Devastated - can't believe my builder did this

[INFJismyvibe]

Bit of backstory - we've been having an extension done on the house, it's taken well over the agreed time (almost a year over) but we've been mainly patient about it. Builders have been dumping stuff in our garden, making it unusable for the most part. Everything was overgrown as I've been unable to mow the lawn or trim down the bushes, but I've been OK with that. I knew that once they cleared their crap from the garden, I could get back to gardening and sort it out. My garden had some beautiful, well established plants and fruit trees, and some taller bushes that worked as an extra privacy screen, which we really need from our neighbours. Without those, the neighbours can see into my kitchen.

Some of the plants were of sentimental value, gifts from my mum, a plum tree growing from a cutting that my aunt gave me, from my grandma's garden, etc.

The building work has meant I've been unable to use my garden - which was my sanctuary - this summer and last summer.

Anyway, on to current day.
I've been away on holiday with my (older) kids. Dh stayed home for various reasons.

Builder has been in, finishing up on the house. His dad came along (he sometimes helps builder out on projects) and asked Dh if he's OK to clear the garden. Dh naturally assumed he meant all their builder's mess - bags of cement, wood palettes, etc etc. I've been saying for a while that I can't wait for all that to go so that I can tidy up the garden and even be able to access the washing line again.
So Dh said yes please clear it up, and then left for work.

The guy brought in a team of men and they removed everything. Every single plant, bush, tree. Completely removed the lawn (which, to be fair, was riddled with weeds and needed returfing anyway).

But it's completely bare.

All my beautiful beautiful plants, my sentimental ones, my privacy ones. All gone.

Dh didn't tell me until the car journey home as he didn't want to ruin my holiday. But i've just returned home a couple of hours ago, and I'm absolutely devastated. Don't even care about the rest of the work thats been done while I was gone. Struggling to even talk to Dh about holiday or anything else. Completely ruined my return home.

I know some may say, ah it's just plants.... But they cost so much money and effort and time, and can't be replaced just like that. I'm going to have to spend hundreds to fill it up again, and it's going to take years for them to establish. And it needs so much extra work and attention now.

Gutted. Aibu for feeling this way.

Any advice? What do I say to the builder? Dh didn't say anything at the time as he hates confrontation but wtaf?!! And now the builder will think I'm being unreasonable. But it was my sanctuary, my space, my privacy.

Ps please forgive any spelling errors, I've barely slept.
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I a see now that they've cut back a few shrubs to stumps and they've left my cherry tree in. Everything else is gone though

so what has actually “gone”

because the op have the impression that your garden was now akin to a parking lot

Devastating! But if it’s really an issue of miscommunication then it isn’t unreasonable to ask the builder to replace the privacy shrubs, at least.

What are you trying to achieve with your questioning of the OP? There have been several posts where you have made it quite clear you dont believe her. She is understandably upset at coming home to her garden chopped down. She has explained now that there are a few things left and stumps which will hopefully regrow. Why do you feel the need to continually question her? Do you enjoy making people feel worse when they are already upset?

Everything that was green. Besides my cherry tree. I had shrubs that were around 7-10ft high. The whole garden was flourishing before, with beautiful, beautiful plants, and now there is just a huge patch of soil and some bare stubs. Kindly, please fuck off.

Your DH needs to channel some of that feistiness Op!

indeed.. perhaps you should have employed some of that gusto during the year delay on your extension!!

I am so sorry this happened. I do not blame you for being upset. Does the builder know you are upset?

You are just making yourself look a bit daft and unpleasant now. OP explained some time ago that a team of men were brought in for the garden clearance.

Well, at least the consensus is that the shrubs should be okay. I know, from experience, that they are not easy to eradicate even when you’re hellbent on getting rid of them. They’re sure to come back up. That’s some thing, I guess.

