Devastated - can't believe my builder did this

[INFJismyvibe]

Bit of backstory - we've been having an extension done on the house, it's taken well over the agreed time (almost a year over) but we've been mainly patient about it. Builders have been dumping stuff in our garden, making it unusable for the most part. Everything was overgrown as I've been unable to mow the lawn or trim down the bushes, but I've been OK with that. I knew that once they cleared their crap from the garden, I could get back to gardening and sort it out. My garden had some beautiful, well established plants and fruit trees, and some taller bushes that worked as an extra privacy screen, which we really need from our neighbours. Without those, the neighbours can see into my kitchen.

Some of the plants were of sentimental value, gifts from my mum, a plum tree growing from a cutting that my aunt gave me, from my grandma's garden, etc.

The building work has meant I've been unable to use my garden - which was my sanctuary - this summer and last summer.

Anyway, on to current day.
I've been away on holiday with my (older) kids. Dh stayed home for various reasons.

Builder has been in, finishing up on the house. His dad came along (he sometimes helps builder out on projects) and asked Dh if he's OK to clear the garden. Dh naturally assumed he meant all their builder's mess - bags of cement, wood palettes, etc etc. I've been saying for a while that I can't wait for all that to go so that I can tidy up the garden and even be able to access the washing line again.
So Dh said yes please clear it up, and then left for work.

The guy brought in a team of men and they removed everything. Every single plant, bush, tree. Completely removed the lawn (which, to be fair, was riddled with weeds and needed returfing anyway).

But it's completely bare.

All my beautiful beautiful plants, my sentimental ones, my privacy ones. All gone.

Dh didn't tell me until the car journey home as he didn't want to ruin my holiday. But i've just returned home a couple of hours ago, and I'm absolutely devastated. Don't even care about the rest of the work thats been done while I was gone. Struggling to even talk to Dh about holiday or anything else. Completely ruined my return home.

I know some may say, ah it's just plants.... But they cost so much money and effort and time, and can't be replaced just like that. I'm going to have to spend hundreds to fill it up again, and it's going to take years for them to establish. And it needs so much extra work and attention now.

Gutted. Aibu for feeling this way.

Any advice? What do I say to the builder? Dh didn't say anything at the time as he hates confrontation but wtaf?!! And now the builder will think I'm being unreasonable. But it was my sanctuary, my space, my privacy.

Ps please forgive any spelling errors, I've barely slept.
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What the actual fuck? Since when did "clear my garden (of your builders detritus)" translate to "clear my garden of every last living thing in said garden"

What??????

I am truly shocked

Firstly have a chat to builder's Dad as he cleared the garden

Secondly, if you can't get clarity, I'd have a chat to a solicitor about what can happen next

Maybe you have to put up and shut up but seriously.....if someone cleared my garden ....even cleared it of my weedy lawn which attracts LOADS of bees and butterflies....I would implode. I am appalled on your behalf, OP

I suspect there is more to this.

I suspect this garden was a total mess and was always going to need clearing down to nothing and your DH knew it. In fact I’d be inclined to think that your DH brought in someone to clear the garden independently.

it’s easy to see how a builder could remove smaller plants, but actively go in and chop down large established trees? Nope. Didn’t happen, and your DH is lying, probably because he sees the garden differently and knew it needed clearing.

I’d be so gutted. Why didn’t your DH ask him as soon as he saw what he’d done with the trees etc?

No way! I’d be incredibly upset too! Why on earth did the builder think that digging up trees and bushes and the grass, was part of clearing up the garden???
Are you sure your DH doesn’t know more about this because it seems strange that at no point he saw what was happening/happened?
Regardless of that, I’d be contacting the builder and asking him what on earth he thought he was doing and how is he going to rectify the situation. Put the ball in his court.

This seems more likely to me, especially coupled with the fact that he hasn't contacted said builder to challenge the work given how upset his wife is at something he agreed to as its a lot of additional work to completely clear a garden even with equipment and incurs more effort in disposing of the 'waste' it seems wild that they would do this without a clear request (appreciate these were precious flowers and plants so not suggesting they are waste).

I can’t imagine that clearing the garden down to bare earth was a quick job. Where was Dh in all this ?

This is interesting, because as a consumer I would assume that builders, who are not plant specialists, would literally clear the garden, as in this case. If I'd hired landscapers however, I'd expect them to discriminate.

If you brought builders in to do building work, and allowed them to temporarily use your garden as a dumping ground for rubbish and rubble, then 'clear garden' means 'clear up the mess we made'. Unless you think builders are stupid and you need to micro manage them with 'Make sure you clear only the rubbish and don't rip up and throw away my lawn.'

I get the point that most builders wouldn't know a weed from an award winning plant, but most builders I know do the job they're asked to do - not work that they don't even do day to day. They wouldn't have agreed to 'clear the garden' if they hadn't put rubbish in the garden.

