Fed up of my cousins comments about benefits and UC

[glassor2]

I’m a single mum of two kids, ages 13 and 5. My older son has a relationship with his dad, but my younger son’s dad moved away a couple of years ago and doesn’t see him often-usually once or twice a year. He doesn’t provide any financial support, and since he moves around for work (he used to live in Canada and now lives in Australia), it has been challenging to get child maintenance to chase him.

I work 3-4 days a week (sometimes more if there’s overtime available) and receive a top up from UC. My mum occasionally helps with child care, but she also has a full time job. It can be difficult handling everything on my own, but I manage.

Anyway, I have a family member I'm quite close to, and she often makes comments, not aimed at me, but towards people who claim UC. For example, she mentioned that it's unfair for her to pay almost £300 a month in tax while others can work part time and avoid paying anything (I don’t earn enough to pay tax) and that she has to pay more to subsidise the people that don't. She even told the entire family that she pays almost £400 a month, including national insurance, which made things awkward and nobody knew what to say.

From what I know, she doesn't earn a huge wage, so I can see why it would be frustrating for her to have to pay that much. It's a lot of money. However, it's not our fault, and if she's upset, her anger should be directed at the government, not at those who are rightfully claiming.

Everyone’s situation is different, and some people need help. I never chose to be a single parent, and I can't control the fact that my ex chose to leave and decided not to support his child financially. I'm doing my best, just like many others on UC are.

I don't think she's intentionally trying to upset me, but she is.

AIBU? How do I tackle this?

Not by writing about it on MN.

Just tell her to shut up about any time she mentions it.

Stop talking about it as there are a lot of people (myself included) who agree with her. We both work need to work full time to pay our bills so I don’t agree with others being able to choose to work part time and the tax payer pick up the bill

Not sure what you mean. Isn’t this where people come for advice?

Point out that if she’s only paying £400pcm in tax she’s definitely not a net contributor, and she too, is being subsidised by higher earners.

I pay A LOT more than that in tax, and don’t begrudge it going to people that need it, it’s how a civilised society works 🤷‍♀️

This. It is galling for those who slog their guts out working full time when it seems you can choose to work part time and be subsidised by the long suffering tax payer.

Benefits in this country are out of control and unsustainable

I don’t mention it, she’s the one who brings it up. It’s not a choice for me. I can’t work full time because I don’t have anyone to help with my son, especially since his dad chose to leave and ignore all his responsibilities.

That's harsh. OP has a child of 5.

Yes to this. Why should people be allowed to work part time then get topped up by tax payers money.

@H1lll @Pollqueen Perhaps the father of the 5 year old shouldn't have buggered off and left the OP in the lurch and only being able to work part time.
Blame him not her.

OP ignore the haters, including your sister.

Feel free to jack your job in and go sign on then.

It's funny how "benefits" are evil but "funding" for childcare from 9 months is fine.
It's all government money isn't it?

OP, when she starts just tell her you're not getting into it and then change the subject. It's none of her business and there is nothing wrong with setting that as a boundary.

As for working part time, people forget that childcare in the UK is a lottery. I know where I live that there is very little provision past age 9 when DC move up to middle school as the childminders only serve the first schools and the middle schools don't have any wrap around care. There is absolutely no holiday provision unless you're able to travel too.

The cousin should keep her thoughts to herself, but a lot of people agree with her. It's a flawed system.

See also private landlords receiving the housing element of UC that is paid to qualifying tenants (or even paid direct to the landlord in certain circumstances), that's apparently fine but the benefit claimants are viewed as spongers.

A man can get out of paying for his own child by deciding not to. Yet complete strangers (ie the tax payers) need to suck it up and pay more. No wonder Reform are gaining popularity.

I guess she has a point and is entitled to her opinions.

Ops meant cousin.

Honestly? She sounds like she’s hard of thinking and a bit boring carping on about this so often. Nothing more dull than people talking endlessly about how much (or little) income they have as social chitchat. I’d get up and walk out the room or make a point of flicking through my phone/talking to someone else about anything else when she starts. And assuming she knows your situation it sounds like she very much wants you to feel embarrassed and shitty about your life.

But your upset is your problem...I assume she's not directing it at you? She's allowed to feel how she feels, and presumably to express that around family. As you say, her feeling of unfairness is legitimate in some respects, and there will be plenty of people claiming without good reason.

How are you working 3-4 days a week yet earning under 12k so not paying tax OP? Working an hour a day or something?

At £300 a month she’s certainly not a net contributor, so tell her that she’s not paying enough either.

Eh? Are you suggesting the majority of people working part time and earning UC have mental impairments?!

Well She's not paying £400 on tax is she. She said herself some of it is National Insurance. That is a contribution towards her pension. Effectively that is a form of long term saving.

Your UC is temporary, to help you survive until you can return to the workforce.
Would she like to see a return to the poor House instead.

When your son is settled in school or a bit older you will be back in the workforce, paying tax just like everyone else... When your son is older it will be the tax he pays that funds all the public spending the government spends when she is older and perhaps retired. That's the way it works.