One recommendation. Wait until the coldest depths of January and go to a garden centre/place that specialises in trees. Something like Jan 6th when it's freezing and no one in their right mind would be visiting. That's when you get the best bargains in the sale. ☺️

Why are you still here when the OP has asked you to go away (not quite her words!) It's quite possible to clear a garden in a day with the right tools.

Christ I'm so sorry! What on earth was he doing? I'd just at a complete loss as to why someone would do this. It would have taken them extra time and potential cost them money, just to destroy your garden! I'm so sorry, I'd be absolutely beyond gutted too.

And a gang of labourers!

OP, I am so sorry. This would absolutely break my heart and I would go absolutely berserk at the builders. I haven't read the whole thread but might it be helpful for you to post a picture of your garden marking what screening you want where so we can make suggestions?

I have a typical suburban slice of garden and I have put trellis on top of the fences either side (with permission ) and climbed clematis of different varieties, star jasmine, honeysuckle, roses and climbing hydrangea up them for screening that is pretty and smells lovely. Could that work?

Brogdale nurseries in Kent is the national fruit tree nursery and will sell any sort of plum you want. Some are even espaliered, so they are trained to grow sideways-more screening?

Finally, places like Sarah Raven and J Parker's are having big end of season sales of seeds and perennials right now. Huge commiserations, this would distress me enormously xx

Gosh, I am so so sorry to read this OP. I love my garden (and have a bit on an indoor jungle too). I’d be devastated if this happened to me.

If you have any trellises, would like an climber around your back door etc we bought a wisteria around 4 years ago which has really grown over that time. Beautiful scented blooms, and fairly hardy as we moved it from our old place.

I couldn’t tell from your post if you also have younger DC (could you get them involved or ask them to choose some plants if so?) - if not perhaps you could take cuttings from any gardens your older DC have for sentimental value?

Sunflowers grow really quickly for a quick bit of colour. You can buy a mature night scented jasmine plant for around £20-30 from a decent nursery - they smell incredible and might give you a bit of a mood boost while you’re working out there.

I noticed you mentioned fruit trees and bushes. B&Q and The Range often have fruit trees and bushes that look a bit sorry for themselves and are reduced. You can usually nurture these back to good health fairly quickly, I find it quite satisfying and it saves a bit of money too.

Hope this helps a little. I know nothing can replace the ones lost with sentimental value. We have many plants grown from cuttings too x

What a nasty piece of work you sound.

OP, £1,000 isn't nearly enough.

You need to double that, at the very least. I'd be demanding about £3,000 (and the culprits head on a stake).

They devastated your much loved garden. And they need to pay for like-for-like replacements.

If they removed a mature tree, then they need to pay for a semi-mature (or decent sized) replacement - a semi-mature tree can cost around £200-£300. A good sized (1.8m) pot grown standard or bush fruit tree can cost about £50-£80 (plus delivery). To get trees cheaper, you'd need to spend time shopping around and looking for offers; or wait until winter and buy bare root; or accept whatever is cheap when someone is offloading their old stock.

But you shouldn't have to put up with an empty garden for months, waiting for bare roots to come into season, because someone else decided to destroy your garden without your permission. And you shouldn't have to spend your time shopping around to sort out their mess. Nor should you have to accept simply what is cheap - you should be able to replace what someone else destroyed with something that you want.

Then there's your shrubs and herbaceous perennials...

Most garden centres and nurseries now tend to sell larger herbaceous perennials in 2L pots - and they cost more: around £9-£15 each. And shrubs tend to come in 3L pots and can cost anywhere from £15-£25. If you want like-for-like size shrubs (which isn't an unreasonable demand), then you're looking at specimens grown in 10L pots that'll cost about £50-£90 each and tend to come from specific suppliers.

Most garden centres tend to only stock plants for the current season of interest - so to replace winter interest shrubs, or autumn colour plants, you might need to order from a nursery and pay delivery costs. Even small 9cm pot plants from garden centres and nurseries cost about £4-£6 each now due to all round cost increases.

