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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is Dd being used as income stream?

118 replies

Plainjanespaghetti · 26/07/2025 22:08

Prepared to be told IABU but struggling to see this in a positive light...

Dd has recently graduated. Hopes to remain in city that she studied in. She is working in same job that she did while studying, while applying for other jobs. We have/will help her out for a bit if money is tight.

Dd living with BF and has been for the last year. He will be in this area for at least 18 months as has employment commitments.

They rent a 2 bed

BF parents, who already own 5 houses which they let, are now planning to buy (outright) a 4 bed in the uni city. They expect their son and Dd to move into it, as well as assist with the upkeep etc, as BF parents live a good 3 hrs travel time away

BF parents want them both to pay the same rent as they are now. House in parents name.

Dd doesn't want to move into proposed house as doesn't think they can afford the additional cost of a bigger property & doesn't like the area. It also doesn't have all the same amenities as current house.

Apparently the house buy was presented as great honor.

I'm struggling with this as feel that Dd being used as a source of their income. They expect their son to move in and by default Dd.

Currently unknown if they plan to fill the other rooms or what sort of contract they'd want. Dd considers she's lived with enough 'randoms' to not fancy doing this again.

Proposed house is also outside of typical student area by about 12 miles..

AIBU?

OP posts:

Rattai · 26/07/2025 22:09

Can she talk to her boyfriend?

Original poster

Plainjanespaghetti · 26/07/2025 22:10

Yes she has explained how she feels. I think he understands, but feels indebted to his family who are doing a 'nice thing'.

OP posts:

Hankunamatata · 26/07/2025 22:13

Tell her to stay firm and say no. There is absolutely no benefit to dd

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 26/07/2025 22:13

If your daughter is a graduate, isn’t she old enough to decide who she wants to live with and where? And how much she can afford? And what level of commitment she’s willing to give?

NImumconfused · 26/07/2025 22:13

I don't think you're being unreasonable - there's not much upside for DD, especially if she doesn't know if they're planning to let the other rooms. More costs and responsibility, fewer amenities, inconvenient location that she doesn't like - why would anyone want to do that?

Encourage her to put all these points to her boyfriend and suggest his parents just rent it out to strangers in the normal way, there's no sense in her and her BF getting involved. And if she feels she can't do that, that's a whacking big red flag right there...

Steelworks · 26/07/2025 22:14

The parents are being entrepreneurs, buying a house and renting it out in the university town to students. Naturally they expect their dc to live there, and therefore by default, your dd as well, and to pay rent. However, your dd doesn’t need to go along with this, and can refuse to move there. It may mean not living with bf, if he feels he has to comply with his parents.

youreactinglikeafunmum · 26/07/2025 22:14

Yanbu, i wouldn't like either - someone else will have some useful advice i'm sure but agree with you

floppybit · 26/07/2025 22:14

They are taking the piss

EmeraldShamrock000 · 26/07/2025 22:15

Someone will rent it anyway. Are they getting any benefits from the move?

NImumconfused · 26/07/2025 22:15

Plainjanespaghetti · 26/07/2025 22:10

Yes she has explained how she feels. I think he understands, but feels indebted to his family who are doing a 'nice thing'.

If they weren't consulted and it doesn't work for them, it's really not a 'nice thing'.

littlemissprosseco · 26/07/2025 22:15

Well then he needs to stand up to his family
“ this doesn’t work for us, but I can help you manage it as I’m living quite close by”
If the family really want to help, they could allow him to use that income to help with his future, whatever that may be.

Namenamchange · 26/07/2025 22:15

I don’t think you can assume that dd is being used as an income stream. I think it sounds like bf’s parents are trying to be nice and quite clearly have a lot of money. If it isn’t what you dd wants, then she needs to be clear to her bf that’s it’s not for her. Then he can make his choice about what he then wants to do.

Does the bf really understand? Or is he happy with the situation.

Apocketfilledwithposies · 26/07/2025 22:15

She doesn't have to move!

