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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is Dd being used as income stream?

118 replies

Plainjanespaghetti · 26/07/2025 22:08

Prepared to be told IABU but struggling to see this in a positive light...

Dd has recently graduated. Hopes to remain in city that she studied in. She is working in same job that she did while studying, while applying for other jobs. We have/will help her out for a bit if money is tight.

Dd living with BF and has been for the last year. He will be in this area for at least 18 months as has employment commitments.

They rent a 2 bed

BF parents, who already own 5 houses which they let, are now planning to buy (outright) a 4 bed in the uni city. They expect their son and Dd to move into it, as well as assist with the upkeep etc, as BF parents live a good 3 hrs travel time away

BF parents want them both to pay the same rent as they are now. House in parents name.

Dd doesn't want to move into proposed house as doesn't think they can afford the additional cost of a bigger property & doesn't like the area. It also doesn't have all the same amenities as current house.

Apparently the house buy was presented as great honor.

I'm struggling with this as feel that Dd being used as a source of their income. They expect their son to move in and by default Dd.

Currently unknown if they plan to fill the other rooms or what sort of contract they'd want. Dd considers she's lived with enough 'randoms' to not fancy doing this again.

Proposed house is also outside of typical student area by about 12 miles..

AIBU?

OP posts:
NurtureGrow · 27/07/2025 07:13

As an adult I think she needs to sort this out herself. She can explain the reasons she doesn't want to, that you detailed.

pilates · 27/07/2025 07:21

Your daughter needs to say thank you but sorry this does not work for me. I’m sure they can rent it out to students for more money so I wouldn’t feel bad about it. It puts her bf in an awkward position but hope he stands by your daughter.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 27/07/2025 07:24

There’s nothing in this for your daughter - the house is worse than what she has now in terms of location and amenities. She will be paying the same in rent and likely more in bills /travel. She needs to say no and state this as why. It’s not a nice thing from the parents.

Mulledjuice · 27/07/2025 07:29

Plainjanespaghetti · 26/07/2025 22:10

Yes she has explained how she feels. I think he understands, but feels indebted to his family who are doing a 'nice thing'.

How is it a nice thing? They're not enabling DD to gradually buy a bit of this house through her rent, are they?

She's being told that she's morally obliged to rent in location that doesnt suit, a room which is too expensive for her tastes, a house she'll have to maintain for free, with people she doesnt know.

Where is DD benefiting?

Waterweight · 27/07/2025 07:44

Steelworks · 26/07/2025 22:14

The parents are being entrepreneurs, buying a house and renting it out in the university town to students. Naturally they expect their dc to live there, and therefore by default, your dd as well, and to pay rent. However, your dd doesn’t need to go along with this, and can refuse to move there. It may mean not living with bf, if he feels he has to comply with his parents.

The kids have finished university though. Seems a bit late to jump on the trend of buying where your kids are studying 4/5 years after they arrived & expecting them to house sit presumably younger tenants

Limehawkmoth · 27/07/2025 08:04

Pessismistic · 26/07/2025 22:16

Omg no definitely not how dare they just presume that they will rent out there house. Dd should just say thanks for the opportunity but I like where I live now and have my privacy which I’m not willing to give up. If she moves there they could turf her out if they split up. I hope she has it in her to say no.

They can’t turf her out if it is a formal rental agreement
op has not said there won’t be formal tenancy contract

AllHoityToity · 27/07/2025 08:19

Limehawkmoth · 27/07/2025 08:04

They can’t turf her out if it is a formal rental agreement
op has not said there won’t be formal tenancy contract

Show quote history

Why can’t they? People get evicted all of the time.

Usually landlords aren’t involved in the personal or romantic lives of their tenants so it’s not an issue but if the OP’s dd falls out with her boyfriend his parents could evict her.

Lanternsarenice · 27/07/2025 08:21

It sounds very manipulative. There's no benefit to dd and her bf at all. They just want instant tenants for the house they bought.

justasking111 · 27/07/2025 08:37

Son and girlfriend are renting near university while he does his masters. But they don't intend to stay. Once he has that qualification they will go where the best jobs are and advance their careers, make some money, travel and have fun. They'd be horrified if we bought them a house and tied them down like this.

The parents will have to use an agency like every other student landlord.

prelovedusername · 27/07/2025 08:52

This is between the BF and his parents. It’s possible of course that they are buying the property with the idea of giving it to him at some point, so there may be an incentive for him, but there is none for your DD. He shouldn’t feel bad about declining the offer, it’s a business opportunity for his parents, he doesn’t have to be involved. They could still buy it and let it to others if it’s a good investment. My guess is they want him to manage the property and tenants so it’s not the freebie it looks.

ZoomingSusan · 27/07/2025 09:31

DD needs to say no thank you , I want to live in a different area and prefer to keep business separate from family. Renting a house is a business arrangement and rarely a straightforward favour. DP must do as he thinks best but I hope he refuses too, for his own sake.

howshouldibehave · 27/07/2025 09:38

Obviously she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to.

It sounds like she isn't earning a high salary though and if he moves into his parents' house, it will be the end of their current living arrangements. Would it end their relationship? Could she afford to rent a flat/room alone?

