Dads partner leaving him homeless after her death.

[Tray80]

Appology in advance for the huge thread but mainly feel like I need to vent so here goes! My dad and his partner have been together for 26+ years, living together in her home for 22 years. Although I was close to my dad as a child, our relationship dwindled as I approached my adult years. I guess he just stopped making an effort once he met my stepmum, as they tended to spend most of their spare time with her kids and grandkids.

Even though they only live 20 mins drive away they never visited including when my babies were born. They put mine and my kids birthday/xmas cards in the post every year. We speak on the phone a couple of times a month( when I make the effort) and I call around to see them half a dozen times a year, always bearing gifts on special occasions for eg birthdays, fathers day, Xmas etc, so basically it's always me making the effort. It used to really hurt my feelings when I'd see how much effort they both made for my stepmums side of the family but after 20 years of seeing it I just learned to live with it.

For the past few years my stepmum has had a terrible run of health. My dad has retired to take care of her as she has been wheelchair bound for quite some time. Unfortunately she's now been diagnosed with cancer and has been told that there's a 50/50 chance that she may not make it through her operation next week. Needless to say the whole family is devastated, including my dad. I called to see them last week and while walking in the garden my dad broke down and told me that he doesn't know how he'll carry on living without his partner. I can tell its taken a huge toll on his health too as he's stopped eating and taking care of himself and even had a nasty fall, which is so unlike him.

Today I received a call from my stepmum. I was really shocked when her number came up on my phone as she's only rang me twice in 23 years. She told me that she wanted to talk to me while my dad was asleep. She said she wanted to lay down the ground rules of how things would play out for my dad if she was to pass away during her surgery next week. It was explained that as the house was legally hers, as it was in her name, she would be leaving it in trust to her 2 children and grandkids, meaning that if she was to pass away, then my dad would be homeless. Apparently she had explained this to my dad a few weeks previous, which timed in with the fall and his sudden run of bad health. I believe this to be due to stress as he'd just been told that in 2 weeks he could possibly be loosing the love of his life, and now also his home. I know that my dad has always been aware that the house was hers and hers only but I don't think he was expecting to be turfed out so fast. I could kind of understand the rush if my stepmums family were struggling financially but they're all very well off. I asked about my dad's financial situation, if he had a bit of a nest egg to get himself on his feet if the worse was to happen and she said that she doesn't know, as they've always kept their finances separate. She mentioned she didn't trust him to take care of the house after his fall. She added that she thinks that once she's gone my dad will probably just give up on life and not be far behind. She also pointed out that hes very lucky that hes been able to live mortgage free for 20 years.

I can't begin understand the stress she's under with the surgery loomimg and the possibility of not making it out. I really don't want to see her in a negative light as I know my dad loves her more than life itself and they both need kindness and support more than anything right now, but the conversation I had with her last night has left me with a bitter feeling. She asked me not to tell my dad that we'd had that conversation, which I will respect. I just don't understand why she'd told me at all, as it clearly wasn't out of concern for my dad but rather a concern that he wouldn't leave the house when shes gone. I feel maybe she was prepping me as she knows he'll be landing on my door step when her kids sell the house, which in turn seems like a smack in the face when neither of them have ever made any effort with me or the kids. I just keep looking at my husband and trying to put myself in her situation. Could I purposely leave my husband financially destitute? I couldn't! The other part that is bugging me is that if all goes well for her then she'll be at home being cared for once more by my dad, the same man she was turfing out on the streets if the worse was to happen. I feel as though hes just being used. I really hate feeling this bitterness about the situation and I know I'm feeling overwhelmed by it all so hoping that someone else's take may help me see it all in a different light. Am I being unreasonable in feeling like this? If you made it to the end then thanks for sticking with me!🤷‍♀️🤯

Incorrect. He has a potential claim against the estate as a cohabitant under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975.

You are incorrect. He has a potential claim against the estate as a cohabitant under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975 (the statute in question in my post).

