Fed up of my cousins comments about benefits and UC

[glassor2]

I’m a single mum of two kids, ages 13 and 5. My older son has a relationship with his dad, but my younger son’s dad moved away a couple of years ago and doesn’t see him often-usually once or twice a year. He doesn’t provide any financial support, and since he moves around for work (he used to live in Canada and now lives in Australia), it has been challenging to get child maintenance to chase him.

I work 3-4 days a week (sometimes more if there’s overtime available) and receive a top up from UC. My mum occasionally helps with child care, but she also has a full time job. It can be difficult handling everything on my own, but I manage.

Anyway, I have a family member I'm quite close to, and she often makes comments, not aimed at me, but towards people who claim UC. For example, she mentioned that it's unfair for her to pay almost £300 a month in tax while others can work part time and avoid paying anything (I don’t earn enough to pay tax) and that she has to pay more to subsidise the people that don't. She even told the entire family that she pays almost £400 a month, including national insurance, which made things awkward and nobody knew what to say.

From what I know, she doesn't earn a huge wage, so I can see why it would be frustrating for her to have to pay that much. It's a lot of money. However, it's not our fault, and if she's upset, her anger should be directed at the government, not at those who are rightfully claiming.

Everyone’s situation is different, and some people need help. I never chose to be a single parent, and I can't control the fact that my ex chose to leave and decided not to support his child financially. I'm doing my best, just like many others on UC are.

I don't think she's intentionally trying to upset me, but she is.

AIBU? How do I tackle this?

FFS, OP is a is SINGLE parent.
She is already a lot worse off than a couple.

If it's such a problem to 'juggle full time jobs and childcare' then maybe they should have thought about whether it made sense to have children in the first place.

Oh and I have a full time job with childcare before anyone asks but this idea that we as a society should turn our backs on the most needy will not sit with me Social Fund it was called for a reason everyone can pay everyone can take its fair! We contribute in order to use it if needed and if you use State Schools the NHS etc you use it too

It's funny how benefit claimants are spongers, but it's okay for fathers to not take care of their child financially. You couldn't make it up

I paid just under £60k tax last year. It’s equivalent of two junior nurse salaries, 2 junior police’s officers salaries, 1.5 asylum seeker cost or 3 part time people on universal credit. Which would you rather it was spent on?

'Better themselves'?

Has it actually not occurred to you that people who work part time might be making the choice to spend more time with their children? That's a pretty positive choice in my book. There are other ways to 'better oneself' than to chase after as much money as possible.

What actually doesn't make sense is that office hours are 9-5, instead of being shorter and at the same time as school hours so parents wouldn't have these logistical problems.

She isn't "choosing" to work less. She's a single parent with two kids under 16. Who's looking after her kids more in order for her to work more? For all you know her hours may not tie in with after school childcare etc and maybe she can only work those 3 or 4 days a week due to family only being available on those days for someone to help look after her kids. I work hours myself that go either past after school childcare hours or my start times are earlier than breakfast clubs start time and have to rely on family/friends to do school runs to cover those times. Their dad only just about covers my work weekends and some school holidays and thinks he's doing me a favour doing the smallest amounts of childcare he can get away with

The people who need it.

But it’s gone way beyond what’s fair. A family with one person earning 101k salary, a child in nursery and paying average mortgage/rent will have less disposable cash than state funded single mum in social housing. It’s a crazy system!!

3 part time ppl on UC? That’s a lie where did you get that figure?

Which would be your preferred option if you were paying it?

Are you sure about that? 🧐

If there’s only 1 person earning why’s a nursery required? Assuming there’s 2 parents?

Oh come on... that is bullshit and you know it.

£101k salary has less disposable money than someone on UC?.... on what fucking planet?
If you are broke on £101k then you have a budgeting problem and you need help.

People who earn more, spend more... that is a fact. Someone on £101k is not going to be going to community fridges for food, and Primark for clothing.

Benefit cap is 25k in London, made a judgement call for effect. Is 20k not realistic?

Bless you OP. You are doing your best for your child. I'm on your side

The vulnerable people. Because that is what we do in a civilised society.. we look after the vulnerable.

They do have that option, one parent could go part time so they can pick up from school and stop paying childcare

Ha! That is an insane take and completely untrue

Agreed. And then it's 'Well she was stupid enough to have children with him, I bet there were signs, so it's her own fault, and she should now click her fingers and become a net contributor overnight!'

Apparently 75k+ jobs grow on trees all over the UK.

That's fine, but they shouldnt be expecting other folk to subsidise their choices.

Yep, shall I break it down? I’m basing this on London.
100k
It’s about £5600 a month income after tax.
Rent/mortgage :1500-2000
Nursery/childcare for 2 children: 2400 (no support as over £100k)

left with about £1400 for everything else

Unemployed single mum
£1500 a month income after tax
rent/mortgage £0
childcare £0

left with £1500 a month

Depends if the ‘vulnerable’ are making a decent effort to get a job doesn’t it? A lot if them don’t.

How do you know?