Devastated - can't believe my builder did this

[INFJismyvibe]

Bit of backstory - we've been having an extension done on the house, it's taken well over the agreed time (almost a year over) but we've been mainly patient about it. Builders have been dumping stuff in our garden, making it unusable for the most part. Everything was overgrown as I've been unable to mow the lawn or trim down the bushes, but I've been OK with that. I knew that once they cleared their crap from the garden, I could get back to gardening and sort it out. My garden had some beautiful, well established plants and fruit trees, and some taller bushes that worked as an extra privacy screen, which we really need from our neighbours. Without those, the neighbours can see into my kitchen.

Some of the plants were of sentimental value, gifts from my mum, a plum tree growing from a cutting that my aunt gave me, from my grandma's garden, etc.

The building work has meant I've been unable to use my garden - which was my sanctuary - this summer and last summer.

Anyway, on to current day.
I've been away on holiday with my (older) kids. Dh stayed home for various reasons.

Builder has been in, finishing up on the house. His dad came along (he sometimes helps builder out on projects) and asked Dh if he's OK to clear the garden. Dh naturally assumed he meant all their builder's mess - bags of cement, wood palettes, etc etc. I've been saying for a while that I can't wait for all that to go so that I can tidy up the garden and even be able to access the washing line again.
So Dh said yes please clear it up, and then left for work.

The guy brought in a team of men and they removed everything. Every single plant, bush, tree. Completely removed the lawn (which, to be fair, was riddled with weeds and needed returfing anyway).

But it's completely bare.

All my beautiful beautiful plants, my sentimental ones, my privacy ones. All gone.

Dh didn't tell me until the car journey home as he didn't want to ruin my holiday. But i've just returned home a couple of hours ago, and I'm absolutely devastated. Don't even care about the rest of the work thats been done while I was gone. Struggling to even talk to Dh about holiday or anything else. Completely ruined my return home.

I know some may say, ah it's just plants.... But they cost so much money and effort and time, and can't be replaced just like that. I'm going to have to spend hundreds to fill it up again, and it's going to take years for them to establish. And it needs so much extra work and attention now.

Gutted. Aibu for feeling this way.

Any advice? What do I say to the builder? Dh didn't say anything at the time as he hates confrontation but wtaf?!! And now the builder will think I'm being unreasonable. But it was my sanctuary, my space, my privacy.

Ps please forgive any spelling errors, I've barely slept.
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I understand your sense of loss and I’m sorry this has happened to you. Some people have no appreciation for nature and don’t see its value.
I think it would make me all the more determined to make the new garden really amazing. A proper sanctuary to retreat to.

It really is because some builders ( husband included) can’t tell a weed from a plant or shrub. My beautiful wisteria was demolished but luckily us now in full bloom from the stub that was left after husband’s sb contractor tried to grub it out. I think he was probably trying to make some amends for taking so long on your work. By this time next year you will have a beautiful new garden.

That sounds awful @INFJismyvibe I would be so upset.

Do you have legal cover on home insurance? Might be worth getting them involved.

I expect it’s a miscommunication between builders dad and his labourers. He has said “clear the garden” meaning “take away the rubbish”. But they are used to clearing ground to make way for extensions so interpreted it in that way.

I'm so sorry - & as a Landscape Architect & garden designer I can completely understand your devastation. Hopefully, if your builder is shocked at what his father has done, he will compensate you for at least £1,000 (include labour costs as well as turf, & price for trees/shrubs of the same size. They're expensive!!!). Perhaps you can guilt-trip them into helping you replant/lay turf/etc ... if you instruct them very carefully!!! There will be nurseries where you can buy larger specimen trees & shrubs - not sure where you're located but happy to advise? Better to wait until autumn through to early spring to plant though, but will give you time to have a think about the design & layout? Maybe post some photos (if you can bear to ...) & get some advice? Happy to give some suggestions!

Don't all tradesmen have relatives in poor health who can be brought up in conversation if there is any hint of a disagreement about the work?

I'm going to cut to the chase a bit. Please take it as read that you have my sympathy for this destruction of your property. Many of the writers referred to taking action - you must, being upset wont change the situation unfortunately.

The first step is to talk to the builder, their personal situation is unfortunate but irrelevant to the loss that you have suffered. You should explain politely but firmly that the actions taken were not with your permission and that the garden has been damaged by the actions and you have suffered loss as a consequence. You should further state that you are looking for redress in respect of this loss. Have to hand 3 quotes for restoration to a reasonable level and standard commensurate with the original state of the garden before they put their rubbish there. I would recommend that the first course is to suggest to the builder that there is a deduction from the final payment to the amount of the middle quote. This would constitute taking reasonable steps to address the matter away from the small claims court. If the builder is unwilling to accept this, you should make the final payment to him and note that this is under protest, referencing your claim. You do not want a counter claim for non payment and interest charges. You will then need to recover the money in the small claims court, you can do this with or without legal support. Most cases in the small claims court are uncontested so hopefully you will avoid the he said - she said in front of everyone.