Again... You can get shrubs and herbaceous perennials cheaper if you wait for months or a year, looking for bargains, picking plants up when they're available at B&Q, etc. But also again... You shouldn't have to wait with an empty garden and spend your time repairing the damage someone else did.

Replacing the lawn will need at least a 1 ton bag of screened topsoil, to level the area and ensure the turf can easily root down. That's about £70. Then there's the turf itself - it's about £3.50-£4 a square metre. And lawns are deceptively big. My small lawn is 3m x 5m (15m2 - £60), my Mums average lawn is 6m x 7m (42m2 - £170) to re-turf - you also need to order a couple of m2 extra just in case.

So just to replace your lawn (if it's average sized) I'd budget at about £250 - and that would be a quarter of your budget gone if you only get £1,000 out of him.

Then you need your privacy replacing - so I'd be looking at some temporary willow or bamboo screening to give you some privacy while the plants grow. You're looking at about £35 (+delivery) for a 3m roll of 2m tall willow screening. Then you also need to budget for stakes to support it.

On top of all this, you should also be entitled to claim for labour costs if you don't want to do the work yourselves. Again, you shouldn't have to spend hours repairing the damage they did.

TBH - I know you said he thought he was doing you a favour, but he should have specifically asked if you wanted the lawn, trees and shrubs removing before removing them - not some vague reference to "clearing the garden" that can easily be taken to mean "shall I tidy up the rubbish we dumped in your garden?". Yes of course you wanted their rubbish cleared out of your garden. But to do any more than that, they should have got your permission.

As it stands, it's criminal damage and they should be grovelling at your feet for forgiveness. I'd be beyond livid if someone did that to my garden. I'd honestly go nuclear. Right now you're in shock, but be prepared, as you will probably go through emotional stages as you come to terms with this, including feelings of anger, loss and sadness.

Despite the shock you need to deal with the situation. You need to start estimating costs to replace what they destroyed so you can claim an accurate amount from them. Don't low ball this - it could cost a lot of money to repair the damage they did. You need to get the builder round immediately to talk about this, so he can see how upset you are. They need to put this right.

B&Q and The Range often have fruit trees and bushes that look a bit sorry for themselves and are reduced. You can usually nurture these back to good health fairly quickly, I find it quite satisfying and it saves a bit of money too.

Why on earth should OP have to have crap looking reduced section plants that she has to work to get looking good because some bloke chose to destroy her garden without her permission?

They need to take responsibility for what they've done and pay to replace what they destroyed. OP shouldn't be putting in a lot of effort to make good the damage these men did.

I think ops dh has to tke some responsibility here. He agreed to them clearing the garden and they did. A misunderstanding on both sides and not entirely down to the builder.

Oh OP, I'm feeling sick at the thought of this. Completely understand how upsetting this loss is, especially the sentimental plants. When my last GP died and my parents were clearing the house to sell, I asked them to keep me a little bit of the peony beside the front door (both sets of grandparents had the same peony beside their front doors, and I always loved them). They didn't, gave me a load of twaddle about how you can't move or split peonies. And I was really gutted. But I now have a garden full of peonies which remind me of my grandparents. So I think all you can do is take your time planning a fantastic new garden and look forward to going on a mad plant and tree buying spree
(and the shrubs will likely grow back if they've just been chopped at ground level).

... Which is 100% the builder's responsibility, not the customer's.

I disagree i think fault is on both sides.

It might have been a misunderstanding, but at the end of the day if this were to be challenged in court, the builder would be the one at fault.

He should not be doing such huge amounts of work based on casual, unclear verbal agreements.

This sort of major landscaping should have been written into a contract and invoiced.

It is not normal to do this amount of major work based on "should I clear the garden?" - "yes please".

It's entirely the builder at fault here.

It really doesn't matter if you disagree. If this went to court, the builder would be at fault, not OP.

I don't agree with that either, I think from experience they would likely find fault on both sides. I'm not sure why you think your opinion overrules mine?