To not invite dsiblings to wedding

[Magana]

There are 5 of us.

Around Christmas time I had a fallen out with two of my siblings. Mainly because they never make effort with my kids and then the final straw was finding out they did a Christmas dinner and excluded only me and my family.

I recently gave birth to third DC. Since the birth neither dsiblings have bothered to see DC let alone drop a text to just ask if we were both okay after the C-section. DC is now 5 months and still no effort has been made to visit. They have literally never seen DC/photo.

My wedding is coming up next year and I've delayed handing out invites because I've been warned by other dsiblings and dmum that if I don't include them I will be starting a fire (even though I know they won't come as they already told dmum).

Aibu to not even invite them because of the lack of care they've shown towards me and my new dc? Why should I have to entertain them by sending out an invite even though they have already announced they aren't going to accept? I feel like a lot of our family dynamic is always put on me to keep the peace, at the expense of my feelings. Other dsibling has warned me if I don't invite them I will regret it ect. I'm more so inclined to, rather than invite them, use the invite on more of dp's family that have actually been present in our lives and shown care. My only worry is that majority of my wedding will be made up of dp's family and not my own, which may be a bit questionable to his family.

I'd like to know what others would do in my shoes?

I have two siblings who make no effort. I would probably invite them but give them a short deadline to respond. That way you're not wasting spaces on them if they decline. Tempting though it is to leave them out, it probably isn't worth the backlash.

@Lanternsarenice one of the dsiblings literally refuses to communicate with me and won't respond to my messages, the other has blocked me. So I don't really see how I'd invite them regardless....

Seems to me the fire has already been started. Let it burn.

Looks like you've been given a way out then. Sounds like they'd put a downer on the day anyway. Wedding guests shoukd be people who are genuinely happy for you.

Could you have either a low key wedding with just two witnesses or elope then just invite the people you want to the party afterwards?

Personally I wouldn’t invite them. They seem to have already made their feelings clear by saying they wouldn’t attend. Also by excluding only you and your family from a Christmas dinner and not making an effort to even message after the birth of your baby.
I honestly wouldn’t waste my energy on them. As you say you can use the invites for dp’s family.

DH & his mum had a big falling out before we got married (she was an alcoholic and accused me of brainwashing him) and she never got an invite as we didn’t want her there - didn’t matter to us what other people thought and we had the most amazing day whereas if she was there, there were likely to be drama!

What happened in the “fall-out” who said what, to who? Maybe you were horrible them, and they are rightly pissed off? You’ve not been very clear.

I read a lot of these “X hasn’t bothered with my children” ..what this normally means is X hasn’t paid as much attention to your children as you like, as you think your children are the centre of the world (as we all do). Some people are not interested in other peoples children.

Did you ask why they want an invite if they won't come?

I think you'd send a card for a new nephew of niece at the very least.

@ExtraOnions I'm not precious like that and expect people to make their worlds based around my children. That's my job.

It was more so things like on the RARE occasions they did invite my DC out they would then stand them up or last minute cancel. Which meant me having to deal with emotional repercussions of DC feeling sad, let down, and excluded.

My DC love their DC and they get on really well. So it breaks my heart that my DC constantly asks after them and asks me why they haven't seen them in so long. I'm done covering for their downfalls. Yes I could go and take dsiblings children out (they love the free childcare and never say no) but I've become fed up of it constantly being one sided and me having to facilitate our families meeting by offering childcare.

Don’t invite them and enjoy your day. Life is too short for this crap.

Fuck them. They've already cut you off, make it official.

Stop discussing it with your shit stirring sibling.

They aren't dsiblings are they. They are just siblings.

Well they’ve blocked you and dont answer to your messages.
That's your way out - they’ve said very clearly they don’t want to be in contact with you and you’re respecting their wishes.

Dint invite them and have the people who care at your wedding.

If your mum or other siblings ask - just repeat in a loop. Your brothers have made it clear they don’t want contact. They’ve blocked you. So you’re respecting their wishes.
Thats it.
If someone asks why they’ve blocked you, shrug and say they’ll need to ask them. (Unless you have a clear idea and you want to pre empt crazy stories)

I don't see how you could make things any worse, at this stage - you already have no contact with them. I would not invite them and I would explain to anyone I felt I owed an explanation that I wasn't inviting them because I didn't want them to come.

My sister did it, be prepared it's a very strong message to come back from.

The fire has already happened, this is now embers. If you are never in contact with them then why would you contact them now for this? I think sometimes common sense and not family politics needs to win the day. Don't invite people you don't get along with, have essentially fallen out with, and who you don't actually want to come!

@shellinmypocket I don't see why I should endure backlash when they've already made it very clear they don't want to come?

@Lanternsarenice you would think! Despite the fall out I thought a level of care would still be there given the fact we are siblings. But apparently not

This. It seems silly to invite people you don't speak to!

Would you like to reconcile? If you do , Give them an invite and see what happens

I do feel that you are expecting too much. I'm not particularly interested in my siblings children either you seem to have made this a bigger issue than you need to and this has caused the fall out?

Enjoy your day without the hassle of siblings who show you no regard. Stick with people you value, and value you. It's not down to you to manage their feelings, you can't do that or change it. Don't give it another thought.

@Maddy70 I don't feel like it is unreasonable to expect someone to stick and see a plan through, especially if they've made it.

If they didn't bother in the first place that expectation wouldn't be there on my end.

But dsibling would literally make a fuss saying "oh I haven't seen X for ages and my kid wants to see them can we meet us?" So I would agree as my DC also wants to meet up. Dsibling would arrange a date and then pull out last minute leaving my DC upset.

Dsiblings defence is that they are "too busy" to meet up. But hey doesn't stop them from partying/drinking every night .... But that is a different story. I'm all for people doing what they want, just don't let down or hurt my kids!

Drop them a text, inviting them, giving them a time limit to rsvp. Show it to your dm as ‘evidence’ you’ve invited them, but, they won’t receive it as they’ve blocked you. Job done

What is wrong with the word 'sibling'?Leave the 'd' off 🙄

“ I don't really see how I'd invite them regardless....”

Put an invitation in the post. With an RSVP date. Then speak to your DM, say you’ve invited them but that you don’t expect them to come as they’ve said they won’t, and if you don’t hear from them by the reply date, end of story. You’ve kept your DM happy; siblings can’t say they’ve been excluded; moral high ground all yours.