Incorrect. He has a potential claim against the estate as a cohabitant under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975.

He was made aware of her will 26 years into their relationship, when he elderly and increasingly frail and has no ability to make or save money.
If I actually need to explain why you should treat your partner, children, friends, etc in a loving, caring and considerate way, there really is no hope for you.

By the way, he certainly is contributing financially. How much do you think live in carers or care homes cost? Many families kiss goodbye to any thoughts of inheritance when long term care is needed.

Could it be that she expects her children will decide to let him stay in the house?

My DF has a partner of 20 odd years. She hasn't contributed to the mortgage but does other things - food and holidays. They put the house in trust and then did a civil partnership. She can either stay there or sell and buy somewhere smaller.

I know she was worried she might not have anywhere to live (she is 10 years younger) but I would never have made her bloody homeless anyway and I would hope your fathers partners children would see it the same! I told her I'm happy that she has security as its important.

That's a subsection

So which one of the prior categories does he fall into?

You’ll probably find that the family need to go through probate and then sell the house which is going to take a few months - so your dad will at least have some time to grieve and make arrangements

Quite honestly OP, I really couldn't be as nice about it as you're being. I would have told her what a selfish cow she was being, and said that I hoped she dies in agony before the op!! What a vile way to treat a man who has loved her and cared for her all this time, and who will doubtless be devastated when she dies, and yet she's happy to make him homeless.

I must admit I wondered when you used the word 'Trust' with regard to her children, as we've recently re-done our Wills, and it would have been very easy for her to put the house in 'Trust' for her kids for a period of time, so as to give your Dad some time to mourn, and then get a place of his own, so to not do this is pure evil, in my opinion.

Then to expect the man who has looked after her and been her carer, up to this point, to continue to do so if she does come through the operation ...... Well, I hope she does come through, and he walks away, which in your shoes would be what I would suggest to him. I would tell him that if she's so desperate for her kids to benefit from her death, then they might as well earn it, so they can look after the old bag!

I know he's not treated you well over the years OP, but in this situation, I would definitely want to help him, although wouldn't give him any opportunity to move in with you, because not only have you said you have a small house, but also he doesn't deserve your kindness to that degree. I would try and help in more practical ways, like finding out what money he has, and what plans he has. Hopefully, he has prepared for this day, and has put some money away, but if not, then he's been rather silly, and will just have to take whatever accommodation he can get, but perhaps you can help him with finding out what opportunities are open to him, if of course, he'll let you.

I quoted the PP who quoted the section - 1(ba). Quoted again below for ease:

1)Where after the commencement of this Act a person dies domiciled in England and Wales and is survived by any of the following persons:—
F1(a)the spouse or civil partner of the deceased;
(b)a former spouse or former civil partner of the deceased, but not one who has formed a subsequent marriage or civil partnership;]
F2(ba)any person (not being a person included in paragraph (a) or (b) above) to whom subsection (1A) F3... below applies;]

OP, she has protected her asset.
Your father had a free home for years.
He did jobs.
His choice to give up work.
His choice to focus on her children instead of his own.
He has suited himself gambled things would be fine, and may now regret it.

He really isn't your responsibility at all.
Don't be used.
You are too kind.
Be wary of him.

What is he doing then if he is so elderly and increasingly frail? Op hasn't even said ages.

We dont know if he was sensible throughout as he might well have invested his disposable income into investments or a well paying private pension. Sounds like he did the latter as he was able to cash some in - think its a max of 25% of the pot? Maybe he had enough saved in his pension that he could afford to retire early and this was his preference.

It sounds like he has taken care of his own finances to at least have a private pension as well as a state pension. He's not destitute. I think its odd that the DSM has no idea of his financial set up - but maybe he has so idea of hers either?

Live in carers cost between £900 - 1600 a week, so a few years of providing that probably makes quite a sizeable dent in the debt of rent he hasn't had to pay
We have no idea whatsoever what level of care he provided. It could be 24 hours or 30 mins a day.

