Fed up of my cousins comments about benefits and UC

[glassor2]

I’m a single mum of two kids, ages 13 and 5. My older son has a relationship with his dad, but my younger son’s dad moved away a couple of years ago and doesn’t see him often-usually once or twice a year. He doesn’t provide any financial support, and since he moves around for work (he used to live in Canada and now lives in Australia), it has been challenging to get child maintenance to chase him.

I work 3-4 days a week (sometimes more if there’s overtime available) and receive a top up from UC. My mum occasionally helps with child care, but she also has a full time job. It can be difficult handling everything on my own, but I manage.

Anyway, I have a family member I'm quite close to, and she often makes comments, not aimed at me, but towards people who claim UC. For example, she mentioned that it's unfair for her to pay almost £300 a month in tax while others can work part time and avoid paying anything (I don’t earn enough to pay tax) and that she has to pay more to subsidise the people that don't. She even told the entire family that she pays almost £400 a month, including national insurance, which made things awkward and nobody knew what to say.

From what I know, she doesn't earn a huge wage, so I can see why it would be frustrating for her to have to pay that much. It's a lot of money. However, it's not our fault, and if she's upset, her anger should be directed at the government, not at those who are rightfully claiming.

Everyone’s situation is different, and some people need help. I never chose to be a single parent, and I can't control the fact that my ex chose to leave and decided not to support his child financially. I'm doing my best, just like many others on UC are.

I don't think she's intentionally trying to upset me, but she is.

AIBU? How do I tackle this?

It absolutely does. It's about time a lot of people in this country stopped baying at benefit claimants who are doing their best, and started getting angry that many hard-working people still aren't being paid enough to make ends meet.

Just tell her OP not to judge! It's not her business it's very sour grapes! People who work part time do pay tax sometimes, I do!

You often need to have the money in the first place before they help.

Keyboard warrior

And you have two incomes to pay the childcare costs (and all your other bills) with. OP would have one.

They are not baying about that, they’re baying that they have to pay so much tax to pay for it. The money comes from people who are also ‘doing their best’ and it’s well past what is acceptable now.

This thread is about someone is not even paying enough tax who is bitching about UC.

And this thread is about how OP can navigate her relationship with the relative who has such views.

Surely some tax going back in is better than none going in, only going out?

You are just as much a victim of the system as us poor buggers paying for it, the system is for you (or any of us who fall on hard times) and is not a lifestyle choice. The current system is unsustainable.

I would just ignore, you mention others don't know what to say either, so it's not really like anyone is trying to have a debate with her. As you say, she probably isn't aiming her comments at you, if she doesn't know the ins and outs of your finances and how much tax you do or don't pay.

Maybe you should have planned better.

You and all the other “We pay taxes” folk do realise that people on benefits still also pay towards taxes right? Hate to break it to you but there’s not a magic button to press for no vat or duties

Also although granted benefits come under the Welfare fund they’re not the only thing that do. Just like income tax and national insurance and there are people who pay those in receipt of UC would you believe?

Our minimum wage is one of the highest in the World. Our problem is the cost of housing. We need a lot more, low cost social housing.

Maybe they enjoy doing their jobs

Doesn't sound like it?

This thread makes me think of this cartoon...

And rent isn't ridiculously expensive

To all the posters saying get a full time job, at the start of 2025 there were 8.6 million part time workers. Should all of these workers opt to get a fulltime job, who will be doing the part time jobs that surely help the country to function? Dinner ladies, cleaners, bar staff??

You surely understand that they take more than they pay in? Surely?

And a lot of the "we pay taxes" folks are on less than the £41k or so that makes someone a net contributor.

Funny that a lot of the people who are paying higher rate taxes that have commented on this thread, are ok with their money going on UC.

I think it’s totally wrong that people can opt to work part time and get it topped up by the state to the equivalent of a full time salary, it removes any of the incentive for people to better themselves. I appreciate there can be complex circumstances that stop people from working full time but if we’re being honest for a good percentage of people it’s just choice because working is boring / inconvenient / takes away more of their free time / they can’t be bothered.

People should also look at the breakdowns of income tax those paying the highest (additional) ie earning the most only pay 45% leaving a bare minimum £68628 pa but basic rate which is probably a huge amount of us here is 20% even if you’re top end you have £40000 pa left and that starts at under £13000 pa the tiers are ridiculous so called higher rate (they do not end up with a lot for it) only pays 5% less than the additional rate, coincidentally guess where you’re CEOs and M.P’s etc are probably sitting? Yeah they’re probs all additional rates and I guarantee they’ll be earning more than the £125140 plus

I think what you're missing is lots of families face these tough logistical situations, even with 2 working parents. Yet they're being asked to pay more so you and others can choose to work less. I'm sure they'd like that option as well as they juggle full time jobs and childcare.

I'm horrified at the anger in the replies. What happened to mumsnet (and the UK!)

I'm a net contributer. I'm also an immigrant, and extremely proud to be part of a country that cares for it's own.

I only feel relief at knowing the safety net is there, and that children aren't suffering because feckless fathers won't contribute to their upbringing. And that the women who are already having to carry everything on their own don't have even more worries on top.

Could you all really sleep at night knowing that a child is cold and hungry, because their father abandoned them? That disabled people who literally cannot work are left to rot on the street?

No doubt someone will come on and say 'Oh I don't mean those ones'. But the problem is that everyone seems to have a different opinion on who 'deserves' to be supported. And then entire groups of people are dehumanised, single mothers, disabled, children in poverty.

It's sickening.