Page 3 | Is Dd being used as income stream?

Plainjanespaghetti · 2025-07-26T21:08:26+00:00

Prepared to be told IABU but struggling to see this in a positive light... Dd has recently graduated. Hopes to remain in city that she studied in. She is working in same job that she did while studying, while applying for other jobs. We have/will help her out for a bit if money is tight. Dd living with BF and has been for the last year. He will be in this area for at least 18 months as has employment commitments. They rent a 2 bed BF parents, who already own 5 houses which they let, are now planning to buy (outright) a 4 bed in the uni city. They expect their son and Dd to move into it, as well as assist with the upkeep etc, as BF parents live a good 3 hrs travel time away BF parents want them both to pay the same rent as they are now. House in parents name. Dd doesn't want to move into proposed house as doesn't think they can afford the additional cost of a bigger property & doesn't like the area. It also doesn't have all the same amenities as current house. Apparently the house buy was presented as great honor. I'm struggling with this as feel that Dd being used as a source of their income. They expect their son to move in and by default Dd. Currently unknown if they plan to fill the other rooms or what sort of contract they'd want. Dd considers she's lived with enough 'randoms' to not fancy doing this again. Proposed house is also outside of typical student area by about 12 miles.. AIBU?

Yelloello · 27/07/2025 00:25

Yeah the fact it’s being sold as a “nice thing” is what makes me suspect they are trying to take advantage because why else dress it up as some favour they’re doing her?

It’s clear to any reasonable person that there are actually various drawbacks - particularly for your daughter .

If they laid their cards on the table and said we know it may not be ideal for you because of x, y and z but we want you to know the offer is open to you and we would like you to move in as we would rather have tenants we know and trust.

Now maybe that might still be a bit selfish of them, but at least it would show the family were being transparent and straightforward.

I really hope your daughter stands her ground Op and doesn’t move in.

Needspaceforlego · 27/07/2025 00:29

Bengenderson · 27/07/2025 00:10

Why is it being presented as a ‘nice thing’ the parents are doing?? If they are going to be charging them market rent on top of helping with the upkeep etc then it really isn’t any sort of favour or kind deed :/

They sound a bit deluded in that respect and is a red flag imo.

For the boy it's probably a good thing, keeps his money in the family and potential inheritance down the line assuming they sign it over before the parents become old and need care.

But I can see little advantage to the Ops DD.

I think the ILs should say out the relationship, let the young couple do their own thing. And should they decide to settle together, that's the point for them to consider helping them with deposit or house.

Soontobesingles · 27/07/2025 00:57

If your DD is able to stand up and say ‘no’ and follow through on this, apart from the fact it’s the right thing to do (living in BF’s parents house under these circs likely to turn sour quickly) it will set her in really good stead for enforcing healthy boundaries and putting herself first in the future.

Soontobesingles · 27/07/2025 01:01

I don’t really understand how it can be interpreted as a ‘nice thing’. ‘Live somewhere inconveniently located with fewer amenities than you have now, paying the same plus additional transport costs and also take responsibility for the landlord’s jobs’ - err no thanks. Where is there any benefit to DD in this?

Anotherparkingthread · 27/07/2025 01:18

Sounds like a nightmare. I can see so many problems cropping up with this.

It will be a good test for the relationship. I couldn't be with a man who just went along with something just because his mum told him to. He would be an absolute sucker to go for it himself. It would show a pitiful lack of backbone.

PollyBell · 27/07/2025 01:35

I dont see how she would be used an income stream they would pay equal rent?

But regardless she doesn't have to do it she can just say no

Needspaceforlego · 27/07/2025 01:42

PollyBell · 27/07/2025 01:35

I dont see how she would be used an income stream they would pay equal rent?

But regardless she doesn't have to do it she can just say no

Effectively shes being pushed into a property thats bigger, more expensive than they need, wrong location and more council tax.

Its not a benefit to ops DD, the boyfriend will benefit in a roundabout way because his parents will bo doubt invest the money thry give as rent . He'll benefit when the parents no doubt decide to sign thd house over or when he inherits

whitewinespritzerandastraw · 27/07/2025 02:17

I don’t see any benefit to your daughter.

How are they presenting it as a great honour?

Is it a particularly nice property? I could possibly see the appeal of living in a nice 4 bed house for same money as a 2 bed flat…..but not if it meant higher running costs, plus being in an area I didn’t want to be in.

If they were planning on renting out the other rooms to other tenants - absolutely, definitely not.

I don’t see how they are doing their son a favour either?

Deally doesn’t seem like a good deal to me. I hope she is able to stand her ground and say thanks but no thanks.

freerangethighs · 27/07/2025 03:48

How are the boyfriend's parents "doing a nice thing"? They're asking the kids to pay the same rent for a less convenient place with fewer amenities and also possibly to do unpaid labour as the parents aren't nearby. AND they have the threat of unknown flatmates moving in, which isn't an issue where they are now. The obvious answer is thanks but no thanks; we like the place we have.

IF the parents were to significantly reduce the cost to them or let them stay for free in exchange for whatever upkeep they're asked to do, that might be a different scenario, but in your daughter's place I would want a firm guarantee that strangers (or anyone that bf and I didn't specifically approve) wouldn't be living in the other rooms.

2021x · 27/07/2025 04:56

There is no benefit to your DD, only to the BFs parents.

