Child coming over the fence to play at 7.35 am

[Wantmorenachosbutcant]

This morning as I was just coming into the kitchen to make coffee and breakfast for Dd, I opened the kitchen door to the garden and Dd was already out there (have told her not to go in the garden unless one of us is up and there in the morning) with her friend climbing over our fence to play (low fence, then climbs onto our garden bench-not dangerous)
Behind our house is her friends grandparents house, the mum had dropped her off at her mums, so she could presumably go early to work and her mum then takes her to a kids club later on, on her way to work (they leave around 9am)
and this friend had come to play
Aibu to think this is far too early?!
I like to sit quietly in the garden with my coffee in summer and just wake up..basically! They were on the trampoline, then I was having to tell her not to climb on the top step of the slide and jump off etc.
They weren’t particularly noisy, but I was aware that some people would still be in bed and so on
As I was washing up, I heard her shouting to her grandma about something and her shouting back that she could just stay for a bit until they had to go to the kids club place.
All the toys were everywhere and by 9 I felt really stressed, plus we were going out and I was trying to get Dd to get ready. I said to her afterwards it’s fine at weekends or a day after kids club/school, but not this early in the mornings again.

Aibu and a grumpy sod spoiling the fun or would this be as annoying to you as it was to me?

It's too early, but more to the point the grandma is basically farming her out to you. 'shouting back that she could just stay for a bit until they had to go to the kids club place.'? I don't think so!
If she turns up again, take her back and say to her grandma she isn't to come round so early. And if she asks why not or mithers, ignore it; you don't owe her an explanation.

If they were being quiet, I think it's fine, probably the neighbour didn't realise the playing was upsetting anyone. I live on a garden square where all the houses open onto the large garden, nobody else can get into it and it's safe. All the children play together almost every day when they're little. It's a Victorian street so this has been the norm for 100+ years. I love hearing them during the summers and it's a bit sad when each generation reaches the age to stop.
Now it's so rare for in the UK for children to self regulate and play out with no adults, I think people have forgotten how recently everyone did, even the tiniest if a big brother in or sister was mature enough to look out for them.

I’m gobsmacked that you’re ok with a 7 year old being able to leave the house whilst you’re still in bed TBH - it’s shocking! Get the patio door lock sorted asap.

YABU
What on earth are you waiting for? The other grandma to see sense? Won't happen unless you physically take the girl back home and TELL grandma that she is not to come over so early again.

Tbf your dd went out in the garden by herself early and the little girl came to see her friend. Tell dd she can’t go out in the garden first thing without you, and if friend comes over early when you are there, you can say, sorry it’s a bit early still having breakfast.

Just tell the child to go home and come back later, and make sure your door is locked so DD can't get out.

The harm is that they aren't supervised at all times at that hour and if the neighbours grandkid gets hurt the OP could find themselves getting sued because they were upstairs in bed. The kids are only not noisy by the OPs admittance when she is outside controlling the situation. Imagine if OPs 7 year old falls and breaks a wrist or something, it would raise concern if mum had to admit that the 7 year old girl goes outside to play in the morning whist mum sleeps.

No way are you unreasonable I'd have to speak to the grandparents and say it's far too early .. I couldn't be doing with that at that time in the morning ... surely everyone is just starting to come round I need a couple of cuppa teas before I want a conversation 😂

Kids need to play, even better when it’s outside in fresh air

Agreed. Too early in the morning. I have a blanket rule - no play out in the garden until at least 9am so the neighbours aren’t disturbed. You could apply the same to her, so there’s a clear rule and reason behind it. You could always fib and say someone complained about the noise they were making if you think it would be more impactful.

Good point. I think the timing is an issue but I am surprised by people being so shocked at a 7 year old being outside alone. She’s in her own garden, not wandering the streets which many of the 80s and 90s children were allowed to do…

You need to make it clear its not convenient or it'll keep happening. Take her back and say its too early for play time can you please not let her climb over.

Wow I can't believe what I'm reading here! So you'd rather your daughter stay inside and watch TV than play with another actual child?? WTAF is wrong with everyone. Since the pandemic everyone has gone mad. Most people will be up by 7.30am it's not a big deal.

She hasn’t ever left the house??)

Play date at 7:30 in the morning....feck that.

They've got all day to do that, if you don't parent and set boundaries what's to stop them both sneaking outside even earlier, nobody should have to listen to trampolines and screaming kids at the crack of dawn. You set the boundary that they can play outside once parents are up and agree it's ok.

They have all day to play outside! If boundaries aren't set then they could start sneaking out even earlier and unsupervised screaming and trampoline use at the crack of dawn would be unacceptable! People tend to like to stay up later at weekends and stay in bed longer so people would get pissed off if your kids are outside early doors everyday!
As said if one of these kids gets hurt in the OPs garden and the OP was upstairs in bed, questions would be asked about why they are unsupervised.

At my last house there was a family next door but one and it used to do my head in being outside and listening to the noise of that trampoline for hours on end and kids that permanently communicated by screaming and shouting! Too many parents just don't discipline kids for screaming anymore! I was in a beer garden the other Saturday evening for a meal with my partner, it was that time of day when adults are coming in for a few drinks but families were still in with kids on the play equipment and again the kids couldn't communicate without screeching and screaming at high volume and all the parents didn't care about anyone else trying to drink and being deafened. Kids cannot be allowed to just walk outside to play any time of the day or night whilst the adults are sleeping especially when so many are taught that screaming is an acceptable form of communication.

It’s not really, she’s been given an instruction and ignored it. Regardless of whether it’s the back garden or the street she wasn’t trusted to do as she’s told.
I’d of let them play for 10 mins while I made DD breakfast then said come in, sent friend home

I hate when people do this.

stop going back through peoples threads or asking have they posted before. Just let people talk about what’s currently on their minds. Honest to god.

Even in the 80s and 90s children weren't wandering the streets when parents were in bed.

Is the trampoline in the house then?

Depends where you live I think. In the 80s some children were sent to Sunday school so the parents could have a lie in.

I didn't go back through the threads I remembered it (i had a similar issue once). Lots of people gave OP advice last time and she point blank refuses to address the issue or do anything about it. I hate when people whinge about an issue they refuse to address but cest la vie!

In fact iirc mum dumps the child at grandmas on a regular basis, grandma can't be bothered to look after her either so in turn regularly encourages the dgc to go over the fence to op. Op refuses to address it despite the fact it's driving her (understandably) up the wall.