Fed up of my cousins comments about benefits and UC

[glassor2]

I’m a single mum of two kids, ages 13 and 5. My older son has a relationship with his dad, but my younger son’s dad moved away a couple of years ago and doesn’t see him often-usually once or twice a year. He doesn’t provide any financial support, and since he moves around for work (he used to live in Canada and now lives in Australia), it has been challenging to get child maintenance to chase him.

I work 3-4 days a week (sometimes more if there’s overtime available) and receive a top up from UC. My mum occasionally helps with child care, but she also has a full time job. It can be difficult handling everything on my own, but I manage.

Anyway, I have a family member I'm quite close to, and she often makes comments, not aimed at me, but towards people who claim UC. For example, she mentioned that it's unfair for her to pay almost £300 a month in tax while others can work part time and avoid paying anything (I don’t earn enough to pay tax) and that she has to pay more to subsidise the people that don't. She even told the entire family that she pays almost £400 a month, including national insurance, which made things awkward and nobody knew what to say.

From what I know, she doesn't earn a huge wage, so I can see why it would be frustrating for her to have to pay that much. It's a lot of money. However, it's not our fault, and if she's upset, her anger should be directed at the government, not at those who are rightfully claiming.

Everyone’s situation is different, and some people need help. I never chose to be a single parent, and I can't control the fact that my ex chose to leave and decided not to support his child financially. I'm doing my best, just like many others on UC are.

I don't think she's intentionally trying to upset me, but she is.

AIBU? How do I tackle this?

You either want to maintain a certain lifestyle, or neither of you made provisions for retirement. In either case, you are both choosing to work. You are making it sound you are being forced to work to fund OP's UC.

You wont get a medal for being a martyr, and no one on their death bed has uttered that they wished they worked more.

Ignore the nasty comments OP. I pay loads more tax than £400 and Im happy to do so. Not everyone is lucky enough to be in high paying employment and looking after kids whilst working full time in low paid jobs is almost impossible. I gladly pay a bit more tax so that people leas fortunate can get support when they need it. Doesn’t sound like you’re abusing the system to me. Well done on making it work for your family. Don’t listen to your friend xx

Ignore the nasty comments OP. I pay loads more tax than £400 and Im happy to do so. Not everyone is lucky enough to be in high paying employment and looking after kids whilst working full time in low paid jobs is almost impossible. I gladly pay a bit more tax so that people leas fortunate can get support when they need it. Doesn’t sound like you’re abusing the system to me. Well done on making it work for your family. Don’t listen to your friend xx

This. And if you are on UC, you thank the support system and accept that you are living off hardworking taxpayers. Don't be unreasonable and whine about it.

A single mum working full time would get a lot of their childcare paid for by UC

But the maintenance is payable for the children, so why would it be a disincentive ?

Or child benefit that I’m sure the cousin is receiving….
So the ‘I’m not getting any help unlike these scroungers’ doesn’t even work.

100% with you. So do I and Im happy it supports people who need it. I hope it will be there for me if god forbid I end up in a situation where I need support.

Perhaps people shouldn’t have kids they can’t afford with feckless, irresponsible men…

'A bit silly' is quite the understatement!

Very many claimants of UC are hardworking taxpayers. Or did you not realise that in lots of cases benefit claimants are also paying tax ?

It is a choice though. You would get help with childcare costs which would cover 85% of the total you pay. Your choosing to work part time and blaming it on not having help

OP is not whining about it.
She posted on here asking how she can stop her cousin making shitty comments about it.

Believe me, those of us on UC just want to get on with our lives and not have other people bringing it up.

Look at the ages quoted. They’re boomers. The generation who had it all.

She’s right it’s not fair, but she’s only paying £5k tax herself and so is being heavily subsidised.

These are my thoughts too.

We need people in lower paid jobs as they're most frequently the jobs that keep the gears of society turning. Shop workers, delivery drivers, carers, learning support assistants/teaching assistants, cleaners, waste management workers, etc are all low paid but all essential to the running of vital day to day services. Wages need to be subsidised so that people can fill these roles and be able to afford to live. In an ideal world, a minimum wage job would be enough to support a family to live a respectable, poverty-free, lifestyle but we don't live in an ideal world and so top-ups are needed.

I hope your cousin won’t find herself in a position where she’ll have to rely on UC.
Because her dh has left her or died. Because she or her dh got ill/disabled etc….

The welfare system is there to support people when life goes bonkers. It happens.

What your cousin grumbles about - that even working full time, with two wages - it can be hard to be living ‘well’, this is an issue with low wages. The fact many of us dint get a living wage p. Blame companies making huge profits on the back of workers and customers. Blame the government. Punching down has never helped.

Learn to let the comments go over your head or just change the subject. My parents are constantly going on about benefits scroungers. I just change the subject.
When I first split up with my husband I had no help with childcare. Two primary age children. Tax credits helped me juggle parenting while I gradually moved my work from part time, to now when they are teens, full time work. Now I don't need them/qualify and I think that's how it should be. Help get people back on their feet so that they can support themselves. It should always be better to be working and benefits should be a bare minimum.

Our new head teacher is single Mum. It shouldn’t stop you striving to do as best you can for the future of your family. When mine were at primary I used a childminder. The kids loved her.

Bingo!

Yep.
I thought this had been obvious during the pandemic.

All quickly forgotten though.

Yes because people are mind-readers and can tell the future.....🙄

Should OP put the five year old up for adoption then or simply have it shoved back up her vadge so it can be re-absorbed?

The person at fault here is the feckless, irresponsible man not the woman he ran out on or the child he abandoned. Men don't always advertise that they're feckless prior to a child coming along.

my husband at 72 is still working nearly full time. So he's working part-time and (if collecting his state pension), gets benefits as well.....not much different from the OP then is he?

Except that he'll be paying a whole lot of tax on a combination of state pension and earnings.