Fed up of my cousins comments about benefits and UC

[glassor2]

I’m a single mum of two kids, ages 13 and 5. My older son has a relationship with his dad, but my younger son’s dad moved away a couple of years ago and doesn’t see him often-usually once or twice a year. He doesn’t provide any financial support, and since he moves around for work (he used to live in Canada and now lives in Australia), it has been challenging to get child maintenance to chase him.

I work 3-4 days a week (sometimes more if there’s overtime available) and receive a top up from UC. My mum occasionally helps with child care, but she also has a full time job. It can be difficult handling everything on my own, but I manage.

Anyway, I have a family member I'm quite close to, and she often makes comments, not aimed at me, but towards people who claim UC. For example, she mentioned that it's unfair for her to pay almost £300 a month in tax while others can work part time and avoid paying anything (I don’t earn enough to pay tax) and that she has to pay more to subsidise the people that don't. She even told the entire family that she pays almost £400 a month, including national insurance, which made things awkward and nobody knew what to say.

From what I know, she doesn't earn a huge wage, so I can see why it would be frustrating for her to have to pay that much. It's a lot of money. However, it's not our fault, and if she's upset, her anger should be directed at the government, not at those who are rightfully claiming.

Everyone’s situation is different, and some people need help. I never chose to be a single parent, and I can't control the fact that my ex chose to leave and decided not to support his child financially. I'm doing my best, just like many others on UC are.

I don't think she's intentionally trying to upset me, but she is.

AIBU? How do I tackle this?

Ok and what are you going to do when all the nursery nurses leave your child's nursery to get a higher paying job? Or all the retail workers leave the shops? Some jobs are absolutely necessary for society to run smoothly but the pay is absolute crap. If someone works full time on minimum wage they only earn £23k per year.

I think they may mean that a lot of people on MN feel the same as your cousin so you may get some harsh responses. I hope not though.

Many of us are behind you. We all pay taxes and this is one of the reasons: to help people who need it. If we can't do that we are not the first world country that we see ourselves as being. None of us knows when we might need that help.

If you do get horrible responses on here, just ignore them and hold your head high - as you should do with your cousin. Try to avoid her.

Anyone on UC get 85% of their childcare costs back so there isn’t really an excuse for able bodied people to not work or only work part time when they get 85% of childcare costs back. Obviously there’s a maximum amount that can be paid but it’s more money than what people who aren’t entitled to benefits would get.

I wonder how many people here making negative comments about UC, "working more" and "making it work" are actually single parents? Until you've been a single parent you really cannot comprehend the responsibility, mental load and exhaustion that comes with it. There's nobody else.

I'm a single parent. Left my children's dad due to serial cheating and abusive behaviour. He rarely has his kids and when he does it's not reliable. He quit his job, so there's no maintenance for me.
I have no family to help me. It's literally just me. I work 25 hours a week, on a decent hourly rate, but receive a UC top up. We literally wouldn't survive without it. I've explored so many ways to enable me to work more hours, but it's just not viable for me right now. I wish I could, I'd love to.
My choice right now is to work 25 hours and claim UC or work more hours and leave my 7 and 5 year olds home alone while I go to work. In an ideal world everyone would be working and earning enough to support their families and an few years ago I could too. However the cost of living has rocketed and I just cant anymore 😢. I'm sure there are lots of people out there who do take the mick out of the benefit system, but there are genuine people out there with good reasons not to be working more. It's not as easy as just get more hours or a better paid job!

Also if anyone has any ideas of how I can work more hours in my circumstances then please let me know.

Or, if you have a magic way of getting their dad to step up and be a dad or a way in which to get him to work so he can pay towards his children's upbringing then please let me know too.

Bloody good point!

Whats mumsnet for then?

Ignore them. They plop on any and all benefit threads.
OP is not asking about benefits... she is asking how to navigate things with her cousin.

Can you not pay for wrap around care? If you’re on UC you’d get a lot of this paid. So I guess it’s not true to say you don’t have a choice but to work part time. You could work full time and pay childcare but you’re choosing to work part time. Like many others on UC. I am a single parent and when mine were younger they went to wrap around, a childminder, private nursery and holiday clubs. There’s definitely options out there, so guess it can be frustrating for family.

Ignore this particular poster....

I bet the cousin has a partner thereby allowing her to work full time though?!

I say this as someone who pays a lot of tax and works full-time. I have a partner who allows me to do so. Things might be different if he ran off…

Oh, just ignore her or if you really want to, tell her she can hardly talk because she won't be a net contributor herself.

I can't work at all due to my circumstances and the judgment can be awful.

Well maybe if employers were forced to pay a living wage rather than minimum they can get away with then top up benefits wouldn't be needed!

This. Also, no one should live to work and lose their own children’s precious childhood years to daily wrap around care just that the parents can work themselves to the ground?!!. What kind of society have we become?

Not all employers are massive companies though.

DM has a cleaning company, and most of her staff are on NMW... and she can't pay more because that is how much she gets for wages from the companies she tendering for. If that makes sense. DM is in a little bit more than NMW herself and she has to do all the admin etc too.

People on UC get 85% of their childcare costs paid if they are working. Not just everyone on UC gets this.

Childcare only usually covers 8-6 Monday to Friday. This doesn't fit the modern day of working. Also there's a childcare gap.from about age 11 - 14 where there is not childcare available for their age but they are not old enough to be left alone. There's also a massive childcare shortage with huge waiting list in the UK. Nursery workers are now being asked to complete early years degrees, which is great news but their wages are still.minimum. We are going to end up with a generation of over qualified nursery nurses who change careers because they don't get paid enough now they hold a degree. This will make the childcare lists even longer and nurseries will struggle to recruit staff.

I mentioned this in my previous post. I was replying to someone who said UC pay up to 85%

I find it very interesting that the assumption is that every UC claimant is on minimum wage. I’m in a professional job and still need a UC top up which enables me to pay for childcare. I have a mortgage too. Shocking!

So you're saying she should claim even more benefits just so she can say "I work full time"? Who is actually benefitting from that?

I think this needs shouting about more.

@glassor2 Australia is a REMO signatory so if your ex is working you can pursue him for maintenance.

See this attitude is I think what upsets people a lot. The entitlement to benefits so you don’t lose your children’s precious childhood years, in your words. Many of us are working full time with young children, net contributors, and funding others to go part time so they don’t miss that precious time. It rankles when you feel they could also be doing more.

The country is a mess, the benefits bill is rapidly increasing, and it’s not sustainable.

Agree! Would love to only pay this much in tax and NI … 😂. Would also like to add I’m a single parent working full time, not on benefits as higher rate tax payer but also don’t begrudge single parents who are as everyone’s situation is different!

If you're able to get a sensible answer out of @Viviennemary on a topic such as this one, you're a better woman than many on here...

School / wraparound and holiday club like everyone else?