It is sad about today builders mother...but the two are not connected. Get him to come over and ask him how the garden is acceptable! Ask him to make good or compensate you.
Running a tear over on the build suggests that they might have run rings around you.
Is your DH always so passive?
It is time to stand up for yourselves. Have you paid the final bill? If not, don't until the garden situation is sorted out.

He’d gone to work

I’m so sorry.
live near a builder who bought the house when the garden had established trees and shrubs. He did the same to his. It’s bare now and covered in manufactured artefacts painted bright colours. Hes dying to cut my trees down and he genuinely does not understand that I love my established fruit trees and boundary shrubs. Your builder probably thinks that “doing the garden” means “mechanically razing a space in preparation for bought objects”.

I am so sorry. I blame instagram. It’s so trendy to fill a space with crap and pretend youve done a good thing, because of social media. Plants take time and you can’t throw money at a “transformation” in the way that we’re encouraged to do now.

I genuinely think old fashioned gardening is a huge loss to society. The noise and the ugliness that everyone has to live with while things are always being torn up and thrown away is bad enough in a neighborhood without it being your own precious plants being thrown away. People think it’s grandpas who care about planting but they weren’t always grandpas, they were young men making a nice home once. Living next door to a man who takes pride in his garden without endless power tools but with forks and trowels would be so restful.

you need to tell him. Your husband should have tood him. He should know, but someone needs to tell him he has caused great damage. I don’t know where this idea that all plants are weeds have come from but it’s a huge problem.

What planet are you on .

I had a massive kitchen and side extension done 20 years ago and at no point was my garden left covered with crap or made inaccessible. A decent builder just wouldn't do that.

You need to have a firm conversation with the builder. Call him back and do it face to face. Keep the upper hand and be assertive without shouting or screaming if possible. Be clear that "clear the garden" should have meant him removing all his mess, not ripping out plants or cutting down trees without specifically discussing that first. Has he even removed roots or just chopped them off at ground level? I would definitely expect a reduction on the final invoice for re-landscaping the garden.

They’re definitely going to charge extra for this, mowing the lawn is one thing but removing trees is surely a chargeable task

I'm trying to put myself in your shoes and I'd be devastated. Of course you must confront him. TBH it sounds as if you've been pushovers throughout the project but this is next level.

With all due respects his personal situation is not your problem.
I wonder why he told you that if not to garner sympathy or an excuse why the work has taken a stupid length of time to finish?
I'd be so angry about the garden I really would say something, but I get the feeling something is missing in 'clear the garden' convo with h.
If he was at home was he at home for some of the time it was being cleared? If so why didn't he say something?

This is what I mean. No garden “needs” clearing down to nothing. This attitude is the problem. Creating a blank space is a fashionable and stupid preference, not a worthy and necessary job.

The dumping of all the rubbish in the garden was a warning sign. He always saw it as a yard, not a garden.

That’s absolutely bonkers, why did they do that! We’ve just had an extension finished, and like you been unable to use the garden, and the lawn is ruined, but grass is very resilient and I know will grow back. At a few squashed plants in the borders , when they cleaned up im still left with a lawn (albeit there’s not a lot of grass), but my plants are mainly left intact, with a lot of weeds.

I think you need to discuss with the builder and let them know it’s no on. Even if it’s so they don’t do it to someone else. I’m presuming they’d have had to hire a skip to get rid of every, as a pp said, make sure you don’t get charged for this and ask for money off to contribute towards restocking.

I think you need a solicitors letter, detailing how it was reasonable to assume he meant clear the garden of builders rubbish (do you have photos) and that removing all the shrubbery snd plants was by no means reasonable, the cost of replacing etc.

immediately, before they do send an invoice.

Dh didn't say anything at the time as he hates confrontation
Has this been throughout this entire build, going a year over, and ruining the garden initially?

I agree, I thought as soon as I read OP that h knows more about this than admitting to. It would be interesting to hear builders side of the story.

Sue him for the cost of replanting. Get a gardeneer in to replace the plants, toot sweet, and send him the bill.

He had no right to destroy your plants. You will still have young plants instead of mature ones for a long time - so to replant lets the builder off from the full cost.

Tell him you thought he meant to clear away his stuff - what else would he mean?

Contact the builder. Ask for clarity on the conversation that led to the garden being ripped out.

I would bet there has been more conversations or details provided than your DH is willing to admit.

There is just no way that an “am I ok to clear the garden!” led to the removal of the lawn and trees without there being a prior or more lengthy conversation than that. Where’s it all gone now?

Don’t ask your DH to speak to the builder, speak to him yourself, you need the facts. Find out specifically what was agreed and what the purpose of the the removal was. If it was an unnecessary misunderstanding and the builder was at fault, then ask for a discount off the final bill.

I think I’d be questioning my DH a little more closely about how exactly the conversation went.

I'd be devastated too. This is awful.

I would be absolutely devastated and I think I’d probably find out a bit more about any communication between the builder and your husband, as it happened on his watch, before tackling the builder. I wonder if it would have happened had you been there yourself.