If they gave it to them rent free (or 50%) in return for the upkeep it would work out.

Your DD is right to run. She is just a pawn to them.

PollyBell · 27/07/2025 05:24

Needspaceforlego · 27/07/2025 01:42

Effectively shes being pushed into a property thats bigger, more expensive than they need, wrong location and more council tax.

Its not a benefit to ops DD, the boyfriend will benefit in a roundabout way because his parents will bo doubt invest the money thry give as rent . He'll benefit when the parents no doubt decide to sign thd house over or when he inherits

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If they rent some other random place with some unknown LL they would paying their rent to some others person's benefit they have no connection with so

Sure again if she doesn't want to say no but I still dont get the difference in paying 'normal' rent to this either way ot benefits someone other than the op and her bf

Nina1013 · 27/07/2025 05:31

I suspect he’s not actually going to be paying rent himself but doesn’t want her to know that, so that she doesn’t ‘expect’ free rent too.

Francestein · 27/07/2025 05:35

DD may find bf’s parents respect her more if she does say no to this ludicrous idea.

99bottlesofkombucha · 27/07/2025 05:46

PollyBell · 27/07/2025 05:24

If they rent some other random place with some unknown LL they would paying their rent to some others person's benefit they have no connection with so

Sure again if she doesn't want to say no but I still dont get the difference in paying 'normal' rent to this either way ot benefits someone other than the op and her bf

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Because she doesn’t want to live in the area at all, it’s not convenient and she can’t afford the bills?

JuicySmoochy · 27/07/2025 05:47

I don’t get all the agonising over this. If she doesn’t fancy it then she just declines the offer. It’s that simple.
it’s impossible to know if it was offered as a ‘kind offer’ or not. The OP says her daughter doesn’t even know if the OPs parents were going to let the other rooms in the house. It might be the OPs daughter and boyfriend get the whole house and it might be a lively house, no one knows the details so it’s impossible to know if the parents are being evil or controlling so no need for all the drama.

JuicySmoochy · 27/07/2025 05:47

I don’t get all the agonising over this. If she doesn’t fancy it then she just declines the offer. It’s that simple.
it’s impossible to know if it was offered as a ‘kind offer’ or not. The OP says her daughter doesn’t even know if the OPs parents were going to let the other rooms in the house. It might be the OPs daughter and boyfriend get the whole house and it might be a lively house, no one knows the details so it’s impossible to know if the parents are being evil or controlling so no need for all the drama.

JuicySmoochy · 27/07/2025 05:47

I don’t get all the agonising over this. If she doesn’t fancy it then she just declines the offer. It’s that simple.
it’s impossible to know if it was offered as a ‘kind offer’ or not. The OP says her daughter doesn’t even know if the OPs parents were going to let the other rooms in the house. It might be the OPs daughter and boyfriend get the whole house and it might be a lively house, no one knows the details so it’s impossible to know if the parents are being evil or controlling so no need for all the drama.

LoveWine123 · 27/07/2025 06:14

This is a great opportunity for your DD to practice saying no and to stand up for what is right for her. If this is not what’s best for her she should tell them (and her boyfriend) no. The offer from the parents will benefit them and even though they say their son and his girlfriend will be paying rent they may not actually take money from their son (or charge him less) and your DD will end up subsidising their house purchase. Nothing wrong with that if it works for her but it doesn’t. DD will be faced with lots of these decisions as an adult so it’s a great opportunity to help her navigate this situation so she makes the right choice for her.

You are a good mum and you will never stop worrying about her or her life choices. At this stage in her life all you can do is provide a listening ear and support her as she stands up for herself.

Strawberrri · 27/07/2025 06:21

Surely it would make it harder for DD to split from her bf, if she wanted to in the future, if she is also their tenant.

Yellowbirdcage · 27/07/2025 06:22

I can absolutely see why the boyfriend would do this. Not her. Might split them up then she’s back to sharing with randoms or paying the massive extra to get her own place. It’s so hard for young people not in a couple to afford rent.

Stripeysockspots · 27/07/2025 06:23

If they move other people in too they'll push all the household management, rent collection etc onto your dd.

I would only enter this arrangement if the terms were changed. 0 rent, but dd and bf will manage the other tenants who pay the mortgage payments. Then after 5 years will have the opportunity to buy the property at the same price as it was bought for. If they don't choose to do that then they can move on to somewhere else but have 5 years of rent free living to save up.

rwalker · 27/07/2025 06:25

2021x · 27/07/2025 04:56

There is no benefit to your DD, only to the BFs parents.

If they gave it to them rent free (or 50%) in return for the upkeep it would work out.

Your DD is right to run. She is just a pawn to them.

There’s no benefits to the parents there experienced LL they’ll just rent it to someone else

Shelby2010 · 27/07/2025 06:30

It’s also short-sighted of the parents not to consult DD & BF over what areas would be best to buy a house in. After all they are the ones who have lived in the city for 3 years.

user1492757084 · 27/07/2025 06:59

If your daughter decides to move to the new home purchased by her boyfriend's parents, make sure she keeps them to their word of her paying the same as where she rents now.
If she is serious with BF then I think both of them should consider the offer as a positive one.

Hodgemollar · 27/07/2025 07:11

I wouldn’t say she’s being used as an income stream, I’m sure they don’t care if she moves in or not she’s simply being given the option.