Incorrect. He has a potential claim against the estate as a cohabitant under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975
Indeed, but it sounds that she took every steps to minimise his chances of winning. No marriage, children together, no linked finances, no payment at all towards the house...

Where did you make this up from? Have you been reading a different thread? He's always known about the house, OP said herself SM even talked about how the father didn't contribute to any of the upkeep and maintenance in front of the Dad years ago. We don't actually know the background to this, so it might be very different from SMs point of view. She has also said she doesn't think he'd be able to maintain the upkeep of it, that may give some insight. But who knows, now we're all speculating. We need OP to come back with an update

So, what choices has he now? Can he get free housing or does he need to find somewhere to rent?
What are his options?

Why on earth would OP think that even if her dad's partner left her home to her dad, she would inherit from him? Her dad basically binned her off for his partner and her kids. He got a new family and hardly bothered with OP. You seem to be attributing the worst motives to OP with no evidence.

How so? They kept their legal/financial aspects separate by choice in full mental abilities. He also didn’t give financial protection to his partner. He can of course go ahead and use his 26 years savings on legal bills. It is important though to get legal advice and this will take an hour or two.

Theres no "motive" good or bad to attribute to OP since its not up to her. I'm only speculating about her thoughts. Hoping for an inheritance would hardly be revolutionary or unusual. I didn't say it as a criticism.

There is far too little information here to fully understand the situation. Maybe the father has always been clear about the legal and financial implications. Maybe he is the type to keep his "head in the sand" so the step mother is just checking the daughter knows the situation. Maybe there is some leeway given in how long he could stay after her death. Maybe she's just being melodramatic / is absolutely terrified about the operation and wants to make sure the daughter will be able to support her father either emotionally, practically or financially when actually she's very likely to survive it. Since she mentions him possibly living 20 years longer, I assume they are only in their 60s, whereas most people seem to imagine a frail and helpless man unable to advocate for himself.

@dementedmummy i am not incorrect: you are. The rights arising under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act are not related to cohabitation status. They arise where the claimant has a reasonable expectation that the deceased, who was financially supporting them immediately prior to their death, would provide for them on their death. In this case, the free accommodation is part of that. However, it is incorrect to state that English law provides “statutory cohabitation rights for tenants”.

If you’d read my previous posts you would have seen that I have already commented on the dad’s potential claim under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act.

We do seem to have been reading a different thread.
The OP says that the partner told him about the will 'a few weeks ago'. The fact that the SM mentioned that the OP's dad doesn't contribute to upkeep, etc does not mean that he knew he would be homeless on her death. In fact, it's clear that he was unaware because she had never done him the basic courtesy of mentioning it until the time when she thought her death might be imminent. That's an awful thing to do to a long term partner.
Her comment about not thinking he could maintain the house sounds as if she is making excuses for herself because she has behaved badly. It flies in the face of the fact that he has been keeping the house for her, providing his DIY expertise, etc doesn't it.

Totally agree. The above take is just bonkers.

No more bonkers that you for some reason thinking a grown man of retirement age has neither thought about or discussed wills and finances before. It's just not believable.

Why on earth don't you talk to your dad about it? Ask him if he has any savings and what his plan is, given that he has no share in the house and will be forced to leave when she dies?

You've painted her as the villain, and admittedly she is being very harsh, but he is a grown man and he has a responsibility to consider his own financial and housing security.

If he doesn't have any savings and can't afford to buy, he will have to rent and may need to claim benefits (assuming he has a low income, given that he gave up working to be her carer and cashed in a pension early).

He should apply for social housing now, it can take a while to get on the housing register, so even if he doesn't need something right away, he will have got on the list, at least, and won't have to do it when she dies.

Oh and you shouldn't feel any obligation to house him, btw. He's made no effort with you. I wouldn't hesitate to point that out. You reap what you sow.

not your circus. Not your monkeys.