Needspaceforlego · 27/07/2025 14:59

PollyBell · 27/07/2025 05:24

If they rent some other random place with some unknown LL they would paying their rent to some others person's benefit they have no connection with so

Sure again if she doesn't want to say no but I still dont get the difference in paying 'normal' rent to this either way ot benefits someone other than the op and her bf

Show quote history

The difference is if they rent from a random LL its a purely business arrangement if the LL is a PITA its easy to have a row with them or vote with your feet and move on.
Not so easy if the LL is your future ILs and it also means Ops Daughter doesn't get the same say in where her and partner live.

PinkCampervan · 27/07/2025 15:10

I don’t get all the agonising over this. If she doesn’t fancy it then she just declines the offer. It’s that simple.

Because she's in a relationship with this guy? (Do you have no soul or something, that you can't see the significance of this?). She lives with him so presumably loves him. The relationship was working out fine until now. If she says no to moving and he goes ahead with it, they're effectively breaking up, because you can't really go backwards in a relationship once you've moved on a stage and she'd be a fool to continue a relationship with someone who doesn't love her enough to remain in the home they currently share together. But it's hard breaking up with someone you still love. So people in this situation start to doubt themselves and wonder if they're being unreasonable in what they want, if they should lower their standards so they can stay together because breaking up hurts.

PinkCampervan · 27/07/2025 15:15

Why can’t they? People get evicted all of the time.

Erm... because if you have a contract stating you can live somewhere for a year, then...you can live there for a year. It's that simple.

Without a contract she won't have the same rights.

Fentyfan · 27/07/2025 15:22

I wouldn’t do it - it’s a bad deal for her. Possible the BF in the end will benefit from inheriting assets but who knows if they’ll be together or not by then?

SummerFeverVenice · 27/07/2025 15:28

They’re using both their DS and your DD to pay off another mortgaged home.
It isn’t a nice thing at all.

GoldDuster · 27/07/2025 15:30

Help that isn't wanted, or offers that have to be presented as Nice Things, aren't help, they are control.

I would 100% tell her to say no thankyou to the offer, and make alternative arrangements. It's really not your daughter that's got the dilemma, it's her BF. He will need to decide where his loyalties lie, and that will be a test for him.

Good practice for your DD in boundary setting, going with her gut, knowing what she wants and voicing it. They're very young to be living together especially with this heavy family obligation. Keeping her independence is key, starting now.

Caroparo52 · 27/07/2025 15:43

I think there is a bit of bullying going on her by parents of dbf. There's no plusses to this proposed house for dd and lots of negatives. Wrong area. Increased rental. Contract or lack of, potential difficulties. Random room mates. She should say No Thank You. Parents should not burden son with this landlord in situ senario.
I rent property professionally. I always steer well clear of renting to friends or family because there are too many grey areas.

OriginalUsername2 · 27/07/2025 15:53

It would put DD in a lot of situations where she feels she has to do what they want “because of all they have done for her”.

SummerFeverVenice · 27/07/2025 15:54

Help that isn't wanted, or offers that have to be presented as Nice Things, aren't help, they are control.

^This. It’s important to note it is control of their DS as well as your DD.

Limehawkmoth · 27/07/2025 15:55

AllHoityToity · 27/07/2025 08:19

Why can’t they? People get evicted all of the time.

Usually landlords aren’t involved in the personal or romantic lives of their tenants so it’s not an issue but if the OP’s dd falls out with her boyfriend his parents could evict her.

Show quote history

People get evicted following court cases and orders. Tenants rights have been improved to make eviction harder

sure, if she doesn’t have tenancy they can turf her out. But even then she can refuse to budge and a court order would be needed after much hassle

key point is that no where does Op state DD won’t have full legal tenancy and that is key protection that simply does not support your statement that she will loose rights. She will have same rights as she currently has in her current rental

whether it’s a sensible move is another issue and it sound not…

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 27/07/2025 16:04

I think your DD is right to be suspicious. What if BFs parents let the other rooms to students? Living with students when you are no longer a student and have an actual day job is absolutely dreadful as my younger son found when he had a house share during his placement year. And if you've been used to having your own place... I'm slightly surprised that the BF can't see this, to be honest. But I guess his DPs have brought him up to be grateful for everything he's given so he's a bit stuck. But if your DD sticks to her guns he might see sense and stay where he is, and the DPs can rent out through an agency. They'll just have to suck up some of the vagaries of renting to students (if that's what they're going to do).

Snorlaxo · 27/07/2025 16:19

Your dd doesn’t benefit from this arrangement. Not only will it cost more for council tax, travel etc I wouldn’t be confident that boyfriend is paying an equal share since it’s his family.
She should decline and find an alternative place to live as it sounds like her bf doesn’t want to upset his parents. If she takes this crappy offer for her and they end up together long term, I think that this will be the first of many bad “offers” that they make to her. Don’t be a doormat but if bf isn’t ready to say no to parents then that’s his baggage to deal with.

YesImaman1100 · 27/07/2025 16:32

NImumconfused · 26/07/2025 22:15

If they weren't consulted and it doesn't work for them, it's really not a 'nice thing'.

Show quote history

Exactly this.