Fed up of my cousins comments about benefits and UC

[glassor2]

I’m a single mum of two kids, ages 13 and 5. My older son has a relationship with his dad, but my younger son’s dad moved away a couple of years ago and doesn’t see him often-usually once or twice a year. He doesn’t provide any financial support, and since he moves around for work (he used to live in Canada and now lives in Australia), it has been challenging to get child maintenance to chase him.

I work 3-4 days a week (sometimes more if there’s overtime available) and receive a top up from UC. My mum occasionally helps with child care, but she also has a full time job. It can be difficult handling everything on my own, but I manage.

Anyway, I have a family member I'm quite close to, and she often makes comments, not aimed at me, but towards people who claim UC. For example, she mentioned that it's unfair for her to pay almost £300 a month in tax while others can work part time and avoid paying anything (I don’t earn enough to pay tax) and that she has to pay more to subsidise the people that don't. She even told the entire family that she pays almost £400 a month, including national insurance, which made things awkward and nobody knew what to say.

From what I know, she doesn't earn a huge wage, so I can see why it would be frustrating for her to have to pay that much. It's a lot of money. However, it's not our fault, and if she's upset, her anger should be directed at the government, not at those who are rightfully claiming.

Everyone’s situation is different, and some people need help. I never chose to be a single parent, and I can't control the fact that my ex chose to leave and decided not to support his child financially. I'm doing my best, just like many others on UC are.

I don't think she's intentionally trying to upset me, but she is.

AIBU? How do I tackle this?

If only I'd known that he'd fuck off with someone else 7 years after DD was born I might have thought twice about having a child but, alas, the crystal ball failed to show me that part of my future.

Absolutely!
I used to work in a min wage job, but lived alone in a decent flat and had a nice life. No top ups.
Times have changed so much. People doing those vital jobs still deserve a nice life.

On MN, anyone in a NMW is told to up-skill, or move somewhere cheaper. We NEED people in the low paid jobs, and some people are not capable of more anyway. They deserve more than living in a grotty HMO and living off beans and toast, and being told they are not trying hard enough.

I agree with you too

I get what you’re saying, but don’t forget some of us are funding all this and getting just a little bit fed up.

Absolutely, me too. I'm a high earner and like seeing the tax contribution on my payslip. I don't want kids growing up in poverty. People need to look at who's whipping people up to feel angry about single mothers claiming benefits, people seeking asylum, disabled people. Often it's the very wealthy, who want us punching down not up.

Exactly, more needs to be done to ensure absent fathers pay for their child's needs, rather than the taxpayer.

My mum always used to moan when I was younger that 'Dad is supporting another family', for a bit I thought he actually had another family, then realised she meant that he was supporting the costs of another family. Why should some people support their own family whilst some others don't even support their own family.

I agree with every word of this up to "entitlement as a boomer", being a boomer myself!

Only on his earnings, SP is not high enough to be taxed yet.

You've got absolutely nothing to feel bad about. Your family member is small-minded and ignorant and doesn't seem to understand that this is an example of state support functioning as it should - to enable you to parent your children AND work without being reduced to penury.

You don't owe them an explanation - maybe the next time they mention it ask them what they actually know about economics.

There always is when UC is involved. Ffs people who earn nmw are still entitled to UC but let me guess, they should get higher paid jobs?! Ok so who then does the care work etc which is all minimum wage?

But op's benefits aren't taxed like state pension is. They would both get the same personal allowance yet state pension would be counted and benefits aren't.

If I work Monday - Friday, it’s 10:06am on Wednesday before I actually get to keep any of the money I earn. It’s not exactly incentivising.

Oh just ignore her. Raising DC alone and running a household on a single salary is nigh on impossible these days unless you're a high earner with flexible hours.
Even if you worked full time you'd still likely be entitled to help. Then you would get more child care paid for instead and the cost to the tax payer would be the same 🤷.

So what?

It’s pretty obvious it’s the people who pay for it who get annoyed.

This. A million times this!

All of the people expressing their displeasure at UC firstly need to walk a mile in others shoes and also direct their energy towards engaging with politicians to effect social change. Learn how the system works. Attend public meetings. Respond to public consultations. Write to your M.P. or go to their surgery. Create or contribute to petitions and campaigns. Be proactive. Vote. It is thought that if everyone voted in the U.K. then politicians would be more accountable and issues like social / welfare etc. would receive more attention.

Exactly, you've got a partner. OP is a single parent so she can't just work full time as easily as you

If she pays £400 in tax & NI, she probably earns about £30k, and has a take-home of £2000. I can see why she feels dispirited as it is an absolute grind working full-time.

For comparison - what is your take-home (with the UC top up included)? Comparing side by side might help to bring empathy to the situation - either you towards her, or vice-versa.

I have seen people on here say that NMW should be school leavers only.

And while you're all squabbling, all the country's money and assets are being transferred to the super rich without you noticing.

Exactly.

Though, can you look into apply for child maint?
I haven't read the whole thread so this may have been answered. Your ex shouldn't be allowed to abandon his financial responsibilities.

Also, I agree with a previous commenter, show visibly how boring she really is.

Yawn, even the people who feel they are carrying the burden really aren't, most people are struggling.

I know. The fucking ignorance on this thread is astounding

No, not always. But quite often they do.

And then there will be no welfare state so all those people complaining about subsidising the poor had better never become ill.

Also,the benefits system isn't out of control....it has never been more difficult to get benefits since the welfare state was created.