Fed up of my cousins comments about benefits and UC

[glassor2]

I’m a single mum of two kids, ages 13 and 5. My older son has a relationship with his dad, but my younger son’s dad moved away a couple of years ago and doesn’t see him often-usually once or twice a year. He doesn’t provide any financial support, and since he moves around for work (he used to live in Canada and now lives in Australia), it has been challenging to get child maintenance to chase him.

I work 3-4 days a week (sometimes more if there’s overtime available) and receive a top up from UC. My mum occasionally helps with child care, but she also has a full time job. It can be difficult handling everything on my own, but I manage.

Anyway, I have a family member I'm quite close to, and she often makes comments, not aimed at me, but towards people who claim UC. For example, she mentioned that it's unfair for her to pay almost £300 a month in tax while others can work part time and avoid paying anything (I don’t earn enough to pay tax) and that she has to pay more to subsidise the people that don't. She even told the entire family that she pays almost £400 a month, including national insurance, which made things awkward and nobody knew what to say.

From what I know, she doesn't earn a huge wage, so I can see why it would be frustrating for her to have to pay that much. It's a lot of money. However, it's not our fault, and if she's upset, her anger should be directed at the government, not at those who are rightfully claiming.

Everyone’s situation is different, and some people need help. I never chose to be a single parent, and I can't control the fact that my ex chose to leave and decided not to support his child financially. I'm doing my best, just like many others on UC are.

I don't think she's intentionally trying to upset me, but she is.

AIBU? How do I tackle this?

The entitlement and hand-wringing acceptance that minimum wage jobs should need to be topped up with benefit subsidies at all is astounding

it's not our fault, and if she's upset, her anger should be directed at the government, not at those who are rightfully claiming.

Not even directed at the government.

Parents should be made to be more accountable for their own children. Don't have them and then walk away from the financial responsibility for them.

My ex paid very little for his DC’s once he moved on with his OW. The tax payer paid child care so that I could work. Why? He earned what he had always earned and more…it infuriated me that the tax payer was landed with part responsibility for his children.

Also tell them they won’t be entitled to a state pension until they’re in the 70s if at all where as you will, best way to wind up tax payers.

Except OP's cousin is not paying as she des not earn enough herself.

So true.

Our society does not value low paid jobs, we consider them to be bottom of the heap. DC is waiting for GCSE results and so many people have said to them that they need to work hard "or you'll end up working in a shop/on a bin wagon/as a cleaner". It implies there is no dignity in those jobs and it's the paradox at the heart of our society, the jobs that are most vital are least respected. Even the term 'unskilled' that is frequently applied to these roles totally disregards the expertise, judgement, and effort required in what can often be complex tasks. There's a huge disparity present in these job roles too in terms gender, class, and race which further reduces their value and respectability as many of these workers are statistically more likely to be female, working class, or from an ethnic minority (or a combination of all three).

Not everyone wants to be a CEO or has the academic skills to be a doctor, we can't have a nation comprised entirely of high-fliers because it would quickly grind to a halt without the people doing the work at the bottom. There is nothing inherently wrong about being "just" a shop assistant or "only" a carer.

We should be privileging contribution rather than prestige.

I have a child who is 5 and work full time. Breakfast and after-school club, flexible hours make it work. What's your point?

@XenoBitch School leavers don't even get the full minimum wage.
You don't get that until you're 21.
It annoys me that someone age 20 and someone aged 21 could start the same job on the same day with the same level of experience - but one gets paid more.

If the minimum wage actually covered costs there'd be no need for top ups

Yes I was referring to the post about commenters being wankers.

Yes but people on nmw also pay tax

Well, it isn’t fair. The state should not be subsidizing shit dads who disappear. Sounds like you’re doing your bit, but both dads should be made to pay half of their offsprings’ costs until they’re 21. Simple. Do it through tax/NI, make it enforceable internationally and there you go - massive welfare bill saving. I never understand why people vilify single mums. It’s the errant sperm donors who should be named, shamed and ostracized.

Jobs with flexible hours are hard to come by.

You’re doing a fine job juggling brining up kids alone and working. I bet you’re shattered. I’ve been where you are twenty years ago. Two disabled kids under 10 and their dad up and leaves. No income from him for years. I worked was on top up benefits and it was second hand clothes, shoes and birthday presents for years. Each year they got one main Christmas present under £50. I know many kids who got far more. Now they are grown, still dependant on me but I am now a 40% tax payer. So I give back to those who need it. To all the misery guts on this thread, I hope you n red er end up in similar circumstances. It can happen to anyone.

Yeah, sorry, I meant that people have said that NMW jobs are for school leavers only... and that adults in them should be shamed.

I agree though... NMW should be the same no matter your age.

But you could obviously afford a childminder. Surely you’re not so dense as to not be able to see the difference?

And a lot of people in NMW getting top ups are doing so to cover housing costs... which have got silly.

If the top-ups ended then poverty would increase, this would lead to a rapid deterioration in public health, a sharp increase in crime, various services would collapse due to being overwhelmed by demand (not to mention the loss of many of their workers). Basically, the country would rapidly go to shit. You'd have a small percentage of extremely wealthy people who would go untouched by it all, a slightly larger percentage of higher earners slightly affected ted but mostly fine, and then a majority percentage of people living in grinding poverty with all the problems that go alongside.

Essentially, a return to "the olden days" that existed for most of history until c.100 years ago when people started to realise that it benefits society as a whole to support those less well-off and help lift them out of poverty.

There's also the assumption that people doing these jobs aren't qualified (which you've made yourself - although I agree with your post of course).

I've got a degree and have mostly worked as a self-employed cleaner or massage therapist for the past 20 years. I think it's a little bit patronising to say that these jobs require expertise (the cleaning not the massage!). It's a bit noblesse oblige.

@allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld I’m sorry that you and your husband can’t afford to retire but that’s not because you are paying taxes. Perhaps you should’ve budgeted better when you were younger?

Think it through.

You tackle it by telling her to stop with the pointed comments and fuck right off.

Lesson learned in over-sharing.

Nobody needs to know what benefits you are or aren't on.

@MugsyBalonz Some on this thread would love that. Then they could decide who deserved charity, or condemn those they felt were less deserving to penury, smug in the knowledge that their husbands will pick up any financial deficit in their own lives.

Work harder! Pull yourself up by your bootstraps! Use a crystal ball to determine the feckless fathers in advance!

Fucking idiots.

Your husband is probably still working at the age of 72 to get away from you and your nasty mouth!

Don't be ridiculous. You think the average Reform voter gives a damn about forcing feckless dads from meeting their responsibilities? Nor their twice divorced, tax-avoiding father of four leader, Farage? I guess they wouldn't be bothered about keeping children in poverty though; those pesky five year old spongers, eh?

We all cut our cloth accordingly. Good we still have the benefits system, to help...it's going soon to be taken over and emptied