To not invite dsiblings to wedding

[Magana]

There are 5 of us.

Around Christmas time I had a fallen out with two of my siblings. Mainly because they never make effort with my kids and then the final straw was finding out they did a Christmas dinner and excluded only me and my family.

I recently gave birth to third DC. Since the birth neither dsiblings have bothered to see DC let alone drop a text to just ask if we were both okay after the C-section. DC is now 5 months and still no effort has been made to visit. They have literally never seen DC/photo.

My wedding is coming up next year and I've delayed handing out invites because I've been warned by other dsiblings and dmum that if I don't include them I will be starting a fire (even though I know they won't come as they already told dmum).

Aibu to not even invite them because of the lack of care they've shown towards me and my new dc? Why should I have to entertain them by sending out an invite even though they have already announced they aren't going to accept? I feel like a lot of our family dynamic is always put on me to keep the peace, at the expense of my feelings. Other dsibling has warned me if I don't invite them I will regret it ect. I'm more so inclined to, rather than invite them, use the invite on more of dp's family that have actually been present in our lives and shown care. My only worry is that majority of my wedding will be made up of dp's family and not my own, which may be a bit questionable to his family.

I'd like to know what others would do in my shoes?

Just leave them to stew. You don't need the negativity. Ignore the pp trying to make you feel as though you're too demanding regarding your children, you're clearly not, it's normal for siblings to enquire about or congratulate a new niece or nephew.
If you're bothered you could ask your mum why they want an invitation if they've already said they won't attend. Mind games.

One sibling has already declared to DM that they won't be coming and the other one has threatened repercussions if you don't invite them? You won't be starting a fire OP, it's well and truly ablaze now. Your family sounds quite toxic and if the others are supporting these two you would be better off without them too.

You send out invites 6 weeks before. This is half a year at least away. This shouldn’t be a discussion at this stage. Id wait and see what happens this Christmas, if they don’t invite you again and you have yet another good reason. Why is this an issue now?

Why on earth are you calling them dsiblings when they're clearly not 'd' because you dont like them & they don't seem to like you

And its more to type which defeats the purpose of the whole 'd' nonsense

I definitely wouldn't invite them, they started it all by excluding you and your family. Sod them, they would be totally cut off by me, I would block them back. I would also be questioning the rest of the family who went along with the exclusion

Oh no. Both invitations got lost in the post.
What are the chances.

But you texted them to check they were definitely coming but didn't get a response. Oh no.

Anyway, have a lovely wedding.

I’ve seen many dilemmas like this on Mumsnet that essentially amount to “If I do X, they’ll be angry/upset, but if I do Y, they’ll be angry/upset about that too.” I always give the same advice - accept that they won’t be happy whatever you do and do what makes YOU happy instead.

If you invite your siblings, they either won’t come or will make a big production of making you wait for a response and then deciding to come at the last minute - probably with some patronising “We felt we had to for mum’s sake” guff thrown in. If you don’t invite them, they’ll sneer about how you think you’re too good for them, how this proves they were right all along about you and so on.

Neither is a good outcome - so make whichever choice you’d be happier with.

Why should op change her wedding plans because of a couple of siblings?

I wouldn’t . Why would you want to spend the day with people that don’t care ? They’ve made their choice , leave them to it ! It would just put you on edge all day .

Seriously? No one only decides who they’re inviting to their wedding six weeks in advance.

I think I’d go against the grain here and invite them (this presumes you aren’t having a tiny wedding or that by inviting them you’d have to leave someone else off the list).

Give them an invite with a RSVP date. If you hear nothing by then, they aren’t going.

Tell your mum they’ll be invited but she’s not to nag them to attend, you only want people at your wedding who want to be there.

let the RSVP date pass and tell your mum they didn’t accept the invite and you’re fine with them not being there if they don’t want to be.

If you don’t invite them, you’ll be the bad guy who didn’t invite them to your wedding. You are pretty certain they won’t go anyway, so it’s just cost you a stamp.

For your mother's sake, please invite them. It shows that you are the bigger person. If/when they don't respond or refuse to come, you will not have any what ifs hanging over your wedding and will be able to enjoy it with a clear conscience.

Personally I would just get married your 2 self's plus your kids and witnesses. Bugger the rest of them.

Do what you like! You asked on a public forum.

My opinion from my own experience is it's not something you can come back from so be certain you never want to speak to them again and your kids therefore won't!

I don't see why you should listen to your mother, who is obviously a shit stirrer.

If you don't want your siblings there, don't invite them and stop listening to your mother.

Plus really why is there obsession with dthis and dthat! Cringe

But no need to be discussing it at this point. It’s causing drama it doesn’t need. OP can be knowing what she’s doing without discussing it with her mum and sister to feed back.
let this next year play out, each bad move the siblings make only strengthens her case without being made to feel guilty in the build up. Play the long game.

If they don’t respond and one has blocked you then absolutely do not invite them!

Don’t invite them just for them to decline or not RSVP. You do have to be ok with this probably deepening rift but they sound like dicks.

We married (in the UK) some 500 miles from where the majority of my family live (I have no siblings). I knew full well that most of them would not come, but invited them all anyway (nearly 50 people). 4 came - the ones I was closest to. The others politely declined the invitations. I knew that the distance was too far and that the expense of staying for 2 or more nights too much. I probably would have declined a similar invitation myself.

Why did I do it? So that it didn't look as though I had deliberately excluded them. Mine is a family that turns out for local festivities and to exclude them would have left them feeling slighted. As it was, we all remain on excellent terms (those of us that are still here), make a point of meeting when we are around for holidays/weddings and people understand when I don't return to them for funerals.

So, Magna, as I see it, you have a choice to make here. Do you want to be the one to cause a family rift and by doing so, cause hurt to people you would rather not hurt, or do you want to keep a semblance of 'family' and include them in the invitation list, leaving them to cause the rift by not attending, if indeed it is inevitable (it might not be). It really is that simple.

This is the way forward.

Don't invite them, they've said they wouldn't attend anyway. I'd maybe send a note to them explaining exactly why you haven't invited them.
Wedding plans are stressful enough without this drama.

This.

Why should she, if that’s not what she wants?
Have the wedding you want and forget about your siblings who make it obvious that they don’t care for you at all.