Just call me by my name!!

[BTECBetty]

I have a four-syllable name, which I hate being shortened. Yes, it’s long, but it’s not difficult to pronounce, so if people try to shorten it, I just correct them and tell them I prefer my full name. Most people just apologise and don’t do it again.

Except one colleague. No matter how many times I say “My name is X”, she will still try to shorten it to Y. What makes it even more frustrating is the shortened version she uses isn’t even an accepted shortening of my name - think calling me “Jenny” instead of “Genevieve”. She definitely knows she is doing it, as when I’ve picked her up on it, she makes a big performance of using the shortened name again the next time and then saying “Sorry, I mean X” - every time. No one forgets every time.

Anyway, today was once too often. I snapped that my name is X, I want to be called X - not Y, not Z or any other invented version of my actual name. I pointed out that I’ve said this time and time again. She went off doing a hurt face, muttering about how I didn’t need to be stroppy about it.

I wouldn’t give a damn if it was just her saying she was upset - she’s clearly never given a toss if I’m upset. But now our manager has got involved. He took me to one side and said what I said “Could have come across as aggressive”, and that maybe I could have asked more calmly. I pointed out that I had asked calmly several times and got nowhere. He tried to laugh it off, saying different people just had different preferences about these things, and that maybe colleague found using my full name a bit formal. I stood my ground and said she didn’t get a preference about someone else’s name - my name is mine, and I don’t want to be called anything else.

There wasn’t really much my manager could say to that, but I still feel like he’s making it my fault rather than hers, when she’s the one doing something wrong. I’m now sitting on a bench down the road from the office munching on a pasty, hoping it doesn’t rain, because a) I want comfort food as I’m pissed off and b) I don’t want to sit in our break room and have her come up to me and pretend to be all “I didn’t mean to upset yooooo”, when I know very well she’ll go back to shortening my name tomorrow.

I’ve reached the point where I want to raise this formally, even if it just forces my manager to acknowledge that he can’t blame this on me. WWYD?

My dad always corrected people who shortened his name. It was a bugbear of his and he very much complained about it to us.

Whether you consider this a "women's issue" or something that wouldn't bother you is irrelevant. It irritates the OP and she has had to repeatedly correct the wally who appears to be deliberately trying to wind her up shortening her name (not a "pet" name). Wally also got the manager involved not the OP. Office dynamics are important and can and do effect people's well-being.

I answer to most things, but this thread has made me reflect on the power dynamics of names. Nicknames are diminutives, often used for children, they can literally diminish someone, make them seem smaller, less adult. I think it’s easier to picture someone in a position of power with a longer, stronger sounding name, maybe because certain formal work settings demand full names. I think it is a power play to shorten someone’s name against their wishes, especially when the full name sounds serious and the shortening less so. Doing it in front of colleagues is potentially subconsciously diminishing their impression of the person and their capabilities, which could impact work prospects. I think you have every right to ask to be addressed respectfully and correctly.

I get it I have a reasonably common name, and I have never introduced myself as anything other than my full name, my name plate/email/badge all say my full name but it still gets shortened.

The irony is that it is consistently shortened and mispronounced by someone to the point where its a different name. They gave a presentation at all staff meeting about why when people pronouncing her name wrong it is disrespectuful to her culture and hurt her every day - all it did was stop people saying her name.

Same. I couldn't care less what people call me, and can't imagine getting so worked up about it.

I am one of those people that doesn't care what people call me. There are several recognised nicknames and variations to my own, two syllable name, and different colleagues & family tend to use different ones. However, they all know me and know I don't mind. I also sometimes get called by a colleagues name by accident and still answer, but again, it's fine because I know it's an accident and we make a joke of it.
BUT
To many people, I know that their name matters to them so I never assume what to call someone else. When I first meet someone, I will generally ask what they prefer to be called, especially if they have a long name. In written communication, I'll take my cue from their sign off, since I've often found email signatures contain someone's full name but they might sign off themselves with a shortened version. It's polite, courteous and, to me who is diabolical at remembering names, just the right thing to do.
From this thread, it clearly seems petty to some, but I really don't think you're being unreasonable @BTECBettyto follow this up with your manager. Save the formal grievance for if it continues or turns into something else - if it is some form of workplace bullying, as some have suggested, it's possible, I guess.