If she doesn't want to she should tell her boyfriend she has no desire to live in said house but obviously he is free to without her if that's what he wants to do.

Pessismistic · 26/07/2025 22:16

Omg no definitely not how dare they just presume that they will rent out there house. Dd should just say thanks for the opportunity but I like where I live now and have my privacy which I’m not willing to give up. If she moves there they could turf her out if they split up. I hope she has it in her to say no.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 26/07/2025 22:17

They have probably been adding up the rent they're paying and thought they should pay it to them.
Unless it was a bargain, big savings, then I would encourage DD not to take it.
You get nothing for nothing.

gamerchick · 26/07/2025 22:18

Then he can move in if he wants. She needs to stand up for herself here if she doesn't want to move in to an ordered property to share with ransoms.

RosesAndHellebores · 26/07/2025 22:18

I think she needs to have a long hard think about what she wants the rest of her life to look like and whether she will ever have the independence she wants as a sentient part of a loving couple.

It would be a red flag for me and I'd put on my spikes.

sesquipedalian · 26/07/2025 22:19

This is very interfering of the BF’s parents, and if they are buying this house with a view to letting it in a uni city, yet it’s twelve miles out of the university area, they won’t get many takers. What does the BF think of all this? I think he and your DD need to present a united front to his parents, to say they are happy with their current rental arrangements and that this new house doesn’t work for them.

DoneitagainhaventI · 26/07/2025 22:20

If this is the way her bf's parents control his life then I think she should be wary of her relationship with him.

If he always does what his parents tell him and their wishes take precedence then the future doesnt bode well.

I hope your dd maintains her independence and doesnt get sucked in to their life plan for their son.

MimiSunshine · 26/07/2025 22:21

Plainjanespaghetti · 26/07/2025 22:10

Yes she has explained how she feels. I think he understands, but feels indebted to his family who are doing a 'nice thing'.

How is it a nice thing? They’re not letting them stay for free! They’d be paying rent.

i’d bd reassuring your DD that she’s right to stick to position of being happy where she’s living and simply to say, thank you for the offer but it doesn’t suit me so no thank you I won’t bf moving in.

she doesn’t need to discuss if or have anyone negotiate it with her. She doesn’t want to move into that house and therefore her no is enough.

keep reiterating this to her, her feelings are valid, she doesn’t have to move just to be polite. Her boyfriend can if he wants to.

healthybychristmas · 26/07/2025 22:23

It's nothing to do with them where she lives! That's her choice.

Isitreallysohard · 26/07/2025 22:24

What shitty parents renting it out to their kid at market rates. Tell her to say no if she doesn't like it. What are the advantage of it?

Supersimkin7 · 26/07/2025 22:28

Grabby parents, weedy BF.

DD gets 0 benefit.

Original poster

Plainjanespaghetti · 26/07/2025 22:33

Dd is indeed old enough to make up her own mind. I guess I was examining my own feelings.
I find it hard to relate to BF parents decision making and rationale. There are so many variables that would mean I'd baulk at buying in those circs (Perhaps that why I don't have heaps of money). I wouldn't feel comfortable charging that amount of rent to Dd bf let alone Dd either.

I believe she has made it very clear to her bf her rationale for not wanting to take them up on their offer. It makes me a bit sad for her bf though who no doubt will be in a double bind. Who knows he may at some point need parental support again.

The idea of helping him offering to look after the property is a good one.

OP posts:

JLou08 · 26/07/2025 22:48

I'm married and have been with DH for 20 years. I trust him and his family. I still wouldn't risk renting a house of them though unless I was absolutely desperate. Too many potential risks and complications. Who's going to be the priority if they split? What conditions will be tied to it? Will they be inspecting the property like landlords at every visit that should just be a casual meeting with families? Will they feel they are entitled to let themselves in whenever they please? Will they have a legally binding tenancy agreement or will they think they can get away with doing what they like?

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