Fed up of my cousins comments about benefits and UC

[glassor2]

I’m a single mum of two kids, ages 13 and 5. My older son has a relationship with his dad, but my younger son’s dad moved away a couple of years ago and doesn’t see him often-usually once or twice a year. He doesn’t provide any financial support, and since he moves around for work (he used to live in Canada and now lives in Australia), it has been challenging to get child maintenance to chase him.

I work 3-4 days a week (sometimes more if there’s overtime available) and receive a top up from UC. My mum occasionally helps with child care, but she also has a full time job. It can be difficult handling everything on my own, but I manage.

Anyway, I have a family member I'm quite close to, and she often makes comments, not aimed at me, but towards people who claim UC. For example, she mentioned that it's unfair for her to pay almost £300 a month in tax while others can work part time and avoid paying anything (I don’t earn enough to pay tax) and that she has to pay more to subsidise the people that don't. She even told the entire family that she pays almost £400 a month, including national insurance, which made things awkward and nobody knew what to say.

From what I know, she doesn't earn a huge wage, so I can see why it would be frustrating for her to have to pay that much. It's a lot of money. However, it's not our fault, and if she's upset, her anger should be directed at the government, not at those who are rightfully claiming.

Everyone’s situation is different, and some people need help. I never chose to be a single parent, and I can't control the fact that my ex chose to leave and decided not to support his child financially. I'm doing my best, just like many others on UC are.

I don't think she's intentionally trying to upset me, but she is.

AIBU? How do I tackle this?

E

@MuckFusk I ask myself the same question, but the thing is for ‘some’ it all comes down to hard cash and if you are low earning and in some cases not actually that capable of bettering yourself and like lots of time to yourself and around your family , ‘some’ are not hugely worse off by not upping the ante , especially if they have children , are renting in a cheaper area or social housing , sometimes getting maintenance on top of full benefits or high levels of benefit and in some cases getting other allowances on top too - I remember once playing around with this on entitled to , as had a worker who seemed very intent that only ever wanted xyz number of hours due to benefits and indeed as a single parent she was very little better off overall working 28 hours than she was 14 - so I couldn’t really blame her. I’m not saying she wouldn’t be better off but it worked out about £30 week . Clearly the £30 week wasn’t enough to be that tempting - maybe things have changed, this was back in 2017 -

I think when benefits become part of the equation a lot of perfectly decent people do get quite hard nosed about it in relation to working. For those who have never been in that position and often still in couples I think it’s hard to fathom why certain choices kick in that aren’t always the best thing in the long run but you do what is needed for self preservation at the time.

I see comprehension isn’t your strong point.
There was no suggestion that self-employed people were deadbeats. It’s about risk analysis and the risk is too high for me personally
You do you, Hun

I don't disagree with you there.

Shriek and froth, yes. Shriek with laughter that you have absolutely nothing to say and are desperately trying to demean me in an attempt to silence me. 😂

I'd hazard a guess you're in the habit of projecting, using ad hominems and attempting at all times to deflect, derail and demean because you have nothing to add.

Oh, and not that it's your concern (at all) because people can (gasp horror, write a comedy sketch about it!) have insights and intelligent observations to make whatever their walk in life, I grew up in the late 70s/80s in Scotland.

If you assume that's a lie, that's just more projection I'm afraid.

You've nothing to say, so don't bother . 😂

@MuckFusk yep, I do understand the underlying reasons in lots of cases - I’m not sure though what the heck the solution is - what I will say is it will come home to roost for some the minute their children hit adults and the add ons and any maintainance stops- there then becomes a very big difference between working and not . Benefits for single people with no kids are incredibly low level unless getting add ons for disability etc

Gosh this is very judemental don't you think? I have a DC that is 10. I would like to think nobody would judge me if I were to meet a loving kind man and decided to have another baby. Some people need to think before commenting on threads...

So you're saying anybody who has had a child with more than one man is
what exactly? Are you slut shaming by any chance?

I don't know how it is in the UK, but my adult daughter is on disability in Canada and it's not enough to live on. So she lives with me. It works out well for us as we are company for each other but I know she would love to be more independent.

Probably a male poster!

We would all judge you favorably that you’d managed to find one they’re like hens teeth

Crikey, simmer down love. Touchy much?

I stand corrected re where and when you grew up (although I am now even more astonished you can't seem to distinguish socialism from communism), but I stand by the rest. This is a discussion forum and disagreement is part and parcel of discussion. If you perceive disagreement as an 'attempt to silence', that's not my problem. The guess you've hazarded re my posting habits is incorrect, and you're welcome to try to point out where I've attempted to 'deflect' or 'derail' on this thread to any greater extent than you've been doing, because you won't be able to.

Yes, I've shown derision towards your statements on here and I stand by that because I think they are ridiculous. If you don't want people to do that, it'd be helpful to express yourself in a more reasoned manner.

Some people on this thread are laughing at some of the views you've expressed because they consider them to be laughable. If you're going to make sweeping statements (some of them based on the opinions of some random American friend fgs?!) and not bother to back them up, you run the risk that people may do that. If you want your opinion taken seriously, you need to express it in a reasoned way. And 'nothing to say' because I chose to express derision for a viewpoint I consider derisory? OK, then. chuckles quietly to self I really don't think I'm the one who's 'desperate' to prove any kind of point here.