I get this entirely. I have a name that can go from three syllables down to one. I quite fancied the two-syllable version at times as it might suggest a fun personality but it has never stuck - I’m generally quite serious. My v oldest friends do the one syllable version but I’d be v pissed off if colleagues abbreviated my name. At work and outside I use the version of names that people ask for. It then becomes their name to me.
Do you have other colleagues who can join in correcting your disrespectful co-worker and tell her Frederica really doesn’t like being called Fred. Or simply go full-on toddler training and refuse to hear until addressed correctly? This is playground power play on her part and your manager needs to stop it in its tracks

How depressing to be so lacking in imagination.

Why lacking in imagination.

That's a bit rude.

Men would have this sorted in 2 mins but women take up 8 pages......so far.

@SouthernNights59 I'd just be getting on with my life and not pay much attention.

You obviously can't imagine it, therefore it shouldn't bother OP. Well guess what? It does!
So yes, lacking in imagination & rude too!!

You literally said “I can’t imagine it”. If I have to explain why that means you lack imagination, I can’t help you.

I am with you - my name is one that is commonly shortened, but I hate the shortened versions and only answer to my full name. I have had to correct a few people but they have always changed to using my full name upon a single correction. Apart from one who was determined to use a shortened version. I ignored her completely until she used my correct name. Eventually she got it.

@BTECBetty it wasn't me that said it.

You're a tad rude.

Men would have this sorted in 2 mins

🙄

How would men have sorted this on SM? By saying "it wouldn't bother me so it doesn't matter"? Which is a pointless and unhelpful comment to post - as is that one IMO unless you are just trying to wind up women on here

First thing I always ask a new colleague when they have a name that can, or traditionally is, shortened is "Nice to meet you, Daniel. Do you prefer to use your full name or shortened to Dan/Danny?"

My friend's mum is a total snob for name shortening - hates it with a passion and chose names for her own children that can't be shortened. However, even she will still call people by their shortened name if that's what they go by.

Your colleague is a dick, OP and I hope your firm words have the desired effect.

Well okay, it wasn’t you that said it. You still should have been able to work out what I meant.

And you’re really in no position to criticise anyone else’s manners.

My manners are fine, I haven't been rude to you.

Hope you get it sorted Elizabeth.

Has your manager replied yet? Fully agree with you by the way!

On lunch break now. (Have forgone Greggs today!)

I had a conversation with my manager this morning where he was somewhat contrite, saying he hadn’t realised it had upset me so much. I said I wasn’t sure “upset” was the right term, but that I had been crystal clear with our colleague on several occasions that I wanted to be addressed by my full name, and that that should be respected. I pointed out that if she was regularly getting a client’s name wrong, this would be considered highly unprofessional - which he had to agree with.

Anyway, he’s promised to have a word. We shall see!

He did get it wrong😅
It should be the other way around.
Niall is pronounced Nee-ul (so like Neil) in Irish. Most people use an anglicised pronunciation of Niall though (similar to Nile).

@Whatpatternisthis He was sound but it gave me more of a headache than any of the kids did! It was definitely pronounced "Niall"

Hopefully he will resolve this now. Very good point about getting a client’s name wrong.

Your manager is a cheeky patronising fxxker to dismiss you like that.

Well done for pushing back formally.
Keep that paper trail going.

I consider your colleague hugely rude and unprofessional and your boss even worse.

This is grievance material for bullying, so keep careful notes.

Colleagues do not get to decide to change YOUR name for their convenience.

Your manager is a twat with very poor judgment and skills.