Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Is Dd being used as income stream?

118 replies

Plainjanespaghetti · 26/07/2025 22:08

Prepared to be told IABU but struggling to see this in a positive light...

Dd has recently graduated. Hopes to remain in city that she studied in. She is working in same job that she did while studying, while applying for other jobs. We have/will help her out for a bit if money is tight.

Dd living with BF and has been for the last year. He will be in this area for at least 18 months as has employment commitments.

They rent a 2 bed

BF parents, who already own 5 houses which they let, are now planning to buy (outright) a 4 bed in the uni city. They expect their son and Dd to move into it, as well as assist with the upkeep etc, as BF parents live a good 3 hrs travel time away

BF parents want them both to pay the same rent as they are now. House in parents name.

Dd doesn't want to move into proposed house as doesn't think they can afford the additional cost of a bigger property & doesn't like the area. It also doesn't have all the same amenities as current house.

Apparently the house buy was presented as great honor.

I'm struggling with this as feel that Dd being used as a source of their income. They expect their son to move in and by default Dd.

Currently unknown if they plan to fill the other rooms or what sort of contract they'd want. Dd considers she's lived with enough 'randoms' to not fancy doing this again.

Proposed house is also outside of typical student area by about 12 miles..

AIBU?

OP posts:

AllotmentHappy · 27/07/2025 16:38

If it was a nice thing they did they would of consulted with both of them where they wanted to live etc.
my parents did this just brought a tiny house with a tiny garden and said it was for me, but didnt ask any of my opinions. they werent happy when I moved out 8 years later even though it was never suitable for me!
dont let her be in the same shoes I was. If she doesnt want to move nobody is holding a gun to her head.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 27/07/2025 17:53

prelovedusername · 27/07/2025 08:52

This is between the BF and his parents. It’s possible of course that they are buying the property with the idea of giving it to him at some point, so there may be an incentive for him, but there is none for your DD. He shouldn’t feel bad about declining the offer, it’s a business opportunity for his parents, he doesn’t have to be involved. They could still buy it and let it to others if it’s a good investment. My guess is they want him to manage the property and tenants so it’s not the freebie it looks.

It’s not even a freebie they are paying rent

JHound · 27/07/2025 17:55

The own 5 homes?!?

Yuck. Your DD should stay where she is. She does not want her in-laws as her landlord.

justasking111 · 27/07/2025 18:14

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 27/07/2025 16:04

I think your DD is right to be suspicious. What if BFs parents let the other rooms to students? Living with students when you are no longer a student and have an actual day job is absolutely dreadful as my younger son found when he had a house share during his placement year. And if you've been used to having your own place... I'm slightly surprised that the BF can't see this, to be honest. But I guess his DPs have brought him up to be grateful for everything he's given so he's a bit stuck. But if your DD sticks to her guns he might see sense and stay where he is, and the DPs can rent out through an agency. They'll just have to suck up some of the vagaries of renting to students (if that's what they're going to do).

My youngest and girlfriend said never again in his third year so shared with another couple in their final year.

GiveDogBone · 27/07/2025 18:39

How on earth is she being used as a source of income, if the parents are asking them to pay the same rent as they currently pay for a 2-bed for a 4-bed. I mean if they wanted income they’d rent it out to someone else.

MellersSmellers · 27/07/2025 18:40

I'm struggling to see the upside for either DD or her BF if they will be paying the same rent but sharing with more randoms? Why does the BF think his parents have "done a nice thing"?
I could understand it if it was a better option and/or cheaper....

QuirkyOlive · 27/07/2025 19:02

You are not being unreasonable. DD is essentially being asked to buy a house for BF’s parents! Landlords profiting off their own kids and kids partners is a new low

Needspaceforlego · 27/07/2025 21:25

GiveDogBone · 27/07/2025 18:39

The point is they are 2 people they don't need a 4 bed in a nice leafy suburb when they live in a city centre flat with no commute.

12miles might not sound far away but that could easily add an hour or 2s commute each day. Plus a bigger house with garden need more day to day maintenance like cleaning and weeding.

They'll also have extra commute cost and extra expenses like heating and council tax.

I get why the ILs might not want to throw money away on a flat (solicitor fees, stamp duty) only for them to potentially want to move in 2 or 3 years.

But they as a young couple don't need his parents medelling with them or dictating where they live. So they can line their pockets even if they have a plan to hand it over to their son eventually.

ButterCrackers · 27/07/2025 21:38

It sounds like the parents are taking a loss on renting to their son and his gf. The bills would be higher for your dd and the bf. If it’s nice why not move there?

