Child coming over the fence to play at 7.35 am

[Wantmorenachosbutcant]

This morning as I was just coming into the kitchen to make coffee and breakfast for Dd, I opened the kitchen door to the garden and Dd was already out there (have told her not to go in the garden unless one of us is up and there in the morning) with her friend climbing over our fence to play (low fence, then climbs onto our garden bench-not dangerous)
Behind our house is her friends grandparents house, the mum had dropped her off at her mums, so she could presumably go early to work and her mum then takes her to a kids club later on, on her way to work (they leave around 9am)
and this friend had come to play
Aibu to think this is far too early?!
I like to sit quietly in the garden with my coffee in summer and just wake up..basically! They were on the trampoline, then I was having to tell her not to climb on the top step of the slide and jump off etc.
They weren’t particularly noisy, but I was aware that some people would still be in bed and so on
As I was washing up, I heard her shouting to her grandma about something and her shouting back that she could just stay for a bit until they had to go to the kids club place.
All the toys were everywhere and by 9 I felt really stressed, plus we were going out and I was trying to get Dd to get ready. I said to her afterwards it’s fine at weekends or a day after kids club/school, but not this early in the mornings again.

Aibu and a grumpy sod spoiling the fun or would this be as annoying to you as it was to me?

She has the whole day to spend time with her

So?

Buy a lock? 🙄

This is such a British problem 😅 Where I come from (another European country) kids will not be marched back into the house for playing outside with a neighbour and for needing to know “better”. What a bizarre thing to be worried about. However, I do understand the culture is different and if it is problem for you then you should go and talk to the grandparent instead of stewing on an online forum.

Yep - mine is a little older but I’m also not seeing a massive issue. If they were being super loud maybe but otherwise 7:30 on a normal working day is hardly a time I’d expect it to be serene. It will depend a bit what your house/garden set up is but by that age they are capable of coming to get you if any issues and a couple playing together actually seems lots safer that one alone.

Its 7.30 not 6 am I dont think its unreasonable obviously if their being loud id be telling them but I would be doing that at anytime of day. Their kids let them play

Most of our street do this and it’s actually lovely. The kids will come into different gardens/houses different evenings to play, join each other for lunch or dinner without forward planning. We had kids from 3 different families join us yesterday over the course of the day and do some crafting, my two did a bit of trampolining at a neighbour and at one point a group of them set up a bit of gymnastics practice in the community garden at the top of the street.

I get our set up is a little unusual but I think it’s sad it’s not more normal as genuinely having a bit of a village and welcoming other kids to join in actually takes a lot of pressure off parents individually as we all take turns and it gets the kids interacting less with screens and more with people, which has to be a win.

Why does it make a difference it being 7:30 compared to 6?… Is that because you’re an early riser? 7:30 is early for most.

God me too!

Most people work and or have children most people are up at 7.30.

Do you cut your lawn at 7:30?

I dont but I wouldn't be offended by someone who did its 7.30 that is not early.

I’m not sure it’s an issue playing outside that early if not screaming etc, but your house- your rules and you need to enforce them if that’s what you want.

I’d have more of an issue with the 7 yr old friend appearing uninvited and being unsupervised in your garden- you are fully responsible for her whilst in your garden so I would be saying it’s not in unless a prearranged play date at a reasonable time.

I think people are being a bit hard on you OP. It was first thing on a morning and you were met by a surprise. Now you've had time to think about it, you can sit down with your daughter and explain your boundaries.

My kids aged 9 and 6 found the back door keys, went into our back garden, scaled a 6ft gate (so changing your fence to 6ft may not solve your problem) and I found them at 7.30am playing in our front garden. I had no idea that was going on and that fact still scares the crap out of me.

We sat down afterwards and explained to them both how dangerous all that was. But until they've pushed a boundary kids don't necessarily know that something's not ok. And sometimes you, as a parent, can't predict what they're going to do.

As for other people's kids, we're the strict parents locally and have had rumours spread that we're abusive because are kids aren't let allowed out at all hours, so I get the reluctance of people to be seen as strict.

Kids around here are regularly out on bikes in the middle of the road at all.times of day from age 5 years upwards. One neighbour has a child that sings karaoke loudly and out of tune with a large amp any time from 7am to 11pm in their garden ("She's going to be a singer.") A trampoline would be a blissful sound in comparison.

The parents of all these kids tell everyone what great / hippie / gentle / relaxed / understanding parents they are. I did, for a while, copy them because I'm trying to learn how to be a good parent. But then, after nearly knocking a kid off a bike driving down my road when he swerved off the pavement oblivious, I realised it wasn't keeping any of these kids safe and I didn't want my kids to end up hurt. So now, we're the strict "abusive" parents with boundaries. This thread surprises me as we're very much the anomaly with our boundaries.

Ok rant over.

OP, I'd work out what your boundaries are and then sit down to discuss them with your daughter. And then see those boundaries through if the neighbours granddaughter appears over the fence at 7.30am again. Just explain it's too early for your family.

My neighbour lets her kid out at 7.30am to holler at her friend who lives at the back of her. She then goes back in around 8 having woken up my Daughter and probably the other neighbours who have been working all week and would've might liked a lie in. It's annoying. Put a stop to it.

Yanbu, just put a clear boundary down about it - no friends round to play before 9am (or whenever). Make sure your daughter and friend both understand this.
If she turns up again just pleasantly say “remember Sophie we don’t have friends round to play here until after 9, see you later!”

I would be pissed off… each to their own.

The actual point from the OP is that she wants a chill morning waking up, and be a respectful neighbour by shushing them.

Not sure I’d want to be your neighbour.

I agree, that's really rude of the parent/grandparent to allow that.

Tbh I'd be far more concerned my child is going into the garden by themself at that time. My children are 6&7 and know the rules in the morning, no garden till 9am weekdays 10am weekends. They can spend the entire day out there if they choose to, after those hours.

Id be extremely worried that if the other child climbed over so easily, your child could do the same before anyone's awake or watching her. You need a better lock for your door.

Just talk to the neighbour who will probably be understanding, and in no way blame her child. And your DD of course separately.

@Wantmorenachosbutcant if o seen a child out alone in the garden at that time I’d assume it was ok .
Your first issue is your Dd was out and you didn’t know .
If you address that then maybe the child wouldn’t have came over .

I think 7.30 is too early but then I wouldn’t let me child out at that time either , to waken up the neighbours or ruin their peaceful morning.

have told her not to go in the garden unless one of us is up and there in the morning

You have specifically told her not to do this but she is doing it anyway?!

I think you need to revisit your house rules, it's pointless saying, 'no, you can't go outside without an adult', 'no, you can't play here in the morning with my daughter' if you have absolutely no intention of seeing any of them through!

Ah, so only two possible options??

Otherwise, I guess you’re unwilling to accompany your child when they’re playing outside and prefer others to do all the parenting whilst you’re sat indoors on your screen then. 🤷🏻‍♀️

At 7.30am I 100% think my children should be inside 😂
Not outside while I am still in bed and not aware of where they are and what they're doing
Not pissing the whole street off bouncing on the trampoline
And definitely not inviting the neighbour children to climb over the fence!

It would probably drive me mad, but reading it made me smile because there's something very Beryl the Peril or Minnie the Minx about it. In a world where kids rarely seem to play out anymore I like the old school charm of it.