Fed up of my cousins comments about benefits and UC

[glassor2]

I’m a single mum of two kids, ages 13 and 5. My older son has a relationship with his dad, but my younger son’s dad moved away a couple of years ago and doesn’t see him often-usually once or twice a year. He doesn’t provide any financial support, and since he moves around for work (he used to live in Canada and now lives in Australia), it has been challenging to get child maintenance to chase him.

I work 3-4 days a week (sometimes more if there’s overtime available) and receive a top up from UC. My mum occasionally helps with child care, but she also has a full time job. It can be difficult handling everything on my own, but I manage.

Anyway, I have a family member I'm quite close to, and she often makes comments, not aimed at me, but towards people who claim UC. For example, she mentioned that it's unfair for her to pay almost £300 a month in tax while others can work part time and avoid paying anything (I don’t earn enough to pay tax) and that she has to pay more to subsidise the people that don't. She even told the entire family that she pays almost £400 a month, including national insurance, which made things awkward and nobody knew what to say.

From what I know, she doesn't earn a huge wage, so I can see why it would be frustrating for her to have to pay that much. It's a lot of money. However, it's not our fault, and if she's upset, her anger should be directed at the government, not at those who are rightfully claiming.

Everyone’s situation is different, and some people need help. I never chose to be a single parent, and I can't control the fact that my ex chose to leave and decided not to support his child financially. I'm doing my best, just like many others on UC are.

I don't think she's intentionally trying to upset me, but she is.

AIBU? How do I tackle this?

So did I tbh but Op hadn’t mentioned any other factors that might affect the equation. After school care might make working FT uneconomic for instance.
Hard to judge without knowing everything.

You can and should work full time with a 5 year old. I, like many many other people have done it

@PixiePuffBall Oh, yes! Why didn't I consider that? Finding a high paying job is so easy. Thank you so much, I really appreciate it.

God there’s some right wankers on this thread.

It's not at all easy. But other people make it work in order to provide for their kids. I work in a high paying field and there are numerous single Mums who work really hard for their kids' sake and to give them the best life they can

Ignore her

@PixiePuffBall You've made yourself look a bit silly by admitting you have a partner, who I assume helps you with raising your kids. Unfortunately, I don't have that support.

Doesn't bother me in the slightest and I pay a fuck tonne of tax every month. I'm glad the system takes care of people who need support and hope it supports me if my circumstances change. You might not be able to work full-time some day for reasons beyond your control. Do you really hope you'll just have to make do?

Part time work isn't always a choice though.
I started my first proper job at 18.
I was contracted 17 and a half hours.
My second job my contact was 29 (I think) hours.
Job 3 - actually in the same company as the second but moved to a different branch I was originally going to be given a 20 hour contract but they agreed to 35.
Full time was classed as 39 hours.
The companies I worked for rarely gave anyone an actual full time contract. They just didn't.
It used to really annoy me that they would frequently employ one person for the morning (so 9-1) and a different one for the afternoon (1-5). I always thought "just employ one person full-time".

(ironically all 3 jobs I was pretty much doing "overtime" permanently so I was actually full time just not on paper)

I do have a partner but we both have jobs that require us to frequently travel - thereby leaving one of us home alone to look after children and animals. We have no family nearby and yet manage to successfully make it work. All whilst working FT. I know many families with similar set ups.
Yes it is stressful but as we have bills to pay we don’t have the luxury of deciding to drop hours significantly

I do yes. But we both work full time out of necessity to pay for our children, with no state support or expectation of it? And like I said. There are plenty of single Mums in my place of work who work full time. It's a choice to sit about on UC with a child of school age

This. Something needs to change as the situation is not sustainable. It is not fair to those of us who are shouldering more and more of the tax burden.

Well there are people who choose to deliberately work so little that they don't pay tax and claim benefits so she isn't wrong to be annoyed about that.

And how do you know the single mums don’t also claim UC?

Presumably they are able to access paid childcare or have family support. And don’t have children with SEN.

I’m fairly high up where I work, but my salary isn’t huge, so UC helps me with childcare costs. I doubt anyone I work with realises I have a claim.

If the OP was back in your Mum (and Grandma's) day she could leave the 13 year old at home in charge of the 5 year old while she worked full time.
Try that now and you get reported to social services.

She has a point. Sick of subsidising people who work part time hours.

Fair but childcare here is more a day than my daily wage 🙃

I have no childcare support and work full time.
I'm lucky that the schools my children have attended provide wraparound breakfast and after school clubs to allow me to work full time. Some places don't have these.

I don't think the OP is voluntarily working part-time for an easier life. It sounds like the only workable formula right now.

I do get a little flabbergasted at parents that can't see how they could possibly work full time with school aged children, as though the rest of working parents have a platoon of helpers. I very definitely do not. Wraparound care is the only way this works.

They won't be claiming any benefits without a doubt due to average salaries at my place of work, and are often international so ineligible to claim anyway. My point is that it's perfectly possible and there are many examples of earning for yourself and your kid/s as a single parent. That's not to say it isn't hard work, it is. But other people make it work and "oh I'll just claim benefits and let others do the work so I don't have to" is a terrible attitude to have

Abd what is Reforms solution to men not paying for their children?

@glassor2 she also has another child of 13 neither of who appear to have a father living with them. how much universal credit is she getting/????

Try having the same stress and same amount of bills to pay but no partner and half the income. Then come back and judge the OP.

What nonsense.
My ex and I worked around each other’s schedules.
Entirely different being the main resident parent trying to juggle full time work with no obligation from the other parent to facilitate your role.

I was thinking this. TBH I generally try not to look at how much tax and NI I pay because it’s a bit disconcerting as I pay just over £3k a month tax and NI combined.

OP it’s an unfortunate truth that you are more likely to get yourself in to a better financial position by working full time and finding a way to pay the high childcare for a while.

i went back to work full time when DD was 9 months old, at the time subsidised childcare only kicked in after they turned 3 so I was paying over £1k a month for full time nursery, no family support so needed it full time. I was earning £25k a year at that point and my childcare bill was over twice my mortgage. Things were really really tight, beans on toast and jacket potato’s for every meal tight.

Now DD is 11yo, I’ve been able to develop a career, I earn over 4 times what I was on then, have no childcare bills except a few days of holiday club over the summer to break it up a bit and things are really comfortable. I would not have been able to progress at that speed and scale working part time.

This. FFS. Honestly, I pay 2000 a month in tax and I am glad that this goes towards supporting people (though yes it is utilised by employers to pay lower wages to people). She is NOT a net contributor and she should shut the F up. Just ignore her OP. She is obnoxious