Flippingnora100 · 28/07/2025 00:53

It would be, “a nice thing to do,” if the rent was under market rate or if the house might one day be theirs or sold to them at a discount later or something. If so, it would be better to get that in writing. As it is, it sounds like the parents are benefiting themselves and no one else…

If your daughter will be paying market rent and doesn’t like the area, then I don’t see any benefit to her to agreeing to this plan unless the bf’s parents are planning to sweeten the deal somehow. Even then, there’s no guarantee your daughter would benefit in the end as they might split up and they aren’t married.

Independence and control of your own destiny is worth a lot! I think your instincts are right, OP unless the parents have a generous plan that we don’t know about…

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 28/07/2025 02:36

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 26/07/2025 22:13

If your daughter is a graduate, isn’t she old enough to decide who she wants to live with and where? And how much she can afford? And what level of commitment she’s willing to give?

Women much older than her have been socially pressured by boyfriends and in laws to pay more than they want to and move places they don't want to for fear of rocking the boat. Op wants to advocate for her child

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 28/07/2025 02:38

Try saying you'd like to buy a buy to let a few miles from where boyfriend parents live, are they willing to move into it and pay the mortgage for you? Unlikely

Mmhmmn · 28/07/2025 02:45

Plainjanespaghetti · 26/07/2025 22:10

Yes she has explained how she feels. I think he understands, but feels indebted to his family who are doing a 'nice thing'.

Red flag city. Young men who make any life decisions on the basis of feeling indebted to their family are to be avoided in general.
She needs to stick with NO. If he wants to allow himself to be railroaded by his family that’s his choice but she needs to keep herself out of unhealthy dynamics like that.

DadBodAlready · 28/07/2025 03:21

Based on what your sayng your DD needs to hold firm, there are too many -ves and not enought +ves, and if BF can't accept her reasoning she needs to kick him to the kerb.
This is about him and her not his parents.

pollymere · 28/07/2025 11:10

I've done this. Don't. My IL expected free board whenever they were there. And for me to drop everything to accommodate them and cook meals etc. It was hell. We ended up renting a flat in the same area just to get out of the situation before buying our own place. And if BF isn't man enough to say no, sorry, it's not a good fit for us, then he won't be man enough if they ever plan a wedding or have kids etc...

waterrat · 28/07/2025 11:18

I would be discouraging her from moving in with her BF at such a young age !

She can be in a relationship while having some space and independence...this is exactly the sort of messy family situation she is too young for.

NotThisShitAgain121 · 28/07/2025 11:43

Her life is her own. His parents do not get to dictate where she lives. They should have asked them. She needs to tell her boyfriend a polite but firm no and he. Needs to tell the parents that.

PinkCampervan · 28/07/2025 15:53

I don't understand all the posters saying they're too young to live together. Seen a few posts like that on this thread and on plenty of others.

They're graduates, so they're in their 20s. If she wants children they need time living together to see if the relationship works or not first and most people want some time to enjoy themselves child-free for a few years not to launch straight into having a family. If this relationship does not work out and they break up, she needs time to get over that, meet someone else and do the dating and living together thing all over again, before having children. She may have a few failed relationships before she meets the right person. All this takes time.

Fertility doesn't last forever. It's no good delaying living with anyone until you're nearly 30 just because of a misplaced notion that you've all the time in the world to be an adult. It's easier to get pregnant in 20s than 30s for most people and for some unfortunates they'll find 30s will be too late or they just don't meet the right person in time, plus your eggs are younger in your 20s too, so a better chance of having a healthy child and your energy levels are higher making parenting easier.

Before people jump on me I do know some people have easy conception/pregnancy/birth/motherhood into their 40s and with the man of their dreams too, but it's not a given. Plenty have left it a little too late and struggled to conceive, or found they couldn't. Or they have ended up lowering their standards and getting together with someone who isn't right for them, just because their main priority is having children and they've convinced themselves he'll do and it'll all work out.

I'm not saying people should have children earlier than they want to or live with someone before they want to or before it's right for that relationship, but this notion that your 20s is for having a kind of extended adolescence, just because you're young, isn't all that helpful for women TBH.

Just look at dating in your 30s+ too, all the useless men out there. Why? Because most of the ones with a mature outlook, the sensible and kind ones, who are hoping one day for marriage and who aren't afraid of pulling their weight at home, have been in solid relationships since their late teens or 20s. IMO "you're young, don't live like the mature adult you are, yet" is really bad advice for any woman who wants children or thinks she might one day want them.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5