To not invite dsiblings to wedding

[Magana]

There are 5 of us.

Around Christmas time I had a fallen out with two of my siblings. Mainly because they never make effort with my kids and then the final straw was finding out they did a Christmas dinner and excluded only me and my family.

I recently gave birth to third DC. Since the birth neither dsiblings have bothered to see DC let alone drop a text to just ask if we were both okay after the C-section. DC is now 5 months and still no effort has been made to visit. They have literally never seen DC/photo.

My wedding is coming up next year and I've delayed handing out invites because I've been warned by other dsiblings and dmum that if I don't include them I will be starting a fire (even though I know they won't come as they already told dmum).

Aibu to not even invite them because of the lack of care they've shown towards me and my new dc? Why should I have to entertain them by sending out an invite even though they have already announced they aren't going to accept? I feel like a lot of our family dynamic is always put on me to keep the peace, at the expense of my feelings. Other dsibling has warned me if I don't invite them I will regret it ect. I'm more so inclined to, rather than invite them, use the invite on more of dp's family that have actually been present in our lives and shown care. My only worry is that majority of my wedding will be made up of dp's family and not my own, which may be a bit questionable to his family.

I'd like to know what others would do in my shoes?

Post the invites. Put a very short RSVP on them.

Agree and I would put a note or similar saying if responses not given by a certain date we'll assume you can't come -only phrased better than this.

I have a similar issue with my sister. My final straw was yesterday. I threw a party for my twins 3rd birthday, she said she was coming. She didn’t turn up and didn’t even message to tell me. She has form for this and honestly my twins wouldn’t even recognise her if they saw her. I’m done. I have decided to cut her out and feel no remorse for doing so.
From what you’ve described there’s no relationship there for you to salvage. You need to focus on people who care and show up for you. They’re the people who matter.

We don't know who is responsible for the initial falling out but in a way that is irrelevant.

One of the siblings has blocked you, so you can't invite them anyway. They want no communications from you.

They have both told others they would not go even if you invite them without you coming up with some form of apology. That is entirely unreasonable. Anyone that tells you to give in and apologise is part of the problem.

When families break down like this the only way they can get back together is by agreeing to disagree and never to bring up what it was that caused the rift. If one side can't do that then the relationship is irreparable.

I had a falling out with my sister 13 years ago and we've not spoken since. I tried to contact her suggesting we park the issue to one side but she wasn't having any of it so we'll likely never speak again or play any part in each other's lives, which is fine by me and as far as I can tell is fine by her. Eventually you need to stop trying to repair the relationship and get on with your life.

You'll be drawing a very definite line in the sand if you don't invite them.
When I fell out very badly with my closest friend, I knew that if I didn't arrive at her father's funeral, that would demarcate the end of us ever speaking again. As much as I had no intention of resuming the friendship at the time, I like to live regret-free and so, attended.
In recent years we have found each other again and enjoy a different but great friendship.
Disowning family members is not a road to go down lightly especially when things are still raw and emotions heightened. If you have ever enjoyed a good relationship with them, be the bigger person and invite them. If they refuse to attend, it's on them.

I wouldn't invite them! It's not ok for you not to invite them but it's ok for them to get the chance to decline. Naw!!! Feck that.

Their behavior does not deserve a an invite!

Hey op do not back down they blocked you first so technically they caused this problem tell your mum it’s your day and your not inviting someone who has already said they wouldn’t come so why waste your time. I think it will just make them feel better knowing they let you down again. Don’t give them the satisfaction. They are not exactly nice people leaving you out at Christmas so they started the fire and that’s it. Why make your day about them they are not worthy of your time. Fuck them off. Enjoy your wedding with people you want there.

No I'm not forgetting they said that, and how can you be any more hurt when you already know the said that?
The point of extending the invite is to remove at least that opportunity for the to blame you for the lack of communication and relationship. I just wouldn't discuss it or them with any of the drame lamas in your famiky

Exactly the point I tried to make.

You probably made the point a bit more coherently or at least with better spelling!
My fingers really need to learn to type as fast as my brain thinks ( or I should learn to reread what I think I've written before posting!)

I would invite them but request an rsvp by the end of the week ' for planning purposes' and say a nil response will be treated as a no. That way you're not the bad guy.

We had exact same thing although we hadn’t really realised DH’s siblings weren’t actively talking to us ( we thought they were just busy living their life) we didn’t think there had been a ‘fallout’. we invited them to our wedding and heard from DH’s dad that they opened the invite and said well we won’t be coming . We never actually heard from them personally. Safe to say there has been no contact since, and fast forward a few years we are now no contact with DH’s narcissistic father. I never did find out what the ‘fallout’ was, we never said or did anything bad. But the whole family were self centred arrogant toxic people. Don’t invite them , they’ve chosen their path of blocking you, for whatever reason. They sound toxic. Ignore ignore ignore x

This.

Have a lovely wedding!

Exactly this. What does be the bigger person mean anyway? Enjoy your day they will only try and spoil it.

Obviously you didn’t read my edit? I didn’t see all OP’s subsequent posts initially.

Well that’s very easily solved with the “see all” button.

I really do not agree with all of these people pleasing posts telling you to invite them anyway.

Tell your mother the fire started long ago when they excluded you from family Christmas get togethers and ignoring the birth of their new niece/nephew is not something you are willing to overlook.

If they would like to come, the onus is on THEM to repair the ruptured relationship and you are open to meeting with them to discuss both sides. But given they have blocked you on all platforms you won’t be contacting them. Tell your invited siblings too. Put the ball firmly in their court.

Chances are you won’t hear from them, and you can get on and enjoy your day. If you do hear from them then a repair might be possible.

Your mother is being ridiculous, she shouldn’t be standing up for the two siblings, they have behaved so poorly.

It’s your day. No one is entitled to an invite.

Not really sure why you responded to a message of mine you did not read properly and then proceed to school me? Lady, you got too much time on your hands..

“School me”? 😆😆 WTF?

Why on earth would you invite these horrible people. If your family don't like it - tough. Family are a pain in the backside. My elder sister does not talk to me and has made it clear I am not welcome at her funeral. Happy days I don't have to go. I do not give one single fuck what anyone thinks about it when the time comes. Stop being a people pleaser, this is your wedding, you do not have to do anything you do not want to . Tell them to go fuck themselves. Stop all contact and enjoy your own little family and your inherited family.

What's wrong with being the bad guy. Why do people have to play nicey nicey. I personally tell them to go fuck themselves. No one has to put up with this shit. Remove them from your life. Trust me - life is so much better.

You have answered your own question - blocked?? don't fret it, enjoy your day xx🌹