Just call me by my name!!

[BTECBetty]

I have a four-syllable name, which I hate being shortened. Yes, it’s long, but it’s not difficult to pronounce, so if people try to shorten it, I just correct them and tell them I prefer my full name. Most people just apologise and don’t do it again.

Except one colleague. No matter how many times I say “My name is X”, she will still try to shorten it to Y. What makes it even more frustrating is the shortened version she uses isn’t even an accepted shortening of my name - think calling me “Jenny” instead of “Genevieve”. She definitely knows she is doing it, as when I’ve picked her up on it, she makes a big performance of using the shortened name again the next time and then saying “Sorry, I mean X” - every time. No one forgets every time.

Anyway, today was once too often. I snapped that my name is X, I want to be called X - not Y, not Z or any other invented version of my actual name. I pointed out that I’ve said this time and time again. She went off doing a hurt face, muttering about how I didn’t need to be stroppy about it.

I wouldn’t give a damn if it was just her saying she was upset - she’s clearly never given a toss if I’m upset. But now our manager has got involved. He took me to one side and said what I said “Could have come across as aggressive”, and that maybe I could have asked more calmly. I pointed out that I had asked calmly several times and got nowhere. He tried to laugh it off, saying different people just had different preferences about these things, and that maybe colleague found using my full name a bit formal. I stood my ground and said she didn’t get a preference about someone else’s name - my name is mine, and I don’t want to be called anything else.

There wasn’t really much my manager could say to that, but I still feel like he’s making it my fault rather than hers, when she’s the one doing something wrong. I’m now sitting on a bench down the road from the office munching on a pasty, hoping it doesn’t rain, because a) I want comfort food as I’m pissed off and b) I don’t want to sit in our break room and have her come up to me and pretend to be all “I didn’t mean to upset yooooo”, when I know very well she’ll go back to shortening my name tomorrow.

I’ve reached the point where I want to raise this formally, even if it just forces my manager to acknowledge that he can’t blame this on me. WWYD?

I wonder if he’s our old director who consistently called his best performing staff member (not me lol) “Catherine” instead of her real name “Catriona”. 🤬

It is genuinely difficult sometimes to remember people’s preferences sometimes, like if you worked with a NaOmi and a NAomi I feel like you’d get it wrong sometimes. But you just say a genuine sorry and try harder next time don’t you. Not stick to your guns.

And this is relevant how ?
Not sure the Op has confirmed her name is Elizabeth, but even so if she goes by Elizaberh she goes by Elizabeth ,it doesn't matter whst other Elizabeth's go by.

This has jogged my memory!

I had a job in a coffee shop, and I repeatedly told my colleague my name was the shortened version - think 'Catherine' instead of 'Cathy'

Even when I corrected her straight away, she continued to call me by my full name in the same conversation!

It might seem like nothing, but it really pissed me off when I corrected her and she continued to do it- you may as well say 'fuck you!'

It shows utter contempt for the person on the receiving end in my opinion.

And the fact that @BTECBetty had told said colleague what her name is, and what she wants to be called, several times already is acceptable as a "mistake", is it? Not every "Elizabeth" in the world is called something else, and even if OP was the only one.... it's still her name and what she wants to be called.

A similar thing has been happening at my workplace for ages now - one person called me a similar (ish, but not really) name of another colleague by mistake, even though we look nothing alike and have different jobs, then other people started doing it both by accident and occasionally someone does it on purpose (I can tell the difference) and some people do it for a joke and actually it has gotten to the point where I will just firmly and somewhat snap at people now when they call me by the wrong name. It it too much to ask of people? I don't think it is.

Some people (generally speaking, not just at work) have struggled on and off for years with pronouncing it (it's an unusual name, but not a difficult name) and I really am just fed up with it at this point. Especially when you've corrected them multiple times, I really feel like they've got no excuse them. You are definitely NOT being unreasonable in the slightest.

Well not that it matters, because it would still be rude after I’d pointed it out that I only go by my full name, and my name is not Elizabeth. In any case, I don’t see how shortening it could be “second nature”, given how many possible shortenings there are. Lizzy, Liz, Beth, Bet, Betty, Bessie, Betsy, Bess… which would you pick and stick to forevermore, as opposed to just asking the person?

I have two friends called Victoria, neither of whom ever go by Vicky. Indeed, I only found out my friend Ria was actually called Victoria when we went on a trip and she had to send me her passport details! If I’d been told her name was Victoria before we me and had just decided she was a Vicky, I’d have been calling her something that bears zero relation to her preferred name.

Once is a mistake. Twice is being forgetful. Repeatedly is being an arse!

Not unreasonable at all.

I have a name that is commonly shortened, but I use the full name.

I don't like the argument that shortening it without permission is a term of endearment - it absolutely isn't if you don't like it. And when it's a work colleague (I had a manager who did this once) it implies a closeness that you don't want or consent to.

