible.

Trust me, unless OP has other symptoms of anxiety and depression, no health care professional is going to be worried about a first time mum of a 2 week old baby wanting to ensure baby is with an adult all the time. I’m a GP with 35 years experience, so I’ve seen pretty much the full spectrum of baby attachment.

Obviously if OP felt the same in 6 months time it would be concerning, but not now.

I went to the kitchen and left my newborn without a 13 year old to watch them. Surely most people do this?

What do you think she's going to do?

This baby is incredibly advanced. She is going to wander off and get some nuts out the cupboard and choke

OP I hope you havent implied to the 13 year old in any way that she did anything wrong by being on her phone?

OP please speak to someone about this, you will literally go insane and then your baby wont have you around as a predictable, safe consistent person. You cant keep this sort of thing up.

I feel like you are getting a pile on here, by people who have come through the early phase of having a new born baby. Everything is still new, you are finding your feet and getting called out for health anxiety isn’t going to help. Hashtag ‘be kind’ anyone!
OP carry on looking after your baby. When you get more confident with the huge changes your life has undertaken you’ll start to relax more. In the meantime encourage your DSD and welcome her to bond with her new sibling.