To ask for help over my children's behaviour

[Imissgoldengrahams]

I can't lie I'm at my wits end. I have 4 children
In the past 24 hours my 8 year old has stolen money out of my suitcase (Not long back from holiday so haven't unpacked) and gone over to the shop and got sweets
She took pens upstairs and has drawn all over her pillow and her sheet.

Two days after we got back from holiday she had a friend in the house to play, she let this kid through her brand new lego (from the aforementioned holiday) out of the window and now the bits are lost and you can't build it back up

Another friend she has, will come in and take everything out of her cupboard, on hangers and my daughter just let's her, they chuck the clothes about her room. So I've banned her from coming bsck in

They found my partners permanent marker (by going through his work bag) and they've drawn all over our kitchen chairs with their names and various numbers

I'm really struggling, I don't know what to do. They go out to play and they end up throwing stones at the house, so they get grounded.

They hit each other all of the time, they kick and spit at each other or on the walls

I don't know what to do anymore. If I ask why they've done something, I just get 'dunno'

Ok but grounding them and then what.

have you gone over the rules for the house.
ground in is the final step. What are the preliminary steps.

what are the benefits for good behaviour. The best way with one instigator is to get the other 2 onside with benefits for good behaviour or letting you know about bad behaviour etc.

when 8 yo doesn’t have an audience or conspirators it will get boring and become the one whose behaviour is ruining a good time for others.

are they bored or having too much unsupervised time. They throw Lego’s, so no more Lego and it’s removed from their room. nor can they borrow sibling Lego’s.

start offer incentives for good behaviours. Extra time at the park etc, but make sure they are activities out the house. (For free)

Not helpful but just like go say having 2 both slightly feral that I sympathise OP. I’m glad I stopped at 2 because it’s hard!

These kids don't need to be grounded, they need to be taken out and exercised. Grounding is only a thing for older children who can go out by themselves.

This is the issue. Having them cooped up with low supervision all day is a recipe for disaster even with the best behaviour in the world.

it’s too much temptation, they’re still children. Unfortunately this is not adequate childcare. Kids that age should be outside everyday preferably even in the rain.

they are bundles of energy and curiosity they need to opportunity to work those muscles.

yes they need a behaviour chart as well and learning to be ok with being bored is a skill. But being kept at home day in day out isn’t a
fair deal either

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for punishing kids when they misbehave but alongside this you've got to ask yourself if they were set up for failure. If the answer is yes then you need to figure out how to change things.

This isn't a child problem it's a supervision problem. They are cooped up all day in the house with a disabled carer. It's hardly surprising they are kicking off.

Two children need to be at summer camp or organised sports courses every week. And yes, you have to drive 40 minutes to get them there. The other two need focused activities such as library reading trail, baking, cinema, park, swimming, etc.

If you can't afford the activities of decent childcare, you need to plan in advance for next year. Week off with mum, week's family holiday, week off with dad, then paid for activities.

To be fair if either of mine had behaved like that, I'd have sold them on the Internet. (Weak joke!).

Bloody discipline them! Find something they do care about and take it away. Treats and outings are behaviour dependent. Don't behave, you stay home with a babysitter and everyone else goes without you.

My kids arses would glow if they behaved like that.

Take everything out of her wardrobe and put it somewhere else for a start.

What does 'grounding' look like in your house?

They don’t seem to be going on outings anyway though, that’s part of the problem. They’re misbehaving because they’re stuck at home all week, supervised by someone who can’t take them out anywhere due to a disability.

Mine are almost the same ages. They need to get out of the house. Mine will scrap if they're home all day.

Find free museums (they'll have accessibility info on the website for your family member).
Make a list of all the playgrounds in a certain radius of your house and get the kids to visit and rate each one out of 10. We're four parks down at the moment with various ratings.
Set the time bomb timer video on YouTube and get them tidying up. They all get a small reward if everything on the list is done by the time the bomb explodes.

Do not tolerate disrespect, rudeness and damage to your property. That comes with certain consequences and you stand firm on it.
Your 8 year old seems to think she can just tell you/the supervising adult that she's going out to play rather than asking? That's something I would address asap.

Do they do anything with the children? Or leave them to run riot?

Are they able to do anything with them?

Otherwise, I'm sorry but your childcare isn't working or sufficient

Going 'out' isn't the answer. Not everyone can do that

However - do you have a garden?

They need activities, some structured play and engagement

Do they get that?

And how does your relative cope with 4 of those ages?

sounds like they need exercise and stimulation outside of the house, long walks/bike rides? These things don't cost money, they sound bored senseless and are acting up accordingly.

Honestly I disagree, kids needs to go out, they need a change of scenery one way or another. We all do or else we would go crazy.

In my experience just getting out is the universal reset button for kids, it’s natures “switch it off and on again” button. If you can’t take your kids out then you need to find a way for that to happen.

Wow I am sorry to learn your at wits end and I can assure you although I am now a grandmother of 5. We all have had our moments.
Is their a Christian holiday camp. Look up Christian west Runton holidays. This place is amazing. Shows them team working, teaches respect and they have a tent leader and have a blast. Its for 8 plus. The best is yet to come and they do a grant system where you can apply for a grant so they go free if you reach criteria and at crisis point. I really would recommend she goes here. I know its only a week but if she goes every year like one of mine it becomes part of her life. The other thing local here is a Christian youth club. Its costs £1 and they do pizza night and make them, films, and games etc.
Contact local churches and explain as you did to us and see if theyve something on offer. You dont need judgement , you need someone to come along side you to say it will get better and show you a different way.

For some kids it really is a need. I remember just after last Christmas being really jealous of a friend telling me how they spent Boxing day in PJs with kids watching Christmas films because that simply isn't an option for us. They have to be really ill with the right sort of illness to cope with a day stuck in the house.

They sound bored and without boundaries.
They need to be outside every day, it doesn’t have to cost anything, long walks, the park, the woods are all free. At home you can do stuff to burn off energy like the floor is lava, skipping ropes, football, frisbee etc. i know it’s tiring but its really important for development to move their bodies.

I don’t think the OP mentioned that they’re Christians.

You dont have to be a Christian to go to a Christian camp at West Runton or be a Christian to attend a church ran youth club.
They are simply non just mental places of recommendation

So there is no element of religious teaching/activities at them at all?

They don't need to be. My local church has a morning holiday club £4 a session. Don't have to be religious to attend and no other holiday club comes close price wise. It's worth checking with churches for summer activities.

Yes of course there is but you don't need to be a Christian to go.

I meant non judgemental places 😆

The point is that if the OP’s children are Muslim, for example (or insert any other religion, or atheist…) they may not want their children taking part in Christian teaching/activities.