By taking action - you can regain some control over this nasty situation.

Really appreciate this, thank you so much xx

I'd also be talking to them because I'd want to know exactly how that conversation went between them and your DH. I reckon it's possible he's said more to them than he's let on.

Thank you. This is good, practical advice

That's given me some hope! We have quite a few stubs, looks as though they haven't removed from the roots but just cut back to almost ground level, so hopefully everything will grow back.

Yes! Hopefully by next summer it'll be looking much better than it is now

What a shame for you. But it s done so you have to think forward now.
If you have shrubs cut to a stump feed and water them to see if they will shoot.
Feed your cherry tree in case its roots have been disturbed
Autumn is a great time for planting fruit trees so hold off getting anything until then and we may be past the hosepipe bans by then. Maybe for now decide where you will put them
Visit your local garden centre- they may have shrubs that flower that are now discounted because they have reached the end of the flowering season but are perfectly healthy and will come back next year.
We ended up reclaiming and remodelling a bit of garden that had been a path in Sept/Oct and there were loads of multi buy shrubs on offer (do not recommend online) also the turf we put down in October grew very well- more rain, enough warmth for root growth and less traffic.
regarding the sentimental plants did any other relative get some and can you take cuttings. In fact if some of your own shrubs are still in a skip in front of your house can you take cuttings.
I would resist trying to recreate it immediately now - it is too dry.

Why would the dad even ask if it was ok to "clear" the garden?

Surely clearing up after the building work was a given?

They sound pretty shit that they didn't clear as they went along tbh.

Thank you! Yes, as much as I'd love to head to my garden centre and replenish the garden today, I know I should wait till autumn. I will be patient, and hopefully it'll be worth it!

Tbh it sounds a bit of a scam/con to me.

Son leaves the garden covered in crap & dad has a team to "clear" it all.

So fecking bizarre when posters come on with a complete story they’ve concocted in their head then proudly march forth with a whole pile of thoughts and opinions based on their imaginings

Ijusy seen your update OP glad to hear that the builder is being reasonable.

Oh god oh god oh god OP, my heart goes out to you 😫

It's encouraging that the builder is shocked too. Not least because he should take on the financial and practical burden of setting things right for you. Had he not realised the problem, I think I'd have advised you to invite him back just so that you could shoot him dead on the spot! Or maybe torture him slowly!!!!!!

I'm guessing the Romanian crew do lots of garden clearances and there was a miscommunication there, rather than between your DH and the builder.

I've been creating a garden from scratch (for the first time in my life) over the past 6 months, and it has been incredibly satisfying (although quite tricky, of course, as I am shit at design/planning and have no idea if things will turn out the way I expect). There is so much scope nowadays to research and locate interesting plants.

I think the only way I could cope with a loss like yours would be to try and view this as a rare opportunity to create something even more special, that you will treasure all the more because you had it ripped away from you before! You can nurture replacement cuttings etc as a kind of healing process ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

I would never let any one track me. Kids fair enough tho. I wld never ask my partner to be tracked eaither.

Maybe if he was untrustworthy I could see the point but I wld prob leave him in this case

Posters who are being relaxed about this, do you know how much plants cost? Even baby ones? Filling even a small garden can cost a couple of grand.

Hi Op, I had a workman who asked if he could cut some shrubs back for access, and he chopped them all to the ground. This was in February. they have grown 5-8 ft since then. Not shaped as beautifully, but a lot of growth that I plan to shape in the autumn. If they were established shrubs they are likely to be pretty resilient. I have read up and planted layers of plants, so bulbs, ground cover, taller flowers and shrubs so hopefully in years to come there will always be something of interest. Things are already looking lovely. Take some time to plan what you want from your garden, and in the next couple of months things will repair and reappear, so you can get some really good planting schemes sorted for the autumn.

I'm not gardener but what a terrible shock for you (and your poor DH having to break the news). The misunderstanding might be funny in other circumstances - I'm sure the builder, his father and your DH will be much more careful with instructions in future.

Thank you! Yes, I'm slowly starting to feel that way, and hopefully I can create something even better. Patience is key with gardening, I guess.

Love that advice, thanks for giving me hope

Yup! My DH, albeit not a gardener, loved what I'd done with the garden and would never have touched it without my consent. He was just happy for the guys to clean it up, because I'd been nagging about it for so long.

It was definitely a misunderstanding. English isn't the builder's dad's first language, then he's instructing the Romanian crew, who also can't speak English. So it's gone totally out of hand and left me with a bare garden. I will build it back back, one plant at a time.