I once sent an work email to "Mandy" and got a really stroppy one back saying her name was Amanda.

As I'm not a dick I made damn sure from then on to only ever call her Amanda. It really isn't difficult.

How do you think you are coming across?

It is just rude. There are people who spell my name wrongly every time - start it with a different letter even! Sometimes on an email where I have signed it with my name and they are replying.

Sorry Catherine, I can't help it, I am very stupid.

Call her by a wrong name. Or give her a nickname, preferably one that rhymes with the one she calls you by. But I'm petty like that.

How can your name be too formal?

thats nuts

What’s her name? Let’s help you find a suitable nickname

It’s very tempting, @Ooothatsagoodone😄 But as another poster said earlier, that would give her ammunition to say “Well she’s just as bad” or similar if it becomes a formal issue.

I have my own private nickname for her that I most certainly do NOT share in the office!

Not at all. People should call others by the name they give them. If they change it and have been told that bothers the other person then they should stop. Fine if it didn't bother OP, but it does.

I also have a PITA in work who I have a private nick name for; a well deserved Fuck-face 😆

Strongly disagree!

no one has the right to choose to call someone a different nand, especially if they have been corrected multiple times. It's rude and disrespectful.

no one at my work calls me by the short version of my name as it's known how much I dislike it.

it's just very basic manners to call someone by the name they use. And it's a dick move to decide you prefer to call them something else.

Your manager is being very weak here, especially if it’s starting to cause problems. His aim should be to resolve it, not fob you off.

I also have a long name which I don’t like being shortened and my colleagues all know that unless we are messing about, in which case I don’t care because it’s just a joke and it’s affectionate - but when it’s obviously not a joke as in your case, it can become hostile and needs to be nipped in the bud.

I would explain this to my manager again and if he doesn’t help, then go the formal route.

I’m have a friend whose Victoria and she utterly despises being called Vicki and I don’t blame her!

I’d need to have fun with this OP. Every time she calls you “Vicki” just reply with a different name for her. “Oh thanks Moira”, then “It is a lovely day today isn’t it Gertrude?” and only call her by her actual name when she calls you by yours.

If this colleague was someone you really liked and you had a wonderful rapport with over a long period of time, or was in friend territory not just a work colleague, then I can see that a little bit of playful banter with a nickname might be alright every now and then.

However I would still expect a close collegue like that to use my full name for official things like in meetings and memos etc because that's the respectful thing to do.

Anyone else though is not respecting you at all if they deliberately give you the wrong name every time. It's verging on bullying.

I have a weird name blindness with certain people where I associate them - for no good reason - with a different name in my head and I can't for the life of me remember which is the real name.

There was a neighbour that was called something like Charlotte and I got Isabella stuck in my head - no idea why. It froze me anytime I needed to mention them to someone else as I could never remember which one was the right one!

So mostly I just tried never to use their name at all.

Get a notebook
Everyone time she calls you by the incorrect name get it out and make a note of the date, time, place & circumstances
Eg 12/07/2025 11.27 I was walking along 1st floor corridor X called out to me from her office. Noone else present.

Don't let her continue with anything shes saying until you've finished making your note.
Say nothing about the note.

When she (finally) asks what you're doing just say "keeping accurate records"

And/or bring it out into the open (& I woukd do this in front of multiple witnesses.

• Freda, you continually call me by the incorrect name. My name is X. That is the only name I answer to. If you continue with your passive- aggressive attempt to bully and undermine me by using an incorrect name i will not acknowledge you. Your behaviour reflects badly on you, and im drawing a line in the sand and will not put up with it any longer.

And I would email your line manager along the same lines. -As you know Freda continually calls me by the incorrect name despite me correcting her. Etc

I have a name that can be shortened to a name I don’t like. Some people shorten it but I don’t care. I know my name and I don’t care what they call me. It just goes over my head.

I think calling someone by their name is the bare minimum level of respect you can give a person. I have an Irish name that non Irish people find quite complicated the first time they hear it. I have had comments like "yeah I am not going to try to say that, what else can I call you?" I always say "by my name...." . The thing is I don't mind if people attempted it and got it wrong, at least they tried and unless it's someone I am going to see and talk to regularly sometimes I don't bother correcting them to be honest, but sometimes its a great conversation starter or ice breaker too when they try to get it right. However the people who flat out refuse to even try.... no, you will call me by my name it's the most basic level of respect you can give me. I would take it further if it's a constant recurring offence, if its a genuine accident of mispronunciation I wouldn't escalate but that doesn't seem the case here.

This reminds me of a similar situation but in reverse.

Someone I used to work with many moons ago was called Tony. That was his name on his birth certificate. Tony. Not Anthony.

The amount of times he filled in an application form etc , as "Tony Bloggs" and got a response addressed to "Mr A Bloggs". It did cause some awkwardness at times.

OP, good idea to pass the buck upwards to your manager, and definitely don't call her anything other than what she chooses to be called (well, not to her face anyway 😁).